


outlaws

by alpr1816



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Drug Use, Gay, Gay Richie Tozier, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Reddie, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, a little bill/bev, mention of drug use, mentions of abuse, reddie later on, update tags as i update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:43:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 81,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22251877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpr1816/pseuds/alpr1816
Summary: Richie Tozier has come to be infamous in Derry for being the wise ass of the Losers Club, but what happens when he starts falling for someone that puts him in situations that make even his closest friends start to not recognize him?
Relationships: Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 84
Kudos: 182





	1. Chapter 1

“Listen ill tell you this one more time,” Richie looked at the snot nosed kid in the eyes. “Just because you suck at the game and lost,” the boy scoffs and rolls his eyes at Richie. He continues, “doesnt mean you can have your money back. Now, get away from the counter.” 

“This place is a shit hole!” the boy blew a raspberry at Richie and walked away from the counter to bother some of the other arcade goers. 

Eddie, who was sitting at the counter watching this all go down, just laughs. “He really showed you, Rich!” Richie pushed Eddie off the counter. 

“He does this everytime he comes in. I don't even see him get tokens! He's just trying to get them for free." Richie reaches into the prize boxes and pulls out a strawberry lollipop. “Ugh, you want this?” he held it out to Eddie who smiled and took it. 

“You know strawberry is my favorite.” he put it in his mouth. “Gotta feel bad for that kid, we used to scavenge money to come here, just give him some tokens.”

“He doesnt wash his hands.” 

Eddie thinks for a moment. “Leave him out for the dogs then.” Richie and Eddie smile at each other before bursting into laughter.

Richie has been working at the arcade since the end of junior year. He knows the ins and outs of every machine here from staying late and watching the owner, Larry, work on all of them. Richie got to know Larry very well the few months before he got hired. He looked at the arcade as a second home. Not that his first home was bad, just boring. Richie could only sit and stare at his walls for so long before going crazy. Plus, around that time, a lot of the losers were busy with their own part time jobs or preparing for SATs. Richie just found himself at the arcade more and more until Larry just gave him a job. 

“No sense of me being here wasting my time if you wanna be here and fix things anyway.” Larry told Richie one late night when he stayed to help fix the token machine. “Now you can just spend your paycheck here.” Larry smiled a toothy grin, he was missing a few teeth. “Win, win, for old Larry!” 

The losers visited Richie at work whenever they could and vice versa. They all still hung out every night at the 24/7 diner. Staying up late in the humid summer nights was the losers specialty. None of them really wanting to think about senior year starting up in a few months. 

“So, what time are we meeting at the diner?” Richie said as he rummaged through the lollipops to find a blue one.

“I have to wait until my mom goes to bed and I think Stan has that date tonight-”  
“Oh shit I forgot about that!” Richie spoke with the lollipop in his mouth. He shook his head. “Can't believe little Stanley has a date, you think it’ll go ok?”

Eddie sat back up on the counter, Larry wasn’t there today so it didn't matter. He kept his eyes on his dirty sneakers. “Yeah, of course, its Stan. He has a… really weird way with the ladies.” Richie took a moment to think about that. Sure, Stan is nice and not bad looking at all. He was the son of a Rabbi. He even took up baseball in sophomore year and toned up and filled out a bit because of it. Which was a completely normal thought to have about your best friend since fourth grade. 

Richie choked on some spit at his thoughts. “Yeah, you’re right. Stanny will be getting his fifth girlfriend while you’ve only had one. Hows that feel, Eduardo?” richie had a shit eating grin on his face. 

Eddie rolled his eyes and glared at Richie. “Oh my god, richie, when are you going to drop that. You know I’m choosing not to date again until after college! You always do this you always bring up dumb shit. Do you have to always bring up dumb shit? Richie, its not funny why are you laughing? You know samantha broke my heart freshman year it was devastating! She did it during class while she gave a speech. You know what fuck you Richie, youve only dated two girls last year, I had a girlfriend before you did and..” Richie zoned out as Eddie kept rambling. He loved sending Eddie into a spiral, the way he got all worked up over anything was too much fun. Richie didn't like thinking about the girls he dated, if you could really call it dating. Richie dated one, Carly at the beginning of junior year, she asked him out and then two months went by and then she dumped him. They only ever made out, Richie thinks he got dumped because he wouldn't put out. He dated Sue a month after Carly. She asked him out after a movie date Richie didn't really want to go on. They dated for three months and did end up having sex. She broke up with him, Richie wasn't sure why but also didn't mind all that much. She didn't like hanging out with the Losers and that didn't fly. 

“Hello? Are you listening to me?” Eddie was standing in front of richie on the other side of the counter now. “Typical. You know, i don't get how you are on honor roll every fucking year, you never pay attention it isnt fair.”

Richie smiles, coming back to reality. “Sleep with the teachers, it works every time.”

“Beep, beep.” eddie said as a reflex to Richie’s gross comments. “Anyway, I gotta go. Moms gonna be home soon, shell kill me if im not home when she gets there. See you tonight?” 

Richie nodded and said his goodbyes to his friend before sighing looking at the time. An hour before closing, and with that he began his routine walk around the arcade. Larry made Richie walk around the arcade at least three times during his shift. Larry said it made Richie look more engaged than standing behind the counter, but Richie quickly realized Larry just wanted him to look for barf. Ever since the arcade started selling icees and junk food, little kids couldn't contain their excitement. Richie hated these walks because if he found puke, he had to clean it. He mostly checked up on his favorite games to see if any one beats his high score. No one ever did but he just liked to keep tabs on it. He started unplugging some of the less popular games early to quicken up his closing routine. Only a few regular kids were here now, some of them richie recognized from school and would occasionally talk to but they seemed too invested in beating the level of Galaxy Rush so he just went on his way back to the counter. He heard the bell ring as someone walked through the door. 

“We close in thirty-” Richie glared at the group that walked in. “Oh god.”

“Tozier! Long time, no see.” Henry Bowers smiled wide as him and his crew made their way to the counter. “Get them out of here.” Henry said looking at the goons behind him. Richie watched as they walked over to Galaxy Rush and started shoving the boys around and telling them to leave. “We just need the bathroom. Can you fuck off?”

Richie was more annoyed than any other emotion he should be feeling at this moment. He just wanted to go home and stare at his boring ass walls until midnight and then meet the losers at the diner. Why the fuck did Henry Bowers have to roll up here and act all tough like a mob boss? “Bathrooms for paying customers. Fuck off, Henry. I have shit to do.” 

Henry grinned in annoyance right when the galaxy rush group left. It was just Richie and Henrys group. Richie had to think carefully. The phone was in the back office, he could reach the door before anyone gets behind the counter...but the door doesnt have a lock on it. The front door is occupied by someone Richie recognized from school, just couldnt place what class. The boy wouldn't look richie in the eyes and quite honestly, didn't look like he wanted to be here either. “Connor. Make sure no one comes in here.” Henry turned away from the boy by the door and back at Richie. “You’re lucky I’m in a hurry but I never forget, Tozier.” Henry and the other two boys walked to the bathroom and Richie watched as one of them pulled out a little baggie but he couldnt see what was in it.

“I won't keep you here.” Richie looked at who he realized now, was Connor Bowers, Henry’s cousin. “But don't call the cops, we both don't need that noise ya know?” Connor dug into his front jean pocket and for a second, Richie thought he was going to pull out a gun but remembered that guns wouldn't fit in that small pocket and felt dumb at the thought.

“What are they doing back there? Like… whats so important that he can't beat the shit out of me like normal?” 

Connor took out some change and went to the token machine. Once he got some tokens he went over to street fighter. “Its better if you don't know. Just hide in that office when they come out cool?” connors eyes went up and down richies body and he's never felt more exposed than he has before right now. “They get even more dumb and violent on that shit.” he put a token in the game and began to play. “I tired to stop them from coming in here… it was the only place on the street still open. Maybe you should close things earlier from now on, theyll just keep coming here.”

Richie stood behind the tall blonde watching him play. He was in shock at everything thats happening now that he couldnt really will himself to do anything else. He found himself still sneaking paranoid glances at the bathroom door. How long will they be in there? Should richie go hide now? The way this kid is playing is beautiful. Almost as good as richie, and that meant something. “Why arent you in there?”

“I don't fuck with that shit. Henrys been on it since his dads been sick.” connor doesnt look away from the screen while speaking. He hardly looks interested in the game at all. All the moves just come so swiftly with the grace of his fingers. 

“Why are you telling me this?”

Before answering, the screen flashed WIN and asked for his initials. Connor finally looked richie in the eyes and said, “I fucking hate the guy.” with a sigh he finished, “But family is family.” the bathroom door started opening and connor nudged richie back to the front and gestured to get into the office. Richie did as Connor said and sat in the office with his back to the door, just in case they try to come in, he can stop them. 

Richie could hear some voices but couldnt make out what they were saying. He heard loud laughter and shuffling. Richie didn't notice his heart beating so fast until her heard the bell ring signaling that the gang left. Richie got on his hands and knees and crawled over to the trash can. After he puked up whatever he ate that day, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Shit…” he let out a little giggle then a sigh of relief. Richie’s head was surprisingly silent as he left the office. He saw the candy behind the counter, all over the floor. He scanned over to the register. Didn't look like they tried taking any money. Richie thanked the lord for that, missing candy happened all the time. He didn't know what he would do if he had to explain to Larry about missing money. The fact that Richie didn't do anything made him feel weak. He pushed those emotions away and cleaned the candy. He made his way around to the bathroom first. He looked in ever stall and the trash but couldnt find anything criminalizing or disturbed. He shrugged and went to unplug the rest of the games. He saved street fighter for last, he normally did so he could play a round before leaving but tonight he was filled with an odd feeling. A feeling saying he won't like what he sees when he gets to the game. 

He stared at the screen numbly. “Are you shitting me.” on the screen it read:

NEW HIGH SCORE  
CNR

Richie needed a cigarette.


	2. Chapter 2

Richie normally rode his bike home from work, but after zoning out and crashing twice, he decided to walk the bike back to his place. Richie needed to get his license, he was tired of biking everywhere. As he got older he felt like biking left him too exposed. Stan had his license, but he was only allowed to borrow his parents car for school, dates and work. Stan got a little rebellious sometimes and lied to his parents as to why he needed the car, that made Richie proud. After Mike got his license, his parents gave him the old pick up truck. To Richie it felt safe, well not physically safe, that thing has at least nine safety violations. Richie felt like he could go anywhere in that truck with his friends by his side.

While walking home in the dark was nothing Richie wasnt used to, he felt himself on edge. The reason he kept zoning out was because he couldnt stop thinking about what happened. He tried to think of the last time he saw Henry, did he look strung out and desperate like he did at the arcade? How did Richie not realize his town loonatic wasnt around to torture him the last few weeks? Maybe since Henry surprisingly graduated last year and therefore out of school, thats why he didn't feel targeted as much. Or at least, thats what he thought. He remembered hearing down the grapevine that Henrys father got sick and that Connors family moved into the big farmhouse to watch over the sick man and the out of control child, but not that Henry and his goons were shooting up. Youd think that would be the talk of school at least. Surprised Henry wasnt on it the whole time. 

It wasnt until richie got home and was in the shower, that he thought of connor again. The cool calm demeanor of the guy made Richie feel uneasy. Why would a cousin that lives in Henrys house let Henry do that? Maybe it was just easier to deal with Henry. Maybe Connor really did just hate the guy. Richies mind flashed to the new high score sign and scrunched his face. “Fuck that guy.” richie said as he got out of the shower. Richie grabbed his towel and rubbed it on his head, making his hair stick up all over. He then wrapped it around his waist and made his way back to his room. Richie looked at his alarm clock on the side of his bed. He had an hour until the losers were meeting at the diner. Richie put the clothes he was wearing at work back on. Eddie already saw him in this outfit, he mentioned that Richie looked nice in green. Then Richie remembered Connor looking up and down at RIchies outfit and suddenly felt like changing. Why did he look at richie like that? Was the outfit dumb? Did it not match? It was just a green tee with khaki shorts. Richie mulled over the fact that he did sweat and puke in this shirt, maybe he should wash it. Richie took off his shirt and threw it in the corner of his room that his laundry basket was in. He has never made a shot in the basket, all his dirty clothes laid in a sad pile on the floor around the basket. Richie grabbed a random grey shirt out of his dresser and put it on. 

Richie laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. When the losers were younger, they put pictures and drawings above everyone's bed. Richies ceiling had collected pictures of the group, sign saying “TRASHMOUTH” and other inside jokes. Eddie had drawn the Paul Bunyan statue eating richie, initially to be a dick, knowing he was afraid of it. But the drawing had been so bad that Richie couldnt not laugh while looking at the real statue. Richie had to take some of the photos down because they were of richie and the group drinking and smoking weed. They all decided to keep those photos and joke drawings in the club house, less criminalising there. 

“Richard!” his father called up from the stairs. “Stanley is here!” 

Richie sat up in his bed and looked at his clock again. It had been only ten minuets since he last looked at the clock. Puzzled as to why his friend was here, he grabbed his wallet, house key and his stashed cigarettes before leaving his room. He ran down the stairs and saw stan by the front door. He was more dressed up than he usually was. Thats not saying much though, considering stan usually would always be wearing a button up with pressed pants and shoes that matched.

“Hey, ready to go?” looking at stans face now, he looked off. Richie nodded his head and put his shoes on. 

“Oh, Richie, bring a jacket with you, will you?” his mom hands him his spring jacket. 

He takes it and kisses her on the cheek. “Thanks mom, love you.” 

Once the door shuts behind them, richie leaves the jacket on the front porch swing. “Whats wrong, stanny?” richie sees that stan has the car and remembers Eddie saying stan had a date. “Oh… the date not go so hot?” 

Stan got in the driver seat of his dads car. “I don't want to talk about it.” after richie got in the passenger seat, stan turned the radio on and started driving around richies neighborhood. After his second mindless turn, he turned off the radio. 

Richie chuckled. “So were going to talk about it?” 

“Of course we are, why else would I pick you up early. So, I get to her house, and I pull all the stops. I go to her front door, i wait in the living room and talk to her parents. Her dad threatened me, which was really weird, I don't get that ever. I'm sure you're used to it though, right rich?” 

“Ha. ha.” 

“Anyway we are at the restaurant, you know the fancy pasta place like ten minuets outside of town? Well she didn't inform me that she hates that place because guess what!” 

Richie grips onto the dashboard dramaticly. “Oh please tell me, stan, I can't handle the suspense!” 

“Her ex boyfriend broke up with her there!” stan screams and laughs. “The one nice place around this shit hole and he breaks up with her there?” 

Richie laughs with stan and then sighs. “Aw man, thats rough buddy. You arent going to try for a second date? You could always take her to the movies, no one can break up with you during a movie.” 

“Oh, no, her dads like a nazi. Thats why he threatened me before the date.” stan glanced at richie whose jaw dropped open. “I know, shouldve lead with that.” they both break out into a laugh. “I guess she didn't know he was! The girl couldnt see his swastika tattoo on his ankle i guess.” 

“Howd you see it?” richie runs a hand through his hair.

“Well when I dropped her off, her dad came to the door in his boxers.” stan shook his head and pulled into the diner parking lot. No sign of the other losers being there yet. “I met her at the mall food court. Never again will i go on a date with a mall rat.” 

Richie and stan laugh and joke about stans horrible date. Sitting in the car with stan made it easy to forget about the henry business from earlier. Richie was already forgetting the feeling of the puke in his throat. He should've brushed his teeth before coming here, although he did think he'd have more time. Still he wouldn't mind finding Connor again, rack his brain for some tips on street fighter. Richie shook his head, trying to not go down a rabbit hole and pulled out his cigarettes. “You mind?”

“Out of the car, bucko.”

Richie got out of the car and leaned on the hood of the car. The diner looked busy wednesday at 10pm. Richie could already tell it was mostly kids from his grade either from his school or neighboring schools. Stan got out of the car and stationed himself right next to richie. “Should we go in and call everyone? We are a bit early.” Richie agreed that it was a good idea. He finished up his cigarette and both headed for the door. 

As the made there way to their normal two booths in the back by the restrooms, richie felt eyes on him. Stan turned and faced him before they reached the booths. “Got any quarters? I only have three.” richie dug into his pocket and pulled out two more. The ones he was saving for street fighter that night.

“Here.” stan took the quarters and headed to the counter to use the phone. Richie sat down in his usually booth, the one by the window. Being bored, richie scanned the restaurant to see if he knew anyone there to chat with while stan was on the phone. He saw stan at the counter sitting and using the phone, idly hitting the quarters off one another to make them slide. He hit one too hard and it slid off the side of the counter. Richie chuckled to himself and watched as stan bend down to pick it back up. He quickly felt weird looking at stans ass and looked away and made eye contact with Connor, who was standing right beside him. Richie jumped a little bit from being startled. “Shit, Connor…” connor smiled and sat on the other side of richies table. “What are you doing?”

“Well i just used the bathroom and saw you staring at the rabbis sons ass. What are you doing?” Connor laughed to himself and rubbed his eyes. “Crazy to run into you like this, i was actually just thinking about-” Connor stopped talking abruptly. The expression on his face looked confused, as if he wasnt suppose to say that. “Nevermind.” Richie kept glancing over at stan, who was too busy calling their friends to see Connor Bowers sitting at the table. 

“What do you want Connor.” richie started off angry until he looked into the blue eyes of the other boy. “Oh wait.” richie smiled and moved closer, looking more deep into the boys eyes. “Are you stoned?” 

Connor smiled wide and it reached his irritated eyes. “I told you i didn't do heroin, i said nothing about smoking. Or in this case, eating.” Connor looked around as if suddenly remembered where he was. “I gotta go. My friends…” Connor stood up looking around.

Richie reached out to Connor, but stopping before he touched him. “Wait, how did you beat my high score at street fighter?” he made a quick look at stan, who was now looking at him with a concerned expression. 

“Street Fighter? Its my favorite game. Used to play it a bunch before we moved into my uncles.” Connor turned fast and touched richies out outstretched hand. “Oh! We should play some time. You work there right? Yeah. I’ll see you around.” 

Richies face was hot as Connor walked to the other side of the restaurant. He couldnt look at stan, knowing fully that he was looking at him. Then the waitress came over with seven menus and seperated them between the two tables. “You okay honey? You look hot. Ill go get you some water.” richie whispered a thank you to her as she left. Stan made his way over a few minutes after she left. 

“Dude what did Connor Bowers say to you? I didn't know you two talked.” stan slid into the spot as sitting at. 

Richie nervously chuckled. “I don't. He was just stoned. He came into work today with his cousin.” 

Stan groaned. “Why didn't you tell me, what happened?”

Richie held up his hands. “No nothing really happened! Thats the weird thing.” Richie thought about telling stan what happened. Why didn't richie tell stan about the arcade? Nothing really happened that was true, it was just so odd. “Ill tell you when everyone gets here. It was… really weird.”

The waitress came back with a few waters on her tray and put them between stan and richie. “Are we waiting for the others or do you want some fries while you wait?” stan ordered some mozzarella sticks for the table and she left again. 

Stan caught richie up with what the others were doing. Mike was going to pick everyone else up, they were just waiting on eddie. Eddie said he had to wait until his mom went to bed to sneak out, something about rampant drunks that hung at the diner she didn't want him there. Ever since they were sixteen, eddie started sneaking around his mom more. Eddie confided in Richie a year back saying it was just easier for him that way. He didn't want to hurt his mother, he loved her too much. Eddie said he knew his mother meant well but eddie wanted to have a life to live and if that meant sneaking around then so be it. What she didn't know won't hurt her. 

Stan said no one answered Bills house phone but he left a message, knowing that bills parents don't care what he does since his little brother passed away when they were twelve. 

Bev answered but she seemed out of breath, she said shed call mike to make the car arrangements.

Ben was just sitting at home reading when stan called. 

The lovely Loser Club would be together again soon. Richie let out a sigh he didn't realize he was holding as the waitress brought over the mozzarella sticks. As Stan and richie dug in and started talking about Stans crazy date again, richie ignored the way connor would glance at him and smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not excited about this chapter but i wrote it so !! lets go  
> stan is all knowing for no damn reason damn does this boy ever chill  
> richie is an idiot and eddie is lowkey feral  
> im not kidding when i say slow burn

Beverly and Bill were the next ones to arrive at the diner. Bev sat next to Richie and Bill sat next to Stan. They say their hellos as the waitress comes over and takes their drink orders. “I thought Mike was going to pick you all up?” Stan looks between the two, expression calm, voice accusing. 

Bill shot a look at Bev, who spoke. “Bill and I decided to walk down, its such a nice night and im not allowed to smoke in Mikes truck so..” the waitress came back with waters for the two of them and asked if the wanted anything to munch on. “Some more mozzarella sticks please.” bev said with a nice smile. Then the waitress left again. Bill never took his eyes off the menu. 

Richie really didn't like this weird atmosphere going on so he broke the silence. “So, Billy boy, what are we eating tonight?” Bill, Ben, and Richie were going down the menu and trying everything they have to offer. They came up with this challenge just a few days ago so they still had most of the menu to work through. The other losers would join in if they felt like the options for that night sounded good or not. Last night, the boys ate fish sticks. They were supposed to be deep fried but they came out reeking and cold in the mild. Stan and bev dared them to eat them while Eddie rambled about salmonella. Bill could hardly put the sticks by his face let alone eat one. Richie ate two before his stomach started turning. Ben ate two and a half, he just wanted to come out the winner and his prize was throwing up next to richie in the bushes outside the diner. 

“I was th-thinking…” he scanned over the menu once more. “This burger.” he showed his menu to richie and pointed to the everything burger. “I want to go ez-easy on you two.” he smiled. “Y-you know, b-be-cause of last night.” stan and bev tried to stifle their laughter but it didn't work. 

Richie dropped his menu dramatically and huffed. “Bill you are just a sore loser thats all! I still believe if we puked at the table, the waitress wouldve given us free ice cream but no!” he dragged out the o’s in no. the table started laughing again. “we just had to go outside.” 

“Richie!” Bev said through laughs. “You had to go outside so i could still see you barf but not ruin my food!”

Richie smiled as his friends laughed and locked eyes with Connor on the other side of the diner. Connor smiled and chuckled to himself. Could he hear what richie and his friends were saying? Richie wasnt sure he wanted Connor to know he threw up just to make his friends laugh. But why didn't he want Connor to know that? It was so dumb and Richie bets Connor would laugh too. Not smiling back, richie broke the eye contact and changed the subject. “You guys have no idea what kind of date Stan just had.” 

Bill turned in his seat and ruffled stans hair. “Oh yeah, for-g-got about your date!” stan pushed bills hand away with an annoyed look on his face. “Tell us!” 

“Yeah, stan. What was her name again? Or should I not even bother learning it?” bev said with an accusing eye. She took a sip of water when stan gave her a glare. “What! You are always having dates.” she chuckled. “Its hard keeping up sometimes.” 

“Don't worry shes not important. I'm going to wait until everyone else shows up.” the waitress brought over Bevs cheese sticks and the four of them dug in. 

After about ten minutes after the cheese sticks were gone, Mike, Eddie, and Ben made their way into the diner. Ben and Mike took the seats at the other booth while eddie lingered around Richies table. Eddie puckered his lips in annoyance but sat with mike and ben, sitting on the outside of the booth, closest to bev. Bev leaned over to eddie. “Are you ok?” eddie stuck his nose up in the air a little and said ‘fine’ and the group moved along with their conversations.

Stan talked about his date with a nazis daughter and the group ooed and awed and laughed at all the right parts. Ben talked about how he spent most of his day at his part time job at the children's library reading to thirteen year olds that would yell out inappropriate body parts. “It was so embarrassing trying to tell the older lady that worked there! Then we had the six year olds that were there asking their parents what penis’s were, it was a madhouse.” everyone laughed and ordered their food. Bill, Ben, Richie, and Mike got the Everything Burger. Stan just ordered a milkshake since he had food on his date earlier. Bev got a chicken sandwich with fries and Eddie had a plate of fries, the usual for him. 

Richie would glance at Connors table absentmindedly, each time lingering long enough that Connor would catch him looking and give Richie a goofy smile in response. After the third time this happened, Connors table got up and paid their bills. Connor waved at Richie as he left, Richie could feel his cheeks get hot a little and just nodded in response. As Connor was walking out to his car, Stan spoke up. “Richie?” he waved a hand in his face. “Tell us what happened at work tonight?” 

Richie turned back to his friends and smiled. “Right! Well, it was really… weird.” he went on explaining how Henry, Connor and the other two guys came in and heckled people to leave and went to shoot up in the bathroom. He mentioned that Connor said he hated Henry and that he's been doing heroin since his dads been sick. He refrained from mentioning how cool and calm Connors demeanor was the whole time. Thinking back on it now, Richie felt bad for Connor. Having to babysit his older cousin and his dumb ass friends. “Oh and he beat my high score on Street Fighter.” 

Bev slouched in her seat. “Heroin is some heavy shit…” 

“They just do that in public restrooms?” ben shivered. “Thats low.” 

“Why didn't you call the cops?” Eddie leaned on the table to Richie could see his scowl. “They could’ve killed you! If you die because of some dumb shit like that I’m not going to your funeral.” 

Richie laughed and smiled at Eddie. “Oh Eds, everyone knows I’ll die by having sex with your mom. Love a girl on top.” Everyone groaned and threw whatever food they didn't mind not eating at Richie. He held up his hands over his face laughing. 

“Beep beep, bastard!” Eddie tried to climb over bev and wrestle Richie. 

“Okay! Okay!” Bev pushed Eddie away. “Kill each other outside would you?” she giggled and sat back in her seat. “But seriously Richie, too much.” 

“Is there a Bill here?” the group looks at the worker behind the counter, holding the phone away from her ear. “Last name starts with a D, I’m not going to try and say it.” 

Bill checked his watch. “Oh, sh-it! Its almost two am. M-m-ust be my pare-ents.” he got up and went to the counter. Stan looked at Bev with a look Richie didn't know, so he glanced at Bev too. She was just playing with her food, seeming not wanting to look up and watch bill like everyone else. Richie was hoping they didn't need to leave just yet. He wanted them to stay out until the sunrise. School was out, they had no real obligations in the morning. 

Richie, out of habit of the night, looked at Connors booth. It was empty now, of course it was he watched Connor leave. Richie felt immensely dumb and looked back at Bill as he made his way back to the table. “They just wo-wo-ndered where I was.” Bill smiled sheepishly. “Th-thanks for ca-lling, Stan. I forgot to te-tell them where I was tonight.” 

“I just thought it was weird that no one answered at your house. Where were you all?” 

Bill kept his eyes on the table. “They went to the movies. I to-ld you I went to meet Bev half way to w-walk here.” 

“Wow, so, Richie.” Bev turned to Richie. “Bowers crew really just let you off the hook? No money stolen, no broken bones, just wanted a free place to shoot up?”

“Yeah…” Richie slow turned to face Bev. “Yeah, like I said, weird. Connor was being nice to me about it actually.”

“He played you,” Eddie chimed in. “He just didn't want you to call the cops. If you called the cops, those fuckers would be in jail. Why would we want them running around the streets high on heroin? My mom told me that people on heroin will do anything to shoot up. They’ll also do anything while on it. It gives them, like, super strength and-”

“Eddie, what are you talking about, heroin doesn't give you super strength.” Mike laughed. 

Eddie held up his hands, annoyed. “Whatever! Im just saying, that shit is no good. Next time they try to come in, please call the cops, or at least have a knife on you!” eddie locked eyes with Richie.

Richie loved when Eddie got protective over his friends. He really does care. “Maybe youre, right Eds.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Maybe I should carry a knife with me. A really cool one. Make it say like ‘bad bitch’ on the blade!”

“More like ‘dumb bitch’.” eddie grumbled. The group giggled. 

“Laugh if you must, but i'm getting a custom switchblade, its decided.” 

“And with that, I’m calling it a night.” Mike stood up and stretched. The waitress brought over their bills about an hour ago. “Anyone who needs a ride from me, lets roll out.” 

After the Losers stood around the two cars, hugging and saying their ‘see you soons’, Bill got in the front seat of Stans car, Richie and Eddie in the back. As soon as Mikes truck left the parking spot, Stan turned to Bill. “Whats up with you and Bev?” 

Richie and Eddie moved closer to the front seats. “Yeah, shes never not sitting next to Ben.” Eddie said. He glanced at Richie but Richie didn't notice. 

“Wait what do you mean. It seemed like a normal night…” Richie trailed off thinking about the nights events and trying to see what Stan was talking about.

“You were too busy making eyes at Connor Bowers to pay attention to us..” Eddie whispered.

Richie made a face at Eddie but before Richie could defend himself or have time to be embarrassed that Eddie noticed that, Bill spoke up. “You c-c-ca-ca-fuck!-c-can't tell anyone.” Bill rubbed his face with his hands and when he pulled them away he had a small smile on his face. From that look, Richie deducted that the real person he can't tell was Ben. 

Stan just looked at him a moment longer and then turned and started the car. “Great, you had sex with our best friend while I was threatened by a nazi.” 

Richie laughed, a little too loud, at what Stan said. Eddie made a face at him and sat back in the seat to put his seat belt on. What Stan said was funny but the laugh was more because of the awkwardness of Bill and Bev. Sure, they dated when they were younger, they broke it off and put it back on sometimes. But they never had sex. To Richie’s knowledge, all the did was hold hands back then. Richie shivered at the thought. Poor Ben.


	4. Chapter 4

Once Richie got home, his mind wouldn't shut off. He tried to go to bed, since he had work in the morning, but that was the problem. Connor said that he would see richie ‘around’ right after talking about the arcade. Would Connor be at work tomorrow? Would Henry? Could Richie really trust Connor? He was pretty cool about not beating up Richie and Richie couldnt lie to himself, he did want Connor to be at work tomorrow. He thought about how Connor was just high out in public, how carefree of him. Maybe Connor and Richie could smoke some time. Richie sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his hands through his hair. Why was he thinking about smoking with Connor, they had their first real interaction with each other less than six hours ago. He needed to get to sleep. He looked at the alarm clock, 5am. Where did the time go? Richie dug in his underwear drawer and pulled out his cigarettes and lighter. He went to his bedroom window with a sigh and opened it wide enough he could stick his head out comfortably. He envied Eddie, who had a small roof attached to his bedroom window. Maybe, Richie could pop over to Eddie’s like he always did when he couldnt sleep. But was this really a thing Richie wanted to tell Eddie about? No, because there really isnt much to talk about. Sure Connor had been kind of badass at the diner. Richie wished he could smoke weed whenever and wherever. But Eddie made everyone promise that they’d save the illegal stuff for the clubhouse. And maybe Richie thought that it was a relief hearing Connor say he also hated Henry. Anyone who hated Henry, was a friend of Richie’s.

Richie’s cigarette’s ash fell right on his thigh and burned him. “Ahhh…” Richie winced and brushed the ash off. He threw his cigarette butt out the window. He couldnt fall asleep until 6:46am. His dreams consisted of his friends and Connor Bowers playing Street Fighter. 

The arcade was slow for noon on a Thursday. Richie found himself over cleaning the counter and organizing the stuffed animals from small to large. Then a few minutes would pass and he’d organize them in color. Everytime the door would ring open he couldnt stop himself from getting his hopes up. Hed turn his head, in looking for connor, but it never was. Then the cycle would repeat, cleaning and feeling foolish, organizing and being distracted, door rings - hopefully, not connor. He needed something else to distract him. Richie decided to take a walk around the arcade. On his walk he saw one of the few customers actually there, playing Street Fighter. He walked up behind the younger boy and watched as he died. The kid groans and looks back at Richie.

“I can't remember the combo order.” he shakes his head and puts in another token. 

“Oh, well, I can help you try to remember. You know I actually have-uh-had i guess-” Richie was cut off, without looking away from the screen the kid said, “I can do it myself.” and ignored Richie further. 

Richie bit his tongue and went back up to the counter. He dug into the lollipop bin mindlessly and pulled out a strawberry one. Richie didn't hate the strawberry flavors but he knew someone who liked them more. Richie went to the office and dialed one of the numbers he knew by heart. The phone only rang three times, as it usually did for this house. 

“Hello?” Eddie answered. 

Richie smiled into the receiver. “You busy? Bring me lunch?” Richie could hear the eye roll through the phone, he chuckled. “I saved you a lollipop.” Richie said in a coercing tone.

Eddie sighed on the other end. “Fine. I was going to meet up with Mike and Ben anyway. Ill just tell them to meet at the arcade.”

“Aww, what? You were going to hang out without me?” he whined. 

“We always hang without the others. Why can't we hang without you?” 

“Eds, I am the glue that is holding this group together. Do you know how hard it is to fuck every single one of our friends moms?”

“Do you know how hard it is to listen to you hash out that same joke for the last five years?” Eddie sighed. “Ill see you in thirty.” 

Those thirty minutes felt like an eternity to Richie. Everyone that was in the arcade left to enjoy a summer picnic or just had something better to do than stay inside. When eddie came in, Richie jumped on him, knocking the brown bag out of his hand. Richie picked him up. “Finally! The great one brings forth food!” Mike and Ben followed behind Eddie and pushed past the other two. 

Eddie was struggling in Richies arms. “Put me down! Youre going to step on the sandwiches!”

“Did you only call us here so you could have an audience, Richie?” Mike rolled his eyes at him. 

“Actually, yes.” Richie sat Eddie down on the counter. Eddie’s face was a little red as he pulled out his inhaler. “I’ve kind of been going crazy here all day. I didn't sleep well last night and I really think im going mad.”

“You didn't sleep well last night?” Eddie looked at Richie.

“Did you clean?” Ben walked behind the counter and pulled out the Laffy Taffy bin, which Richie took about ten minutes sorting them into color coded corners. 

“I told you, I’m so bored.” Richie picked up the bag Eddie dropped and looked inside. He didn't want to really ignore Eddie, just the topic of his bad night. “Ah, Eddies famous PPnJ!” Mike and Ben looked at Richie with a curious expression. Richie, not really caring about the looks asks, “What? Does Eddie not bring you guys lunch at work?” he stands beside Ben and hands Eddie the ten strawberry lollipops that he picked out before they arrived. 

“No!” Ben glares at Eddie. “You bring Trashmouth food but not me? The library is closer to your house than here!” Ben mocks being shot. “You know how much I love food.” Richie laughed. After ninth grade, Ben started getting tired of being picked on for his weight, so he started running track. This was also the same time Bill said he wanted to try out for football, but Ben claims its unrelated. 

But does Eddie really only bring Richie lunch? He thinks about this for a second. Bringing people lunch seems like an Eddie thing to do because Eddie cares for the people he loves. This is proven in literally anything Eddie does. He rants about the statistics of falling out of a tree while Richie climbs too high, always carrying around band aids and neosporin in case someone gets hurt or surprising someone with lunch once a week too make sure they eat. 

“Oh shut up. I only bring him food when he asks.” Eddie takes the handful of lollipops from Richie, not making eye contact with anyone. 

Richie bit into the sandwich, confused at what Eddie just said. “No you don't.” Eddie always surprises Richie with food. It brightens Richies day when it happens, who doesnt like free food? Richie only called and asked today because he needed a reason for Eddie to come over and not worry.

Ignoring him eddie continued. “I’m the only one out of the group who doesnt have a job, I have to fill my time somehow.” eddie stuck a sucker in his mouth. 

Not chewing, Richie said, “Is that why you made me chicken alfredo from scratch last week?” now chewing, richie smirks at Eddie. 

Eddie hops off the counter. “Shut up.” 

Mike shares a look with Ben that Richie didn't understand. “So,” Mike said as he looked around the empty arcade. “Bill and Bev are acting kind of weird right?” 

Eddies eye dart over to Richie and they lock eyes. Eddies eyes are telling Richie something like ‘Don't fuck this up theyll tell them when theyre ready dipshit. Don't be you right now Rich, just shut up and keep eating your sandwich.’ Richie winked at Eddie, he grimaced back at Richie then turned his attention back to Mike. “what do you mean, Mike?”

“I thought so too, but I havent been around a lot these past few weeks…” Ben trailed off. 

“You think they’re dating again?” Richie blurted out. He could feel eddies eyes on him. Richie really didn't know how to read the room. Oh well, he couldnt imagine watching Ben trail after Bev for the rest of the summer being the only one that doesnt know. 

Mike nodded. “Yeah? But, i don't know. Why wouldn't they tell us?” 

“Maybe they just want it to be their thing for awhile…” the three boys look at eddie, confused. “You know, before they tell us? Before its like… a group thing…” 

“What are you talking about, Eds?”

Eddie huffed. “Nevermind.” 

Richie shrugged and continued eating his sandwich. Richie was trying to focus on the conversation, but it was hard. Paying attention to things that wasnt video games or porn was hard for Richie. He started counting how many times he would chew a piece of food in his mouth and start over once he had another. He would nod along to the sound of his friends' voices, he looked out the big store front window. It really was a nice day, Richie wished he didn't need money so he could be out there. He could spend his whole day in the sun with Eddie, bugging all his other friends at their work sites. And spend the nights in the diner, then go home, and repeat. Richie reached in the bag for the other sandwich that was left for him. He started chewing and focusing on the passersby on the sidewalk. A woman holding a toddler in her arms. Richie couldnt hear, but he knew the baby was crying, a group of businessmen in their suits, Connor in a green hoodie. Richie’s insides reacted before his brain could catch up. Butterflies? Richie straightened his back as Connor peered into the arcade. Richie smiled and waved. It really was Connor. Richie put the sandwich down and smoothed down his hair. Eddie saw this and followed Richies gaze. “Is that Connor Bowers?” Eddie said in an unusually tone. Mike and Ben followed to look out the window. 

“Yeah..” Richie motioned Connor to come in. This is what Richie was up all night for. What Richie was now realizing, stressing out about all day; Connor coming to see him. He felt a little embarrassed that his friends were here. Then Richie felt shame for even feeling embarrassed by his friends for merely a second. But still, why was Connor taking so long to come in? Connor didn't smile or wave back to Richie as he turned his back and walked the way he came. Richie felt like someone let go of a balloon in his chest, felt it fly around in there as it lost all the air inside. Richie went back to leaning on the counter and counting his chews.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: lets write a slow burn  
> also me: can someone kiss already


	5. Chapter 5

Saturdays were busy for the arcade. Larry stayed in the office most of the time working on papers and bills. Richie was stuck behind the counter his whole shift. If something broke or ate a token, Richie would hollar for Larry to come out of hiding and go fix it. Richie was stalking toys and candy, making sure there were hot dogs on the roller and pretzels in the hot case. Eddie came down around two to surprise Richie with lunch but since it was too busy, he didn't stick around. Richie didn't mind, having his friends here right now would only be a distraction. He’d want to hang out and talk with them but he wouldn't be able to today. Richie also didn't mind that it was busy. He welcomed the chaos to make his day go faster and not think about anything dumb. Like a guy he wasnt even friends with but desperately wanted to be around. See, dumb. In the distance of gaming noises, Richie could hear someone weezing then a barf sound. “Hey Larry..” he called back to him with a smile. 

“Im not cleaning that up.” Larry stood behind the counter now. “Go, youre better at it than old me anyway.” He gave Richie a smile and handed him some rubber gloves. 

* * *

The rush died down an hour before closing. Richie was tired but he was determined to play Street Fighter again. He hasnt played it since the night before Connor beat his high score. Richie wouldn't admit it out loud but he was pissed. Sure Richie got good grades in school but having his name on that screen made him feel seen to the world. Okay, obviously not the world, more like anyone who bothered to look. Richie opened the token machine and stole a hand full out. Larry went home and the cameras havent worked since this place opened, Richie wasnt worried about being caught. Richie looked around as he shoved the tokens in his pocket, the place cleared out like some old western standoff. With the tokens clanging in his pocket, he was determined when he looked at the screen. ‘Play again?’ blinked on the screen and Richie put in the coin. He played a few rounds, trying out all the combo moves he read in a magazine he saw in the doctor's office once. Richie groaned as his score blinked below Connors still. 

The door dinged and Richie made his way back up to the counter, forgetting for a second that he was in charge of this place. “We’re closing soon.” he said without looking at the figure at the door. “I already shut off some games but feel free to play for another twenty minutes.” Richie didn't care if this wasnt professional, he needed to beat that score and feel right again. Then he could stop thinking about Connor. 

“Oh, my bad. I just hate crowds.” Connor walked over to the token machine and put in a dollar. Richie’s mouth went a little dry. He watched Connor grab the tokens and then his eyes darted back to the door. Would Henry be coming in again? Should Richie call the police this time like Eddie said? Too bad Richie didn't buy that knife like he said he would. Connor looked at Richie, then the door. “Henrys not coming.” the boys made eye contact. “If thats what you were thinking.” he held the hand with the coins up. “I told you Street Fighter was my favorite game right?” with a small smile on his face he walked over to the game. 

Richie followed him back, rubbing his now sweaty palms on his pants. “Oh hey great youre here.” they stood next to the game both looking at the high scores. “I was just trying to beat your score. I tried all the combo orders I could think of and I still don't know how you managed to get that high.” Richie glanced over at Connor and realized how close they were. They’re shoulders would touch with one small push in the right direction. Richie stepped the other way. 

“I really couldnt tell you how.” Connor put two tokens in and made more room for Richie to play. “I just smash buttons.” 

“Shut the fuck up no you don't. I watched you play the other day.” Richie looked Connor up and down. He was wearing that green hoodie again with the hood up this time and he had a backpack. Richie couldnt really see his face in this angle. Was he lying? Richie remembers how almost fluid like Connors hands were when he played last time. 

Connor laughed, it sent a little tingle up Richie’s back. “No seriously, just watch me.” the game started and Connor waited for Richie to come closer so they could play together. Richie did and they were off. Richie got a few good combos in before Connor could take the lead. Richie would glance down at Connors hands and he was right, he really was just pressing buttons. Richie laughed and focused back on the game. He was aware that Connor was close to him, richie stood as still as possible so he wouldn't bump into him. The screen flashed ‘game over’ and Richie won.

“Best three out of five?” Connor smirked. Richie nodded and locked up so no one else could come in and they played again. They played all the rounds, one after the other. Richie came out the winner, but Connor was pretty close. 

“I can't believe you beat my score by  _ smashing buttons _ . This is unheard of. All of my training just thrown out the window by some… some..” Connor was chuckling as he put down his hood. Richie noticed how nice his curls were and how they seemed to fit this version of Connor. The Street Fighter lover who just smashes buttons, whose laugh sends a tingle throughout Richie’s body.

“Shows that you don't need to have talent to be good. Besides, i had some help.” Connor pulls out a bag of brownies from his backpack. “Makes me focus better.” Connor nervously chuckles and looks at Richie. His mouth drops a little and he doesnt say anything. That was the most pot brownies Richie has seen at one time. Those would last Bev and him three weeks. Connor puts the brownies away. “Sorry, shit sorry.” Connor puts his hood up again. “I just thought, you know at the diner, you knew I was high.” 

“Connor..”

“No it was dumb I mean I don't really even-I’m out selling these right now, I should go.” connor steps away from the game.

Richie calls out. “Can I buy some?” Connor turns around and looked at Richie skeptically. Richie chuckled. “Sorry I didn't say anything right away, I was blown away by how much you had! I’m not normally speechless, you should feel proud. My friends sometimes try to shut me up but you know what this isnt the time for that-yeah can I buy some?” Richie chuckles feeling embarrassed. 

“You really want some? You arent just saying that to be, like, nice or whatever.” Connor pulled his hood off again. Richie nodded. “Because I can just give you this bag if you want.”

“Dude that would be amazing, yes, thank you!” Richie hugged Connor and immediately pulled away, red faced. “Sorry-but yes. How much? I don't have much on me now-”

“No, have it. Like for free.” Connor grabs the bag again and hands it out to Richie. “You can just repay me by stealing me tokens.” Connor winked at Richie, a blush spread across his face. 

“Free?” Richie looked at the bag again. “Whats wrong with them?” 

“Nothing, this is my first time making them, I need test dummies.” 

“You found the perfect dummy then.” Richie blushed and took the bag in awe. “I can't just walk around with this…”

Connor, without hesitation, handed Richie his backpack. “Here, I can get it from you some other time.” 

Richie looked at Connors face. It was blank except for the light blush on his face, his ears were very red though. “Why is this happening, whats going on here.” Richie didn't understand. Connor stopped by Thursday, but didn't come in. He did say earlier that he didn't like crowds. Did he want Richie alone? Does this have to do with Henry? Richie didn't want to think about Henry right now, he was having a really nice time with Connor. Plus Connor just gave Richie a shit ton of free pot. If Richie couldnt use it all, he could see it and give the money back to Connor, its only fair. 

“I liked my time with you… so i just wanted to say ‘thanks for being cool about my cousin’ and ‘please don't think im like him’.” connor shrugged. “I didn't peg you for a drug person. Arent you like one of the top students in our class?” 

“Anyone can be a stoner, Connor.” How did Connor know he was one of the top people in the grade? Usually Richie had to prove to people that he gets great grades. Was Connor asking people about him? No, that was stupid. “So you sell? Don't you sell to like a bunch of different people?” 

“Uh..” Connor adverted his eyes. “Yeah. I sell this and that, you don't wanna know, its boring. But I should probably get going.” the two start slowly walking to the door. 

Richie grabbed his things from behind the counter and wheeled his bike out from the office. He kept it there on busy days in case someone tries to steal it. “Thank you though, for the brownies and backpack. I really can't tell you how excited Bev’s going to be.” 

Connor cocked his eyebrow. “Is that your ride? Youre going to bike home at midnight?”

Richies eyes grew big and he tightens his grip on the handlebars. “Shit! Its midnight?” He wasnt home for Mike to pick him up, the others are going to be annoyed at him. “I should call the diner. My friends are probably pissed, I’m usually home by now.” Richie props his bike against the wall and goes to the phone in the office. 

“I can take you to the diner if you want?” Connor called back to him. “I have a car… I really don't mind!”   
  
Richie dials the diner and listens to it ring. “Actually that would be great. You can just drop me off?”

“Hello? Diner.” the voice on the other end said.

“Hey, is there an Edward K there?” Eddie hated being called Edward. Richie wished he could see eddies face right now. 

“Did you really have to have her yell out my legal name.”

“Hello, Edward! I was too busy-”

“Beep, beep. What were you doing?”

Richie laughed. “Sorry I was just playing Street Fighter, lost track of time. I should be there in like twenty?”

“Actually we are having a really nice time without you, you should just stay there.”    
  
“Ha. ha. Eds-”

“Stop calling me that! Do you want Mike to pick you up? Are you biking over?”   
  
“Ill be over in a jiffy, order me whatever Ben and Bill are having.” Richie hung up without waiting on an answer and walked back over to the front. Connor already grabbed Richies bike and was waiting for the door. “You don't have to give me a ride.” Thinking about getting in Connors car seemed to out of place for him. First, just hanging out with Connor for two hours was weird. Nice and welcoming, but not normal. Connor giving him a bag full of pot brownies? Still, nice and welcoming, but not normal. Richie’s heart started thumping harder in his chest just thinking about being stuck in the car next to Connor. What would they even talk about? At the arcade, they had the game to fill up most of the conversation. 

“I know I don't have to. But I-.” Connors ears got red again. “Its no big deal. I have to head out that way anyway.” with that, Connor walked the bike outside. Connor lead Richie down two blocks to his car. It was a small rust bucket, but on the inside, it had patches all over the ceiling. Richie helped put the bike in the back seat and sat in the front. Richie ran his hand over the dashboard that had sharpie graffiti all over it. Some were names that Richie recognized of people from school. Both guy and girl hand writing wrote dumb shit, over laping each other. Connor started the car and turned the radio on. It was playing some rock song that Richie didn't know. Connor watched as Richie read the dash. “My one friend started writing shit over it, then everyone joined in. there’s a sharpie in the compartment if you want to write something.” Connor pulled out of the spot and started his drive.

Richie thought long and hard about what he should write. He might never get to be in this car again. He selfishly wanted Connor to remember him by whatever Richie wrote on the car. That was dumb, why would Connor need to remember Richie? Suddenly overwhelmed, Richie pointed to the ceiling patches. “Whats up with these? This one says ‘down with god’ with an angel on it. Did someone draw a dick in its mouth?” Richie looked at Connor, who had an guilty smile on his face. 

Connor felt Richies eyes on him and shrugged. “I put a burn hole in the fabric, I knew my mom would kill me so i found some fabric and…” he took a hand off the wheel and gestured to the ceiling. “Well you can see what happened. I mostly smoke in my car and I get bored.”

“And creative apparently.” Richie wanted to say ‘lets smoke sometime’ but he couldnt make the words form in his mouth. Richie never shuts up and now he can't even invite a new friend to smoke with him? Its just Connor Bowers. Somehow sweet and nice, Connor Bowers. Runs with Henrys gang, Connor Bowers. Hand dangerously close to Richie’s thigh, Connor Bowers. Richie’s eyes wouldn't leave Connors hand. Richie tried to act like he didn't see it, but he couldnt not look at it. Richie could feel his face getting hot again. Connors hand began to move. It went over Richies knee, not touching it though. Richie felt himself hold in his breath. His mind was moving a mile a minute, but also so silent. Where was it going to stop?

Connor stopped at a red light with a jolt and the hand went on Richies knee. Richie could feel a buzzing sensation from where his hand was. “Shit sorry, wasnt paying attention…” Connor moves his hand and opens the compartment infront of Richie. “I smoke is that cool?” he pulled out cigarettes and a lighter. And just like that, the hand and buzzing feeling were gone. 

“No! Nope, no, yeah go ahead! I smoke too! Actually yeah, I’ll join you!” Richie kept mumbling to himself as he tried to find his own pack. Richie felt Connor tap his shoulder. Richie turned and saw Connor handing him one of his cigarettes. Richie took it and shut up, nodding a thanks, feeling embarrassed. Richie watched as Connor lit his, Richie waited for the lighter but Connor put it down. Connor took a deep breath and blew smoke out of the window. He turned to face Richie.

“Put it to your mouth.” Connor said. Richie put his unlit cigarette to his lips. Connor leaned in and touched his lit end to Richies. Connor put his hand under Richies chin, lightly, as the cigarette end was red. Richie took a deep breath to keep it lit. The light turned green, but Connor didn't move from where he was. He glanced at Richies eyes and smiled when he saw Richie looking at him. If Richie didn't look like a fire hydrant, now he did. Richie has had a few sexually charged encounters, but this one takes the cake. Having Connor that close to him, and having someone light a cigarette? Pure sex, to him. Everything about this was so new and exciting and  _ badass.  _ Richie could feel the cigarette start to slip out of his mouth, he pushed it back in his mouth and took a drag. Not wanting to blow it in connors face, Richie had to turn away. Thats when Connor sat back in his seat normally and started driving once again. Richie was thankful it was so late and no one was out on the road. Connor coughed to clear the silence. “That-uh-saves on lighter fluid.” Richie couldnt help but start to giggle. Connor mocked hurt. “What! Lighters arent cheap. Its not like you can just steal them at a gas station when no one it looking.” Connor looked proud that Richie started laughing a little harder. 

Richie forgot why he was even in the car until Connor pulled into the diner parking lot. A part of Richie didn't want to get out of the car. Connor parked and they both sat in the idle car of a beat more before Richie spoke. “I didn't write anything yet.” he blurted out, using that as an excuse to not leave. Connor threw his cigarette butt out the window. Richie held his out his window, not done with it yet, anything to make this go on longer. 

“Don't worry about it, I’ll catch you next time.” Connor smiled at Richie and drummed his fingers on his steering wheel. 

“Next time?” Richie said hopeful.

“Well, I have to see how those brownies worked, right?”

Richie frantically finished his cigarette and tossed it. He grabbed the backpack and got out of the car. He grabbed his bike from the back of the seat and leaned over to talk to Connor in the drivers window. “Thanks again. It was really cool hanging out with you tonight.” Connor nodded and reversed out of the parking spot. Richie watched as he pulled out onto the street and drove off. Richies head was spinning. What was going on with him? Richie walked his bike over to Mikes truck and threw it in the back. As Richie walked back to the diners door, he thought about the night. He couldnt stop smiling.


	6. Chapter 6

Richie composed himself before sitting down next to Eddie in the booth with Stan. After everyone made jokes about him being late and Richie making Your Mom jokes, the food was brought to the table. Richies stomach turned when his plate was put in front of him. “A salad?” Richie started poking around with his finger. 

“A shrimp salad actually.” Ben said smiling, daring Richie to not eat it. 

Bill held up what Richie was guessed was a piece of shrimp. “This is going to be like the fish sticks all over again.” the table laughed. 

Eddie started poking around Richies salad with a fork. “Can you even eat cold shrimp? How do you know this was cooked all the way through.” he dropped the fork in the salad and grimaced. “Y’all are nasty, are you really going to eat this?” 

Richie shuffled his feet to feel Connor’s backpack between his legs. He bet that if he ate one of those brownies, he could eat almost anything. But Richies never been high in public before, so where did that thought come from? Richie was staring at the salad deep in thought he didn't realize Eddie was talking to him until he punched his shoulder. “Hello? Earth to Trashmouth?”

“Ow!” Richie rubbed his shoulder and looked at his friends. They were all in their own topics of conversation and not paying attention to them.

“So are you going to tell me what you were up too?” Eddie looked Richie right in the eyes. 

“Jeez, Eds, what are you? My mom?” Richie chuckled and looked away from Eddie. Something about looking Eddie in the eyes and lying to him didn't feel right. Richie thought about what happened in the car with Connor. Richie wanted to tell Eddie what was going on with him, but he didn't know where to start. He decided that he’ll tell Eddie later but not in front of everyone. This was Eddie after all, Richie told Eddie everything. 

“What? Do you have like a secret life? Are you a supervillain and you arent telling me?” 

“Why would I be a villain!” 

“You’re too dumb to think up plans to stop the bad guy, so you must  _ be _ the bad guy, ya know?” Eddie shrugged as if that was just a fact that everyone knew. 

Richie laughed and put his arm behind Eddie. “You say that now, but who was the one that needed tutoring from  _ me _ in ninth grade?” Richie had a wild grin on his face and gave him a noogie. Eddie yelled in protest and tried to push Richie off of him but ended up just pushing Riche out of the booth. Eddie scooted over to Richies spot, so he couldnt sit back down. The rest of the group laughed or groaned at the sight of these two. 

Eddie stuck out his tongue at Richie, who was still on the ground. “I’ll get you back for that.” he said with a laugh. 

“Richie, whats with the backpack?” Bev leaned over the table. 

Richie almost forgot to tell Bev, he smiled devilishly and got up. “Come to the bathroom, Bev and I’ll show you.” 

Everyone looked at Richie with suspicion and confusion. Bev asked Ben to move so she could get out and followed Richie to the bathrooms. Richie went into the guys bathroom, without hesitation, Bev followed. “This better be good, Tozier. This bathroom is disgusting.” 

Richie checked the stalls before talking. After the coast was clear he spoke. “I would have went in the girls but this setting is perfect for what I’m about to show you!” Richie put the backpack on the sink and zipped it open. He tilted it so Bev could look inside 

“..What am I looking at here?” she knitted her eyebrows together. Richie didn't say anything, he just giggled in response. Bev looked at Richie with wide eyes. “Wait! Rich!” She grabbed the backpack to get a better look without pulling out the brownies. “How did you..?”

“Connor Bowers gave them to me.” Richie could hardly contain his excitement. 

Bev made a face but then shrugged. “I didn't realize he sold. I guess that makes sense, him being a Bowers and all.” 

Richie zipped the bag back up. “I didn't buy them.” 

Bev looked at him with disbelief. “You didn't buy them? Rich.. what did you do to get these? Do you even know how much weed must be in this bag? We couldnt afford this!”   
  
Richie shook his head. “No, its not like that! This is the first time he made them and wanted someone to try them out, thats all!”

Bev leaned over on the sink and stared at Richie, analyzing him. “And why would we trust weed brownies from Connor Bowers personal kitchen? Do I have to remind you that he lives with Henry?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don't think we should eat those, Rich.”

Richie rolled his eyes and slung the bag over his shoulder. “Beverly. Connor is  _ not _ Henry. Just trust me on this, alright? He's pretty cool. He gave me a ride here.” 

Bev chuckled, dropping her concerned tone. “Geez, drop the attitude. All i’m saying is we should be careful. We obviously can't let these go to waste. I’d feel safer if someone was with us, sober.” she turned to face the mirror and started to fidget with her hair, avoiding eye contact with Richie. “Like, Bill. If we do this tonight, we should have someone that could handle both of us.”

Richie looked at her as she messed with her hair. Richie forgot about what Bill had told him in Stans car a few nights ago. “Are you going to tell me whats going on with you and Bill?” Richie moved behind her. She looked at him in the mirror with a small smile. 

“Maybe.” she turned and walked out of the bathroom. 

With a sigh, Richie followed her back out to the tables. 

* * *

The night was still young when they all piled into Mikes truck. Ben and Stan sat in the truck with Mike, with the rest squeezed in the bed with Richie’s bike. They kept the little window opened so they could hear the music. 

“Hey, want to come back to my house for a little bit?” Eddie asked Richie. It was only 1:30am and Richie didn't have work in the morning. This would be the perfect time to tel Eddie what happened with Connor. But he made plans with Bev and Richie knew Eddie wouldn't approve of the activities planned for their night. Bev had her face in the little window, telling Stan to mess with the radio for a better song. 

“Maybe later? I havent been home for hours, kinda want to get new underwear for when I see your mom.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and dropped the topic.

* * *

Mike dropped Richie, Bev and Bill off last. Bev explained to Mike what they were doing and Mike declined the offer to join. “I don't want to be a drug tester, but if they work, let me know.” and with a smile, he drove off. Richie laid his bike in the grass by Bill’s garage. Bill walked up to his basement door and unlocked it. He put his finger to his mouth, motioning them to be quiet. Before Georgie died, Bill’s dad was making the basement into a hang out for both of his sons friends to have a nice hang out and not bother the living rooms carpet anymore. During the process of that, Georgie died and his father lost the motivation. The Loser’s helped Bill finish it up, it had some pictures of the family that Bill’s mother didn’t want upstairs, a card table, folding chairs, and a sofa in front of an old tv. The Loser’s still used the club house mostly but Bill’s basement was a nice, cozy place for when it rained or they wanted to have a movie night. 

Bev made herself comfortable on one end of the sofa, kicking off her shoes. Richie sat next to her and put the backpack in front of them. Bill went and turned the tv on with a low volume when he turned around he saw how many brownies there were. “Holy sh-it, Rich.” 

Richie smiled and grabbed a brownie. “I know. I know.” he shoves it in his face.

“Richie!” Bev squealed. “You just ate it like that?”

“How are we supposed to be careful?” he said while chewing. “Only way to know is to eat it!” he laughed and swallowed. 

Bev looked at Bill, who had his blank expression on his face. Honestly, Richie love the guy, but what did Bev see in him? He only has two expressions, the blank serious one and a smile. Not a lot of dimensions there. Maybe there was more to Bill than Richie realized. A side of Bill that only someone dating him gets to see. Richie thought of what Connor’s other side would be. He’s probably a romantic, who just gives someone a bag of free weed brownies? Richie thought of the car and Connor’s hand under his chin and on his thigh. Richie could feel that brownie now, it came really fast. 

“H-how do you guys feel?” Bill asked from the other side of Bev. Richie leaned forward to look at Bill, but over shot it and ended up rolling on the floor face first. Bev barked out a laugh and then covered her mouth, still laughing. Richie curled in on himself and started laughing too. Richie felt fuzzy all over and so thirsty. He spread out on the floor and started making snow angels on Bills carpet. “I’ll take th-at as ‘fine’.” Bill sighed

“Beverly, hey, Bev, hey.” Richie flimsily kicked at her to get her attention.

“What, Richie?” She dragged out the sentence to be dramatic. 

“Come here, this floor feels amazing.” and so she did. Both of them were making snow angels on Bill’s floor. They kept knocking into each other as they did, but they did mind. 

“Billy! Lay with us.” Bev cooed and coaxed him to the floor. He didn't make angels, instead he just watched his friends be idiots. 

* * *

After an hour of playing cards and rubbing the carpet, Bev fell asleep on Bill’s lap. Richie sat in between Bill’s legs on the floor. Richie was still feeling that brownie and did not want to waste the time he had with it. He looked up to Bill, but he was nodding off. Richie flopped back on the floor. “Why are my friends so boring?” Richie got up off the floor and drank the rest of the water that Bill got for him. He put the brownies back in the backpack and walked around the room. In Richie’s current state of mind, this place was sad. Knowing Bill’s parents stashed away most of Georgies things and pictures down here in the basement that they hardly see, made Richie antsy. He looked over at the sleeping Bill and Bev. Maybe they needed each other in a way Richie didn't get yet. Richie shivered, would he ever have someone that got him? Richie rubbed his palms together and paced around the room. “Don't panic, Richie.” but he couldnt help it, he already felt his heart start to beat faster. Would Richie ever date? Would Richie find someone like Bill? No, not Bill, he meant Bev. Or did he? He remembers the feeling of Connor’s hand on his knee. He lets out a heavy sigh. He needed some air, he needed to get out of here. He glanced at Bill and Bev one last time before grabbing his things and walking out the door. 

Richie picked up his bike from the grass and started pedaling. Surprisingly, he didn't crash at all while high. Richie felt free as he felt the wind on his face. Why didn't he get high and bike more often? That cool summer breeze sent chills down his spine but he still couldnt shake the panic feeling from the back of his mind. He pedaled faster, almost flipping off as he jumped a curb but stayed on. He made a few turns and skidded to a halt. He knew exactly who he wanted to see right now, Eddie. Richie felt a little dizzy from all the biking and being high but he kept at it until he stood with his bike at his feet below Eddies window. 


	7. Chapter 7

Richie looked up at the fencing on the side of Eddie’s home. The vines that grew on it were thick and spouting small purple flowers. Richie followed the vines with his eyes, up to the little landing outside of Eddie’s window. He felt nauseous looking at how high it was. Was it always this high? Richie shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts. He looked around, he felt so exposed out in the open like this. His reflexes were slower because of the brownies, anyone could come out of the shadows and kill him. Richie grimaced and brought his hands to his head. “Stop.” Richie whispered to himself. He just needed to get inside with Eddie, it’ll be okay then. He grabbed the fencing and started to climb. His foot slipped and his body slammed into the side of the house. Richie let out a whimper as the air from his lungs left. He hung there, trying to be as still as possible in case anyone came to investigate. After a few moments of mild panic, Richie began to move again. He made it up this time without slipping. Richie laid on his stomach on the small roof. It felt nice on Richies skin; cool and rough. Richie, still having a foggy mind, forced himself to knock on Eddies window. 

He knocked four times before he heard shuffling by the window. The curtain moved and Richies savior was there. Richie grinned and got teary eyed when he saw Eddie. “Oh, Eddie..” 

“Shh!!” Eddie covered Richie’s mouth with his face full of panic. “Whisper!” Eddie pushed Richie away from the window so he could get out on the roof. He was wearing an old shirt and boxers and his hair was sticking up in the back. Richie wanted to hold Eddie’s hand and say sorry but all he could do was giggle. Relief rushed over him and when Eddie got settled, Richie hugged him. “What's wrong with you?” Eddie said with annoyance but hugged him back. 

“Eds, oh my Eds. I ate a brownie.” Eddie’s face scrunched up with confusion but before he could ask questions, Richie put a finger to his mouth. “Shh, please don't be mad, it’s fun and we were safe.”

Eddie frowned and pushed Richie’s hand away from him. “You didn't hang out with me because you got high? With who?”

Richie didn't want Eddie to be in this mood. He wanted Eddie to be in his good happy self mood. “Bev but Bill was babysitting. You know, Eds, I never want to be left alone with those two ever again. They kept making sex eyes at each other like I wasnt even in the room! That's why I just had to get out of there, well that and I kind of started freaking out? And-” 

Eddie grabbed Richie’s forearm from shock and squeezed lightly. “You’re high and you biked around by yourself?” Eddie tried to keep his voice down but he was too worried. 

“Eddie this isn't the point. The point is,” Richie looked at Eddie. “Will I find someone?” 

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I'll circle back to that… but what do you mean ‘find someone’?”

Richie sighed and looked at the sky. There weren't many stars out tonight which made Richie feel sad. “I don't know just…” Richie moved his hand to hold Eddie’s. He felt safe here. “Can I sleep here?”

Eddie bit his bottom lip. “Yeah, of course.” Richie started rambling about the trees and how they looked weird in the light of the moon but Eddie cut him off. “Hey… what were you doing before you got to the diner?” 

Keeping his eyes on the trees skyline, Richie smiled. “I was hanging out with Connor Bowers.” Ricihe gently flopped onto his back and examined the sky. “I wanted to tell you something, but I don't know how you’d feel about it…” Eddie tucked his knees to his chin and wrapped his arms around his legs. His silence made Richie worry. “But I also don't know how I feel about it? And I just wanted to talk it out with someone...that someone being you.”

Richie heard Eddie sigh before he looked at him. “Okay. This better be good, Richie. I'm freezing my ass off.”

Nodding, Richie continued, barley above a whisper. “Ever since Connor beat my score on Street Fighter I’ve been… thinking about him a lot. I feel like I’ve been looking for him everywhere I go now. I just think he’s really cool, I guess?”

“You guess?” 

Richie was getting tired now, he sat up and moved next to Eddie. “I don't know, that's the thing. Connor came into work tonight, that's why I was late. I really did lose track of time, we were playing Street Fighter- _ he just smashes buttons _ !” Richie scoffs. “Anyway… I had a really good time, like a great time. He was really funny and kind of refreshing? I don't know what that means.” Richie rubs his head and grabs his own hair, getting frustrated with his own thoughts. None of them made sense to him so how was he supposed to explain this to Eddie?

Eddie’s expression hasn’t changed this whole time and Richie didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. “What are you getting at, Richie.” His tone was calm but demanding. 

Richie came all this way, he couldn't not tell Eddie what happened in the car. He felt like he was building up this situation more than it deserves, it's not like they kissed. But wouldn't it have been better if they had? “He had his hand on my knee…” Richie felt Eddies eyes on him but he couldn't make eye contact, he was too embarrassed. “Nothing, like, happened!” he added quickly. “He just lit my cigarette with his and he had his hand under my chin and-and..” And what, Richie? Just say it. “It was kind of hot.” 

Richie waited for Eddie to say something, but he didn’t. Richie’s buzz from the brownie was pretty much gone and it was replaced with fatigue. If it wasn’t for the underlying fear of being rejected from his best friend, he would’ve passed out by now. Finally, Richie looked at Eddie, who was still staring at the trees. “Eddie, can you please say something, I’m going to piss myself from anxiety.” 

“Sorry, it’s just-” Eddie spread his legs out in front of him and looked at his feet. “Not what I thought you were going to say.” he let out a little tired chuckle and shook his head. “Okay, so, you like him? Is that what you're telling me? Connor Bowers?”

Richie wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear from him, but since it wasn’t hateful, he relaxed and leaned his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “Connor Bowers.” he let out a sigh. “I guess that is what I’m saying. This is crazy right? It’s only been a week but now that I’m thinking about it, he wasn’t the first guy I liked.” Richie felt Eddie shift under his head. Was he uncomfortable? Richie put his head on Eddie’s all the time, was telling Eddie he liked Connor changing things already? Richie moved his head so fast it was almost like he was shocked. “Shit, Eds, I’m sorry. I should probably head home.” he started shifting his weight to stand. 

Eddie looked at him with a worried expression. “What, why?”

Richie paused and examined him. He could see the goosebumps on Eddie’s outstretched arm. “You still want me to spend the night?” 

“I can’t let you go home like this, you’re basically asleep already.” Eddie pulled his arm back to his side. “Can we go inside? I think my balls are stuck to the roof.” 

Richie laughed, hard. Sudden relief filled Richie’s heart. What was he so worried about? This was Eddie, his best friend. Eddie, who fussed about germs but would still go to the barrens to explore with his friends. Eddie who was snarky, loved soapbox derbies and wore a calculator watch. Richie quieted down while Eddie shushed him. Richie grabbed the backpack. “Let's get to bed.” He followed Eddie through the window. 

After he closed the window, Eddie made his way to his dresser. Richie watched as he pulled out pajama pants and an extra shirt and made his way back over to Richie. “Here, so you don't have to wear the same clothes for 24 hours.” Richie nodded and went in a corner to change. He didn’t want to push boundaries with Eddie even if things were going well right now. Eddie got in the bed while Richie stood around feeling out of place. Eddie patted the small space next to him in the bed. “Hurry up, at this point I’m only getting about 4 hours of sleep thanks to you.” 

Richie stuffed his clothes in Connor’s bag and put it in the closet. He shimmied into bed next to Eddie. “Keep sweet talking me like that, Kaspbrak, and we can make it 3.” Richie went a little stiff with worry at what he just said. He wished he didn't say everything that popped into his head. But Eddie groaned and chuckled while he got settled into bed; Richie relaxed and did the same. 

Richie felt like he just shut his eyes when he woke up to Sonia’s alarm clock in the other room. He felt Eddie stir next to him and nudged Richie. “Get in the closet!” he whispered intensely. Richie was still groggy and his eyes hardly opened the full way but he rolled out of the bed and scurried to the closet. This wasn’t the first time Richie had to do this, it happened every time he had an impromptu sleepover with Eddie. Sonia liked to check in on Eddie before she went to work. She would pop in and out of the room while getting ready, Eddie would complain about it constantly. Richie used Connor’s bag as a pillow and laid down on the closet floor, it smelled like cigarette smoke with a hint of the weed brownies. What an odd picture for someone who just ‘came out’ to his friend. Richie chuckled at his thought and found a bed sheet to cover himself. He'd be damned if Sonia was going to ruin his sleep. 

Richie woke up again but this time Eddie kicked at Richie’s feet. “Come on, I’m hungry. Hello? Trashmouth? Don’t tell me you OD’d on those brownies.” 

“Not today.” Richie yawned and stretched, sitting up.

“Damn. I thought I’d finally have peace.” Eddie stuck out his hand to help Richie up. “I was thinking pancakes? You like blueberries, right?”

“Wow do you treat every woman like this? Sex and breakfast?” 

“Why do you make everything about sex.” 

“No, you’re supposed to say ‘who did you have sex with?’.” he used a mocking high toned voice for Eddie.

Eddie walked away from the closet. “You need new material, Rich.”

“You’re mom!” Richie called after him but he was already walking down to the kitchen. Richie changed before heading down with him. He smelled the pancakes before he saw them on the table. “You want orange juice or milk?” Richie asked as he walked over to the fridge and opened it. They both ate while Richie told Eddie the eventful night he had with a high Bev and sober Bill. Richie felt good about this, this was normal for them. Nothing changed with Eddie at least it didn’t look like it. Richie knew Eddie would ask him questions when he was ready to, and Richie would try to answer them honestly.


	8. Chapter 8

Richie and Eddie decided to spend some time at the mall and bother Bev at work. Richie took a shower at Eddie’s house and made a pit stop back at his house for some clean clothes and to drop off the backpack.

  
There weren’t many people on the bus for an early Sunday afternoon. Eddie had taken the window seat to stay clear of any random townies, Richie didn't mind the ally seat so it worked out. The bus was stuffy and smelled of B.O. and feet. There was one passenger toward the back of the bus and Richie would have guessed him dead if it weren't for the occasional snores coming from him. 

Over the years, Eddie has been defying his mother in small ways. Sonia would rage about him hanging around his friends, he snuck around to see them. Sonia told him he had asthma, turns out he didn't, so he tried not to use it as much out of spite. Sonia hated the diner because ‘too many punks hang around there’, Eddie went there every night. But the one thing Sonia could not stand and Eddie could not win his battle with was public transportation. The germs, too many people, horrible music. It always got to Eddie. He still carried around his inhaler in case his mother asked questions, but when he was on a bus he held onto it for dear life. Richie thought of it as Eddie’s security blanket. Richie felt Eddie’s arm clench and unclench the inhaler in his pocket. Normally, Richie would put his arm around Eddie to try to calm him a bit but something stopped him from doing so. After telling Eddie how he felt about another guy, physical touch seemed… wrong. He opted to try and use his words to calm him down instead. “Hey, Eds, it’ll be okay. Two more blocks.” Richie gave Eddie a thumbs up even though Eddie wasn't looking at him. 

“Let's get off now.” He clenched his fist again. 

Richie immediately leaned over and pulled the string above Eddie. At the ding of the bell, the person in the back woke with a start and screamed. Eddie jumped and took Richie’s hand in his. 

“Quiet down, Pete!” the bus driver yelled. “Don't make me call the police again!” 

Richie dragged Eddie out of the seat and off the bus. Eddie used his free hand to put his inhaler to his mouth but stopped short before using it. “We need our fucking licenses. I can't ride another fucking bus.”

“What kind of shit do you think that Pete guy was on? He was tweaking so bad, almost laughable.” Richie looked down at his hands in Eddie’s. Eddie followed his gaze and took his hand away. 

* * *

Riche waited outside the malls bathroom after Eddie made him wash his hands four times. Eddie was still in there washing up and probably calming himself down. Richie made a note to find the nearest phone and see if Mike or Stan could take them home later. He got tired of standing and sat on the bench closest to the bathrooms so Eddie could find him when he came out. He looked around at the store fronts, seeing some faces he would see around the halls in a few months. Bev worked in one of the clothes stores on the first floor, Richie could see the pink archway leading into the store. He could smell the soft pretzel stand on the second floor from here, he was getting hungry for lunch and he bet Bev wouldn’t mind a pretzel or two. Right before Richie was going to get up and check on Eddie, he came out of the bathroom. Richie smiled at him. “Wow, twenty minutes. That's your shortest time yet!” 

“That's what she said.” Eddie smiled back.

“Ah! Eddie gets off a good one!” Richie starts walking backwards toward the escalators. “Come on, I want food.” They stand on the up steps and face the steps going down. They make faces in the mirror on the side of the escalator as they ride on past, a ritual for The Loser’s. Richie and Eddie stand in line and watch the workers make the pretzels for the next day behind the glass walls. “I’ll buy you one, I was going to get Bev one.” Eddie smiled and nodded then ordered what he wanted, Richie ordered two pretzels and a blue slushie. 

“Your mouth is going to turn blue with that.” Eddie made a face at the slushie. 

“You’re just jealous that you can't have any of it. All this sugar and tons of food coloring-yum!” Riche takes a gulp of it. “Artificial blue razzberry..” Richie moaned in delight.

Eddie’s face got a little red and walked faster, away from Richie. “Why do I go out in public with you?” Eddie walks into Bevs work and Richie follows with a smile. “Bev, I’m so sorry, I tried to lose him.” 

Bev turns around, confused, but rolls her eyes when she sees Eddie. “Your lucky my boss just left for the day or else I’d be kicking you two out.” Bev glared at Richie. “Where the fuck were you last night?” She yanked the extra pretzel from his hands. “You think it's funny to just run off in the middle of the night in your condition?” She looked around to make sure none of her coworkers could hear or see her. 

Eddie glanced between Richie and Bev and took a step back to leave them at it. 

Richie shuffles his weight between his feet. How could he forget he just left Bev and Bill while really high last night? Admittedly, he didn't remember much of the bike ride over to Eddie’s, but he wasn't about to tell these two that. He made a mental note to tell Connor that the brownies were wicked. “Bev, I’m so sorry. I should've woken one of you up. I hope you accept the pretzel as an apology.” Bev barely looked at Richie and held her nose up, still very clearly annoyed at him. She kept eating the pretzel slowly, making Richie wait for forgiveness. “I’ll also pay for both your meals tonight at the diner?” Richie did feel bad for leaving them like that. He also felt pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. If he panicked about anything other than being lonely, maybe he’d feel a little less ashamed. 

Bev finished her food, she fixated her eyes on Richie’s slushie. “Maybe I’d forgive you if I wasn’t so parched.”

Richie rolled his eyes while Eddie laughed and he handed Bev the slushie. “Keep it, you deserve it for all the worry I caused.” 

“And you can still pay for dinner.” Bev smiled and moved closer to the two boys. “But really, where did you go? We called your house in the morning but you weren't there.” 

“I biked to Eddie’s.” Richie started eating his pretzel and looked around the department store. It was full of different colored walls that hurt your eyes if you focused too long on it. The clothes didn’t match the look of the store, everything was plan shirts and pants. Bev once told him the point of the store was to layer the clothes together, Richie didn't get it. 

This time, Bev rolled her eyes. “Of course you did, you could’ve gotten hit by, like, a truck or something.” 

Richie shrugged and kept eating. He didn't really want to talk about his mistake anymore and wondered around the jewelry section. He could feel Bev and Eddie’s on him as he walked.

“He's an idiot.” Bev said and slurped the slushie.

“Yeah, but he's ours.” Eddie took the slushie from her and took a sip as well. “Ugk, people just drink this shit?” 

Richie moved farther away from them and closer to the store front. He needed to make it up to Bev and Bill later, and Eddie for that matter. He made them worry and he hated that, he rather them just forget about his well being altogether, god, why did he have such great friends? Richie walked out of the store and threw away his garbage. 

Before he turned to head back into the store, Richie heard shuffling and aggressive voices. Being nosey, he stayed near the trashcan and strained his ears to listen. The voices sounded familiar, Richie just couldn't place them.

“I told you, I was jumped. Took my wallet and everything. I don't know what more you want from me.” The one voice said. It kind of sounded like Connors. Richie refrained from turning around just yet. He wanted more of the story and didn't want to risk getting seen. 

“Your shit stinks, it doesn't make sense. You don't have a scratch on you!” the other voice said. 

“They just took the backpack and my wallet! Damn, just let it go, it was just brownies.” This definitely sounded like Connor. Richie could hear their voices getting farther away, he turned his head just enough to see Connor standing outside of a skateboard shop. He looked pissed but he was alone. Before Richie had a clear thought, his feet were moving him toward Connor. His stomach doing little flips with each step. He made it half way then started waving at Connor. 

Connor looked right at Richie with wide eyes and turned away from him. He didn't move from his spot but he looked like he was looking for the person he was here with. A second passed and then Connor was walking up to Richie with a small smile. “Hey, kinda bad timing, meet in the bathroom in five?” Richie nodded and watched Connor walk into the skate store. 

Richie couldn't stop thinking about the small smile on Connor’s face. But why did they have to meet in the bathroom? Richie didn't know how long had passed and just went to the bathroom on the floor. Once he opened the door he could smell the odor of the public restroom, the floors were sticky and made his shoes squeak. The fluorescent lighting there made him feel exposed. He looked at himself in the mirror and whined. Why did he wear this shirt today? It had a stain on it from god knows when. His face was getting hot. Richie cleaned his glasses on the bottom of his shirt and set them on the sink. He splashed some water on his face. He grabbed some paper towels and dried his face and put his glasses back on. Connor was going to meet him in this empty bathroom. He couldn't help but think of the scene in the car and smile. Richie saw his smile in the mirror and frowned. Why did he smile like that? God, he was embarrassing. 

Richie stayed in the bathroom for seven minutes and felt unbelieveably stupid. Does he just do whatever Connor tells him now? Eddie was probably worried, Richie forgot to even tell them where he was going and now he's been gone for ten minutes. Richie kicks the wall and heads out into the hallway leading back into the main part of the mall. 

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry for holding you up.” Connor calls from behind Richie. He turns around and feels butterflies in his stomach once more. How could he doubt Connor? Of course he would come, he probably has a good explanation. 

Richie walks over to him and smiles. “It’s cool, I needed time to shit anyway.” Richie made plans to kill himself later tonight. He chuckles nervously. “Ha. Ha. Jokes.” 

Connor smiled and started walking back to the bathroom. “I had to do some business but whats up? Do you get to use the brownies yet?” 

Richie shut the door behind him and leaned on the wall. Eddie would hate to see Richie on the wall of this disgusting bathroom, but Richie needed something to do besides stand there awkwardly and this was the best option. “Yeah! Last night actually, they were  _ strong _ .” Richie laughed. “It lasted me, like, three almost four hours? I biked to my friend's house and I don't even remember it.” Richie rubbed the back of his head.

“Oh good! Glad you liked them.” Connor smiled and leaned on the sink closest to Richie. 

“Yeah, are you sure that was the first time you made them?” Connor just chuckled. 

They stood in silence for a few minutes. Why did Connor want to meet Richie here? Was this the only reason? If so, couldn't he have just asked out in the main part? Not alone in the smelly bathroom? Richie felt the awkwardness in the air, almost choking him. He felt the need to speak but couldn't think about anything to say. Why was it with Connor he didn't know what to say but knew to talk about shit? Brain, how do you function. Thankfully, Connor broke the silence. 

“Do you have any left?” Connor asked after a moment. 

“Oh yeah, we only ate two. You can have the rest back if you want. It doesnt feel right having all of that. You should try them out I mean you did make them.” 

“Right, well…” Connor turned and looked at himself in the mirror. It was only twenty minutes ago that Richie did the same thing in the same mirror. “Let’s do it together? If you want?”

Richie’s face lit up in a smile. “Yeah, for sure, totally! Smoking with the cool man himself.” Richie chuckled, again, thinking of ending it all. 

“I’d say the same thing about you.” Connor ears went red. “Listen, I liked hanging out with you last night. I’d love to do it like often? On like a more regular basis?” Connor didn't look Richie in the face. 

“Oh…” Richie blushed and tucked a curl behind his ear. He felt like a chick, god dammit. “Yes. I’d love that. You can come over to my place tonight?”

Connor pushes up his coat sleeve and pulls out a sharpie from his back pocket. He takes the cap off with his mouth. “What's the address?” he says with the cap in his mouth. Richie thinks that was the dumbest and cutest thing he's ever seen. He told Connor his address with some directions if he gets lost. Conor wrote all it all down on his arm and pulled his sleeve back down. “See you at ten.”


	9. Chapter 9

Richie and Eddie called Mike to pick them up from the mall and save them another trip on the city bus. Richie didn't tell the others about his meeting with Connor in the bathroom. When Eddie asked where he was that whole time Richie replied, “Can’t a man shit without you knowing?”. Richie felt mean for being a little harsh but he couldn't talk about Connor in front of Bev and Mike. 

Richie got dropped off first and practically dived out of the truck. He waved his goodbyes and sprinted into his house. He looked around the mud room, it had shoes everywhere but there were only three people that lived here, why did they have so many shoes? He started straightening the shoes when his mom called for him.    
  
“Richard? Honey, is that you?” 

Richie got back up and looked at the jackets. Why were they all over the place? Did no one know how to hang a coat? “Yeah, it's me.” he said in an irritated tone. 

His mother rounded the corner with a frown. “Why do you sound like that? What's wrong?”

“We have so much-!” Richie stopped himself before he cussed in front of his mother. She raised an eyebrow at him. “-stuff! There are only three of us.” Richie started organizing the coats into sizes, stops, looks at it, then rearranged them into three piles, Richie, mom, dad. 

“Well, it's not like I get a lot of help around here.” she huffed and walked away. “You know, if you don't like how something is done, you can just do it yourself.” 

Richie sighed, he didn't mean to upset his mother. He was suddenly overwhelmed at the thought of Connor Bowers being in his home. He needed everything to be neat and nice for him. For him? No, just because. “I’m sorry, mom. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I’ll help around the house today.” 

She smiled as he walked into the kitchen. “That’s great! I’ll make you a list, then I’ll make you a sandwich.” She pinched his cheek, pulling him down so she could kiss the top of his head. “Why did you have to be so tall…” She walked to the counter and started making him a list of chores. 

Richie went up to his room to start there. He opened his door and sighed. He had dirty clothes all over his floor and two weeks worth of garbage in the corner over flowing from his tiny trash can. He decided to start with the clothes on the floor, he filled his laundry bag and still had a decent amount on his floor. He groaned. This was too much work for him. Even with his jitteriness he didn't feel like picking up his clothes, he used his foot to nudge the remaining clothes under his bed. He’s sure Connor wouldn’t be looking under there anyway. 

  
  


Richie made his bed and called it a day for his room. His mother called up to him and he started working on the rest of the house work. The hours were ticking by, Richie could hardly wait. He sat down for dinner once he was finished and was handed a crisp twenty dollar bill.

“For helping your mother around the house on your day off.” his father said after handing the money to him. “Maybe if you do this more often, you’d have enough money for a car by now.” Richie thanked his parents, pocketed the money and scarfed down his food. 

It was now 9:57pm and Richie waited down in the living room with his parents so he wouldn't drive himself crazy while waiting. This was a mistake, his parents kept looking at him like he was some random dude dressed in a clown outfit sitting in their Lazy E Chair. Sure, Richie didn’t spend a bunch of time with his parents but did he really deserve all the looks? After the 6th look from his father, Richie said, “I’m waiting for my friend to show up.”

“Oh, Eddie?” his mother said. 

“Oh, Beverly?” his father said at the same time.

Why would they think either of them would be coming over? “What? No. His name is Connor.”

His mother knitted her eyebrows together. “Connor? You've never talked about a Connor before…”

Richie sniffs and rubs his nose to seem more nonchalant. Why did he have to act nonchalant? Talking about a friend coming over was a completely normal thing to do with parents. “We had a class together last year and met back up at the arcade.” That wasn’t a total lie. 

His father just nodded his head. Sometimes, Richie felt like his father _ knew _ . Knew that he wasn’t interested in girls. At least he wasn’t right now, maybe this was just a phase. He always heard that expression growing up, why would this be any different. But Wentworth Tozier just had this look in his eye everytime Richie would talk about his guy friends, a _ knowing  _ look. Not evil but not a positive type of look, Richie never wanted to bring it up. He tried to forget about it and looked at the grandfather clock in the living room. Connor said he would be here around 10, it was a little after that. Richie tried not to freak out but what if he didn't show? He would’ve worked around the house and stressed about out over nothing, again. But he was late for the bathroom meet up and still showed up, Richie just had to wait it out. 

“Rich, we are going to bed.” his father went over to where Richie sat and rubbed his head, messing up his hair. “Don’t stay out too late tonight, you worried your mother when you didn't come home last night.”

Richie smiled and fixed his hair. “Okay, I’m sorry.” Richie's mother came over and gave him a hug. They said their goodnights and went up to bed. 

Connor didn't roll up outside of Richie’s until 10:40pm. Richie couldn’t be annoyed at him once he saw him. He had a nice button up shirt on and pressed pants. Richie looked down at his graphic shirt and jeans. Was he supposed to dress up? He started to feel nervous but Connor was already at the door. Richie opened the door and leaned on the door frame. “You shouldn’t keep ladies waiting.” Connor’s ears got a little red and he smiled at him. “No, but, seriously, should I change?” 

Connor shook his head. “Nah, you look great.” Connor peered behind Richie. “So, are you gonna invite me in or..?” 

Richie was waiting for him to have an excuse as to why he was late or at least an apology but moved to let him in anyway. I guess Connor didn't need to tell Richie what he was doing with his free time. Still, Richie didn't like that he was late twice today. “What’s on tonight's agenda? I kind of have to be at the diner at 12, but we can hang out in my room? I have some cool records I got for my birthday last year-”

  
“I was thinking we could go for a drive?” Connor walked around the front part of Richie’s home. He didn't have any real expression on his face, that made Richie worry. His father was a dentist for the town, he did have a nice house, meanwhile Connor lived on the wrong side of the tracks and had to move in with his uncle and cousin. Maybe having Connor over was rude, Richie didn't want to make him think Richie was bragging or something. Wow, Richie worried a lot about what Connor thought. 

Richie dramatically sighed and said, “A drive? Sure, why not. It’s not like I cleaned my whole house today just to impress you.” Richie really hoped that had the right amount of sarcasm in it. Even though that statement was true, he didn’t want Connor to  _ know _ that.

Connor had a cheeky smile on his face. “Oh did you?”

“You wish.” Richie grabbed his house key and put on his shoes. 

Connor moved closer to Richie and spoke in a hushed tone. “Do you still have those brownies?” Richie nodded, a small blush on his face from Connor being so close. “Can you bring them?” 

Richie’s stomach twisted a bit. “Bring them? Why?” 

Connor smiled and took a step back. “To eat them of course.”

“But aren’t you driving?” Richie felt so lame for saying that. He liked the idea of being high with Connor but he had a voice in the back of his head saying this could be bad if he drove. 

“Don't worry.” Connor moved closer once more and rubbed Richie’s lower back. Richie could feel his face getting hot. “I do this all the time. Completely safe, I promise.” he held his free pinky up to Richie. Richie couldn’t think straight, with Connor’s hand rubbing his lower back and just the mere thought of being around Connor was too good to pass up for him. Richie loved the attention he was getting from Connor, however infrequent it was. Was he really going to pass up this opportunity to hang out with Connor?

With a smile, Richie hooked his pinky with Connor’s. 

Once Richie got in the car with the backpack, he handed Connor a brownie and had one for himself. Connor smiled at him and the touched them together, like at the end of a toast. “Bet I can finish before you!” Connor said and shoved his in his mouth. Richie laughed at the crumbs around Connor’s puffed up cheeks but he quickly started eating his.

Connor finished first with a smack of his lips. “Damn, those were good.” 

Richie finished his but felt his whole mouth was caked in the brownie bits still; he needed some water. “Well, you made them.”

Connors face scrunched up in confusion. “Made them-?” Connor’s eyes got bigger and laughed sheepishly. “-Oh! Right! Uh,” Connor started the car. “I was afraid they'd be shit, I guess.” 

Richie raised an eyebrow at Connor but didn't push for more information. Connor did tell Richie that this was the first time he made those types of brownies, but if Richie made anything he’d want to try them before giving them out to anyone. And with that conversation Richie overheard at the mall swimming in his head, maybe Connor didn't make them. Maybe he wasn't supposed to give them to Richie in the first place. But why would he risk getting in trouble with Henry? Why give Richie the brownies for free? 

Connor pulled out of the spot and started driving aimlessly around town. It didn’t take long for Richie to start feeling the effects of the brownie, anytime Connor would say something, Richie would uncontrollably laugh. Richie grabbed Connor’s cigarettes that were sitting in the cupholder and helped himself to one. Connor had a shit eating grin on his face while watching Richie light the cigarette. Richie let out a little victory laugh when he finally got it to light. He held the pack out to Connor.

Richie watched as Connor slid the pack out of Richie’s hand and it landed somewhere on the floor. Richie doesn’t care, fuck that pack of cigarettes because Connor Fucking Bowers is holding his hand. His whole body was buzzing from the weed but once Connor took Richie’s hand in his, it got stronger. Richie couldn’t stop himself from blushing but he tried his hardest not to giggle from excitement. Richie glanced at Connor’s face, he was focusing way too hard on the road but that could also be because of the weed. Richie did notice Connors ears were blood red, he couldn't stop the giggles this time. He was too giddy with emotions he couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. Connor stopped at the traffic light, even though it was green, and laughed along with Richie. “What’s so funny?” Connor fumbled with his words as he laughed. 

“Nothing! I’m just so fucking happy right now!” Richie wiped the tears that were forming from laughter. Neither one of the boys dared move the hands that were clasped together. “I think I’ve wanted this since-fuck,” He laughs again. “I don't know, since you beat my score on Street Fighter.” 

Connor’s smile gets wider and he squeezes Richie’s hand. “I have to tell you something…” Connor tries to compose his face to look serious. “I don't just randomly press buttons.”   
  
“What!” Richie moved in his seat to face Connor while swiftly changing the hands that they were holding. “I  _ knew _ it!”

Connor throws his head back and barks out a laugh. “You just seemed so-so-!” Connor fixes his body to face Richie. “Upset that I beat your score! I wanted you to like me! I let you win those few rounds too!” 

Richie threw his cigarette out the window and pressed his free hand into his face, under his glasses. “Oh, _ God _ . I’ve been fooled! Blinded by a badass with blonde curls!” 

Connor nudges Richie. “Shit, are you always this dramatic?” Connor’s hand stays on Richies chest where he nudged him. 

Richie bounces back from being nudged and laughs. “Yeah, it’s part of my charm.”

Connor balls up Richie’s shirt and pulls him closer. “You really think I’m badass?” 

Richie’s breath hitched. He focused on Connor’s lips; they were so close now. Richie’s head was swimming, all he wanted more than water right now were Connor’s lips pressed onto his. Richie dry gulped and nodded. The car was silent, he could only hear their breathing and Richie’s pounding heart. Richie had girlfriends in the past, even made out with a few others at parties, but this was different, this meant so much more. This felt more real than any other time with a woman. Richie could feel the tension in the small space between Connor’s and his lips, he thought he could see the energy waves between the two. 

And then, finally, Connor closed the distance. Richie felt Connor’s warm skin on his and inched closer. Richie’s other hand moved to Connor’s hair, it felt soft in between his fingers. The hand that Connor used to pull Richie closer was now sliding to rest on his neck. Somewhere off in the distance the light turned red, then yellow, then green again. Richie forgot all about the outside world. Who were his friends, his family? Who was Richard Tozier? It was just this feeling now, the warmth and tingle of another person's hands roaming his body. Connor’s sped up breathing sounding like music to his ears, the weed amplifying the moment times ten. 

A horned beep from behind them and the two jumped apart. “Shit!” Connor said and glared at the highlights behind them. 

Richie hit his head on the roof of the car and slouched down in his seat with his hand on his head. He could hardly catch his breath, his heart was pounding for a completely different reason than before. Did the driver see Connor and him kissing? Could they make out the shapes? How long was the car sitting there, watching them in an act so private for Richie? He felt like he needed a hit off of Eddie’s fake inhaler. 

Connor stuck his head out the window and motioned for the car behind them to go around. “Move it, dickwad, I’ve got car trouble!” Connor came back in the car muttering insults under his breath. As the car went around them, the driver flipped them off. Connor stuck his hand out the window. “Yeah! Right back at ya, pal!” Connor reached for his cigarettes on the floor. “That guys lucky I didn’t see his face or he’d be dead by morning…” Connor’s face contorted into worry when he saw Richie hyperventilating. “Woah, Richie!” Connor rolled down all of the windows and had Richie sit up normally in the seat. “Talk to me what’s going on in there?” Connor poked Richie’s head but he didn’t show any signs of calming down. 

“They saw us, Connor!” 

Connor reached over Richie and felt around he side of the seat to recline Richie’s seat. “Okay, chill out, focus on the patches.” Connor pointed at the patches on the ceiling and read some out loud. “Skate fast, Eat ass.” Connor winced. “I was given this one as a joke..” He continued. “This one that says B.A.D.D has a fun story. Belch Huggins was totally wasted one night and started a fight with some bikers at this bar,” Richie tried to focus on the story and it seemed to be distracting him enough to get his breathing under control. “Belch decked one in the face before they even knew what was happening,” Connor chuckled. “They pulled switchblades on him! Anyway, he took one of their jackets, I snagged this one before the boys burned it.”

Richie glanced at Connor’s face, it seemed to beam while retelling his stories. Richie hoped he could one day have a story with Connor that he tells to someone with such fondness. Richie smiled and tried to focus on what Connor was saying again but he couldn’t find the patch he was talking about. Instead, Richie saw a small blue one with a picture of a boy swimming on it. Richie lifted his hand to point at it. “Is this a boy scout badge?”

Connor fell silent once he saw which one Richie was pointing at. “I mugged a boy scout.”

Richie propped up on one elbow and looked at Connor, skeptical. “Bullshit. What did he do? Sell you the wrong box of cookies?” Richie laughed at his own joke a little too hard.

Connor rolled his eyes and faced away from Richie. “That’s the girl scouts, dumbass.” Richie kept laughing, Connor was visibly embarrassed. “I was a boy scout, okay?” he threw up his hands. “That's the swimming merit badge and I worked hard to get it!”

“Aw, Connor-!”

Connor shoved Richie, playfully. “Oh, shut up. It was one year and this was the only badge I got out of it.” 

“I didn’t know you could swim, my friends and I would go swimming at the quarry all the time. You could come with us sometime? We don’t go down much anymore because Bowers-” Richie stopped, not wanting to talk badly about the cousin of the boy he just finished making out with. “You know what, nevermind. Eddie didn’t even like going down there all that much, we would always have to drag him.” Richie smiled as he remembered him and his friends as kids. Running around like they owned Derry and life was theirs.

Connor shifted and kissed Richie on the lips once more. As Connor pulled away, Richie tried to follow him and make the kiss last longer, or start up another make out but it didn't work. “I should get you to the diner now, huh?” Connor, ignoring the red light, started moving the car again. Richie faced the fact that whatever just happened, would not be starting up again. Richie fixed his seat to sit normally again and nodded. He kept glances at Connor, who shared the same smile Richie had. 

“Thanks for calming me down…” Richie said before they pulled into the diner’s parking lot.

“Don't mention it, I’m like a pro by now. Do I have to remind you I babysit druggies like every night?” Connor parked two spaces beside Mike’s and Stan’s vehicles. 

“That must suck.” Richie ran a hand over the graffiti on the dash. “Living with Henry.”

Connor shrugs his shoulders and grabs his pack of cigarettes again, realized they were empty, and threw them out the window. “It’s not all bad. I do some errands for him, he leaves me alone for awhile.” He points to the backpack, Richie forgot it was even there. “That will save my ass this week. Henry was pissed when I didn’t have any money to give him.”

Richie reached for the door handle but lingered. “Why did you give me those? You told me you made them but now it sounds like you were supposed to sell them for Henry.” 

Connor let out a loud sigh and looked at the ceiling. “I don't know. It was an excuse to see you again? I wanted to seem badass? Cool?” Connor shrugged. “Henry doesn’t scare me, he’s already done his worst to me.”

“What does that mean?” Richie placed his hand over Connor’s but Connor moved his hand to the steering wheel.

“Next time, maybe.” He smiled at Richie and turned the radio on for the first time. “See, ya.” 

With all of Richie’s strength and will, which there wasn't much now, he got out of the car. Connor didn’t wait and sped off into the night. Richie stood in the parking lot for a moment before heading inside. The breeze felt great on his skin, just like it did the night he was biking to Eddie’s. Richie needed a minute to process the night but his head was getting heavy. He couldn't remember what time it was, how late was he? He faced the diner and forced his legs to move forward, as he approached he could see his friends in the window. A smile spread on his face as he saw them laughing, he was happy they were happy. Richie loved his friends with his whole heart, they kept him going. He so desperately wanted to tell them about Connor and how he made Richie feel almost the same way they did. 

Richie didn't realize his feet stopped moving until Eddie made eye contact with him through the window. His eyes scrunch up then widen when they see it’s Richie. Richie just waves at him, happy to see Eddie again after the long night he had. He didn't remember seeing Eddie getting out of the booth but now he was in front of him. Standing just a few inches shorter than Richie, Eddie tried wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Richie just laughed and hugged Eddie as he shushed Richie and tried to help him inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is a bit longer than the others! i hope you liked it this chapter is my favorite rn i think ★~(◡‿◡✿)


	10. Chapter 10

Richie spent most of the night looking at the inside of his eyelids and tried to focus on not throwing up. He was pretty sure he was sitting on the inside of the booth, Eddie blocking him in and Stan was sitting across from him. No, wait, maybe it was Ben? Richie rubbed his face into his sleeve and lifted his head from the table. Bev and Stan sat across the table, Bev looked worried and Stan seemed highly amused. “Take a picture, put me in a funny pose, this will be great for the clubhouse.” Richie whispered and slurred his words. He put his head back in his arms on the table, he couldn't lift it for long, it was too heavy. He heard a few snickers at what he said and he smiled. ‘I still got it.’ Richie thought. He tried his best to listen to the conversations his friends were having, he knew it was about him but he couldn't keep up, they were speaking too fast.

“He can’t go home like this. How will we get him up the steps without waking his parents?” 

“He’s really gone this time, huh?” 

“What about your mom, Eddie?” 

Richie realized every time he closed his eyes, a chunk of the night went missing, so he kept his eyes open and stared at Stan’s water cup. His eyes were unfocused and every one was blurry. Richie reached his hand out and took the water cup, why was everything so blurry? Richie propped his head up with his arm and started chugging the water. He didn't sense all the eyes of his friends watching him dribble water down his chin and front of his shirt. Richie put the glass down a little harshly and rubbed his face. It was smooth and oily and he felt something missing. “Mmm… glasses?” he mumbled and put his head back down, all while blinking fast so he wouldn't miss any time with his friends. 

“I had to clean them, they were all marked up. How can you even see out of these, foureyes? It's so scratched up and constantly filthy.” Eddie placed Richie’s glasses down in front of him on the table. Richie moved his eyes onto the glasses and fixated on them for the time being. 

“Are you hungry, Richie?” He heard Mike call from somewhere. 

“Stop, don't make him eat that right now, guys.” Ben protested. 

“Give it here.” Richie pushed himself up and sat straight. He may fall asleep at any moment, but he was with his friends and he’ll be damned if he missed the meal for the night. Bill had a wicked smile as he placed a plate of meat in front of him. Riche poked it with his finger, felt like meatloaf. 

“Rich, put your glasses on.” Eddie said, what was that tone in his voice? Richie looked at Eddie, he had a small smile on his face.

Richie’s heart fluttered a little and quickly looked away to put his glasses on. The more Richie moved, the more awake he felt. He still didn't have a lot of strength and moved like a sloth. 

“Go on, Richie.” Stan nudged the plate a little closer to him. “It’s meatloaf, it has all the fixing!” 

Richie’s eyes swept his friends' faces. Ben and Bev looked grossed out, Mike, Bill and Stan were way too happy about this, he didn't look at Eddie's face. Richie could feel the hunger sit in, it hit like a ton of bricks to his balls. For the first time since eating the brownie, his mouth watered for this grey looking slab of ‘meatloaf’. With a shrug, Richie dug in. He heard some disgusted tones but ignored them, he hasn't eaten since 6:30pm. “What time is it?” 

“Close to two. We should be heading out soon, what are we doing with him?” Mike looked around to everyone but Richie.

“Him? You mean me?” Richie says with a mouth full of food. 

Ignoring him, Bev says, “We’re going to keep him in Bill’s basement.” She smiled at Richie. “Honey, stop eating that, it smells like garbage.” 

“I don’t want to be in Bill’s creepy basement by myself.” He couldn't stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. Not that Richie isn’t used to that happening, but it was still embarrassing. Richie pushed his plate away and rested his head again. All this talking and hardly blinking made him more tired. 

When he opened his eyes again, he was in the backseat of Stan’s dad’s car with Bill next to him and Eddie in shotgun. “What…?”

“Oh, fuck, youre awake?” Eddie spun in his seat. “I kicked you like 6 times and you didn't show any sign of life.” 

“You got to-too high tonight, Rich-chie. You awake enough to tell us what ha-a-happened?” Bill, always being nice and trying to get to the bottom of things. Richie patted Bills thigh but it was more his crotch. The sober boys in the car decided not to tell Richie about this in the morning, saving Bill from future Richie esque comments. Richie leaned forward to rest his head on Eddie’s seat.

Richie opened his eyes again and he was being carried by Stan and Bill under either arm. “Wait, you guys didn’t buy me dinner first.” 

“Actually,” Stan readjusted Richie’s arm. “We found a twenty in your pocket, you paid for us.” He heard his friends laugh and Richie sighed. He started walking normally again but let the boys keep ahold of his arms, just incase he wiped out on the lawn. 

“Where’d Eddie go?” Richie asked before Bill opened the garage door. 

“He’s a-already inside.” Bill pushed open the door and headed in. 

Richie steadied himself enough to walk down the steps by himself. He felt incredibly grateful for his friends. He looked at the original three best friends. Don't get him wrong, he loved Mike, Bev and Ben just the same and the group wasn’t whole without them, but these three boys were what Richie realized now, his first crushes. He laughed at the thought, all of them completely different from the next. Bill, always doing what was right and just, keeping everyone's head out of water while he was drowning with the loss of his brother and parents neglect. Stan, always trudging threw his own mental health and coming out stronger, being sensitive about his surroundings yet smooth and charming and loving birds shamelessly. Eddie, caring for his loved ones and determined to prove himself to those who doubt him. Everything Richie wished he could be and admired about each of them was unique. He pushed the thoughts away. The boys sat Richie on the couch, he put his head in his hands and groaned.

“You okay, Rich?” Stan asked as he sat next to Richie.

Richie hasn't had a thought about his friends like that since he was thirteen, must be the weed. He felt embarrassed and almost disgusted at himself for feeling like that about his friends. Of course they were straight, they all had girlfriends at one point. But so did Richie. “Just embarrassed.” 

Bill placed three glasses of water on the table, Eddie followed behind him with pillows and blankets. “Don’t be em-b-b-arrassed, you’d do the same th-hing for us. But you are so telling us w-wh-hat the fuck you did tonight.”

Richie nodded and chugged one of the glasses of water. He started to feel like himself again, the weed effects wearing off and more awake. “Thanks again, guys. I don't know what I would do without you.” 

“Probably dead on the street with syphilis.” Eddie said while laying the blankets on the floors.

“He has to have sex first.” Stan chuckled at his own jab.

Richie sat the glass down and faced Stan. “Too bad you don’t have a sister, Stan. I’d be her first.” Eddie and Bill laughed.

Stan pushed him away, face of disgust and amusement. “Stay away from my imaginary sister, Trashmouth.” Stan got up from the couch and grabbed his keys. “I’m gonna head out, dad wants me at his service in the morning.”   
  
“D-does he k-know you eat pork?” Bill smiled. 

Eddie laughed. “Or had sex with that Catholic girl?” 

“Or smoked weed for the first time the night of your bar mitzvah?” Richie joined in.

“Your ass is staying here, Kaspbrak. Have fun dealing with your mom in the morning.” Stan waved and said his goodnights, heading for the door. Eddie groaned and face planted into one of the pillows on the floor. 

“Oh, great,” Bill looked at Richie and Eddie. “I’m stuck with b-bo-oth of you in my basement?” 

“We’ll keep the moaning to a low volume, big Bill.” 

“Beep, beep.” Bill sighed. “Just d-don't wake my parents, I’m going to my comfy w-wr-warm bed, enj-j-oy the floor.” Bill took the empty glass up with him. 

Richie turned to Eddie. “Sorry you're stuck with me. I feel like it's always you babysitting me.”

“Someone has to watch your spazzy ass.” Eddie turned his head and looked at Richie. “I was planning on staying the night anyway.” Eddie sat back up on the floor and examined Richie. “How do you feel?”    
  
Richie shrugged. “Fine. I think it’s over for the most part, still a little foggy. My mouth feels disgusting though.”

Eddie nods, knowingly. “It’s probably the tofu meatloaf you ate at the diner.” 

Richie groaned and started taking his shoes off. “ _ Tofu _ ? What diner has tofu meatloaf! No wonder it looked grey.” He takes off his jeans to get comfortable and finds his pack of cigarettes. “Hell yeah, I’m going outside, wanna come?” Eddie isn't looking at Richie, but staring at his feet. Richie wondered why he looked uncomfortable. “Or don’t, I know you don't like smoking, but at least get into something comfy. You look so stiff in those jeans and it's 2:30am. No time for pants.” Richie blushed at what he said. “Uh, not like… not like that obviously, I mean-” 

Eddie laughed a little and stood up. “Shut up, I’ll go out with you.” 

Ever since coming out to Eddie, Richie realized how sexual his speech is. He knew the nickname Trashmouth fit, but he didn’t fully get it until now. He didn’t want the dynamic between Eddie and him to change but he didn't want to make Eddie uncomfortable. 

The wind was hardly out now and the summer heat was setting in. Richie lit his cigarette and tried to recount the night. Most of it was still there and it made him smile remembering it. “Stop smiling like that, it’s creeping me out.” Eddie said next to him in the grass. Richie just smiled wider. Bill’s backyard was still, Richie could almost make out the holes in the ground where the swingset used to be. 

He flicked the ash to the side of him. “Sorry, just..”

“..Thinking about Connor.” Eddie had no real tone in his voice. 

Richie glanced at him and frowned. “What?”

“Ever since you saw him in the diner, you make that stupid creepy smile.” Richie’s face got hot, he took a hit from his cigarette, not knowing how to respond. Eddies voice got smaller. “You were with him again, tonight. Weren't you?”

Richie shifted where he was sitting. “We don't have to talk about this, ya know. If it makes you feel… uncomfortable. We don't have to bring it up anymore, Eds.”

Eddie shook his head. “Stop saying that. That’s not why I’m asking. I’m just…” Eddie sighed and looked ahead of them. “Worried about you. You were late the other night because of him. Now you're showing up late and  _ high _ at the diner? That's not like you, Richie. We all promised not to do that shit out of the clubhouse or Bill’s. You know, so we would at least have all of us there to help each other if something went wrong. You were out there alone with Connor fucking Bowers, high. What if something happened? Your friends weren't there to help! We need each other-”

“Eds, Eddie, hey, slow it down there okay? Breathe.” Richie put out his cigarette and left it in the grass. “Look, I’m sorry, I didn't realize you worried about shit like that. I was fine, see? You helped me make it here. Thanks for not taking me home by the way, I’d be a mess by myself.” 

“I worry about everything, I thought you would pick up on that by now. But you are the dumbest person I know, I should've known better.” Richie smiled at the return of snarky Eddie. The boys sat outside for a few moments. Taking in the late night summer air and the quietness of Derry in whole. Right when Richie was about to point out a fake constellation and tell Eddie a story that would end in a ‘Your Mom’ joke, Eddie spoke up. “Rich, can I ask now?”

Richie turned his head to look at Eddie, who wasn't looking at him. “Huh?” Considering Eddie wouldn't look at him, this wouldn't be easy to answer. Richie’s stomach went in knots and just stared at his friend. 

“Who were the boys you liked before Connor?” Richie could tell that question made Eddie uneasy, so why bother asking? 

Richie looked away from Eddie. “Oh.” He chuckled nervously to fill the air. How was Richie supposed to answer this? Would Eddie tell his friends what Richie told them and then they all turn their backs on him? No, this was the loser’s club and loser’s stick together. Richie needed to stop thinking that his friends would turn against him with a flip of a switch. They clearly care about him, they just took care of him at the diner high off his mind. Richie sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “Why do you want to know so bad? They were just dumb small crushes when I was like twelve. My feelings are completely, like, gone now for them.” Richie tried to set up a clear road to tell the truth. He didn't want Eddie to be weirded out that Richie might still have a crush on him, Stan, or Bill. 

“Just tell me.” Eddie almost whined, his grip on the grass getting tighter. 

“Please, Eddie. Don’t… Don't get mad at me?” Richie felt like he could cry. He wanted Eddie to know all of him but was so afraid of the rejection. Richie’s chest was getting tighter, it was getting hard to breath again. He wished he could go back to Connor’s car and distract himself on the patches to calm down. Eddie didn't reply which did not make Richie’s nervous chill out. A breeze rolls through, sending chills down Richie’s spine. Now or never. “Okay.” Eddie shifted to look at Richie. His face seemed blank but there was a glint in his eyes that Richie didn't know how to take. He turned away to speak. “I used to like Bill.. and Stan and…” Richie glanced at Eddie, his face still blank but his eyes got wider and he was biting his bottom lip. Richie looked away again. “You know, there is a constellation, the story goes that he fucked his own mom. Why would they make him a constellation? Clearly, they didn't know I fucked your mom which is-”

Eddie rolled his eyes and stood up. “Can you take anything seriously? I’m sick of your shit, Rich.” Eddie headed for the basement door, Richie stood to follow. 

“Eds! Come on, this… I’m sorry alright? It was you.” Eddie stopped in his tracks but didn't turn away from the door. Richie let out a breath. “Bill, Stan and you, okay? Fuck.” Richie fumbled for another cigarette. “This is just-” he lights it. “-So new to me. They were just childhood crushes, they don't mean anything, right? Like, you had that crush on Betty Ripson in seventh grade. Do you like her now?”

Eddie faces Richie now, “I didn't like Betty Ripson… Everyone else had these crushes I needed to say someone so people would stop asking me.”

“Oh, okay.” Richie nodded and blew out smoke. “I guess I understand. I was always embarrassing myself, bringing in playboy to school to really sell liking girls I guess.” Richie chuckled. “We were pretty shitty kids, huh? Like, so dumb.” 

“So, Bill, Stan and me? Like at the same time or..?” 

Richie pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was Eddie asking him these questions, Richie hasn't even had time to process them on his own time and now Eddie is just talking about them like this was normal. Like it was normal having small crushes on your best friends that could never love you back the same way. “Eddie, I haven't put much thought into these ‘crushes’ in years. I really don’t know. I guess not at the same time? I think Bill was first, I mean, we all kinda loved him right? We were always following his lead, like, come on.” 

Eddie nodded and started walking back over to Richie so they weren't talking too loud in the yard. “And Stan?”

Richie could feel his heart beating faster. He knew where this was headed and he wasn't sure he wanted to get there. “Uh, what about him?”    
  
“What do-did-you like about him?”   
  
“Eddie-”

Eddie huffed and sat down at Richie's feet, facing away from the house. “It’s just Stan. How does he get everyone? I get Bill, youre right, we did whatever he asked, thats kinda crazy to think about it. But Stan?”

Richie tried to calm his heart. Eddie just seemed curious. Richie sat next to Eddie. “I don’t really know. He was just.. Himself no matter what I guess? And when he started baseball he-” Richie shook his head and took a hit of his cigarette. “No, sorry, this is too weird.”    
  
Eddie’s eyes opened in shock. “No! Stan started baseball in sophomore year, you said this was a crush when you were twelve.” 

Richie’s face went red. “I don’t want to do anything with Stan. I think I just need to get that out of the way.”

“But you’d do things with Bill?” Eddie ripped the grass out of the ground and watched it fall out of his hands.

“What? I didn’t say that!” Eddie was going to give him a heart attack.

“What about me?”

Richie didn't answer right away. He already slipped up and said he thought Stan was cute in sophomore year. What was he supposed to tell Eddie? “This isn't fair, I wouldn't tell Bill and Stan what I said about them.”    
  


Eddie sighed. “Fine. Come on,” Eddie stood back up. “It’s getting late and I have to walk home in the morning.” 

The two head inside and get ready for bed. Richie finished the other two glasses of water and peed outside before he got under the blanket on the floor. Richie didn’t feel all that tired since he napped during the diner meet up. He listened to Eddie’s light snore from the couch and stayed in his thoughts. Mostly thinking about the kiss he had with Connor and how he wished he could do it sober. Having those feelings all over his body again made him tingle in the right places. He felt like a girl in a romcom Bev would make them watch, all giddy over the guy she liked. Richie saw Eddie stir in his sleep and closed his eyes, not wanting Eddie to know that he hasn't slept yet. 

“Richie?” Eddie whispered. 

Richie faked waking up a little. “Yeah?” 

“What did you and Connor do tonight?” 

Richie’s heart fluttered but he wasn't sure if it was because of what happened or at the thought of telling Eddie. “Geez, what, are you writing a book about me? Asking me all these personal questions and shit.” 

Eddie rolled over. “I was just asking. Trying to be a good friend. No need to be a dick about it.” 

Richie cursed at himself. He wanted to talk to someone about the kiss and how Connor helped calm Richie down but he also just wanted to be his thing for a minute. Eddie was right the other day at the arcade, talking about not wanting to tell the group something so it could be yours a little longer. Richie just wanted to replay the kiss over and over in his mind. 

“Richie?” Eddie propped himself on his elbows, checking to see if Richie went back to sleep.

“We kissed.” Richie said almost breathlessly. After he said that it all just came out. “Like full blown made out. It was different than kissing girls, like, better?”   
  
“Well it makes sense,” Eddie said in a lower octave. “You are gay.”

Richie stopped breathing. ‘Gay’ was the only word in his mind. He felt it floating around him and blocking his vision. “I..” Richie started but had nothing to say. Was he gay? Was that what Eddie thought of him? “..Gay?” Richie’s breath came back faster. 

“Richie?”

Richie sat up, suddenly feeling very warm even though he only had on a shirt and boxers under the thin blanket. “I’m not gay.” Growing up, Richie would have gay slurs thrown at him all the time. He didn't want the bullies to be right this whole time. He didn't want to be the bad thing people thought he was. 

Eddie sat up fully on the couch and scrunched his in confusion. “You just told me you had three crushes on guys.”

Richie dug his fingernails into his thighs, trying to distract himself and get his breathing under control but it didn't help. Nothing was helping. Gay. “That doesn’t mean anything, I was just a kid.” 

Eddie started off slow. “Richie…” He stood up and sat beside Richie, who winced away from him. “You just told me you liked making out with Connor.” 

Richie bolted up at the words. Gay. He couldn't take this. “Stop.” Gay? He found his jeans and started putting them on. “Stop calling me that!”

Eddie watched him do this. “Don't leave, Richie.” He didn't make any effort to keep Richie there. Eddie had a pleading voice and if Richie looked close enough, he could tell Eddie had tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry-Richie, please don't leave.” 

Without looking back, Richie walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! thank you all for the lovely comments as always they really brighten my day!  
> i hope you liked this chapter  
> until next time <3  
> 


	11. Chapter 11

It’s been three weeks since the night at Bill’s house. Richie tried staying away from the losers individually, not sure he wanted to know if Eddie told the others about him. Eddie must have had the same idea because he stopped bringing Richie lunch at work. Richie wanted to confide in Connor about what happened between him and Eddie but he didn't know how Connor would feel that his name was brought up several times during it. He almost told one of the other losers, but he stopped himself. He was afraid they would call him the same thing Eddie had called him so casually. Richie knew this word was not inherently bad but he didn't like the context that came with it. He wanted to forget that it happened and live in an ignorant bliss world where he didn't have to talk about uncomfortable things and just hang out with his friends like nothing ever happened. 

Over the past two weeks, Connor and Richie’s relationship grew, they made it a habit to hang out after Richie is done at work up until the time he had to go to the diner. Every night was the same routine, Connor would come into the arcade and the two would play Street Fighter together until closing. Once they would get in the rust bucket, they're hands were in the others like magnets. The two would drive around listening to the radio, belting out lyrics, talking about nothing in particular. About an hour in Connor would pull off into an empty parking lot, holding hands and smoking cigarettes. They’d sit there, enjoying each others company until one of them had enough and would jump the other. They never really spoke much of what was going on between them, they both made a silent truce that neither of them wanted to talk about it. Because of these teenage endeavors, Richie would show up late to the diner a lot. At first the group would be upset with him or make fun but as the nights went on like this, the losers stopped acknowledging it. That didn't mean they weren't curious or worried about their friend, just saving their energy for the right time.

This time was like the ones before it, Richie found himself tangled in Connor is his backseat. Connor pulls away from Richie. “Do you have to go to the diner tonight? I’m having such a nice time with you and I know this spot where we could maybe.. Take this further?” his ears were red, his eyes locked on Richie’s. They were filled with such intensity it startled Richie at first.

“Oh?” Was all Richie could muster up right now. Connor wanted to have sex with him, tonight, and judging on Connor’s face, it was urgent.

Connor pressed his face in the crook of Richie’s neck. “You always go to the diner..” he whined. “I just want to spend a night with you.” He pulled back and looked Richie in the eyes again. “Don't you want to spend a night with me?”

Richie’s heart sped up looking at him like this. Of course Richie wanted what Connor had to offer, Richie would be lying if he said he didn't. Richie would've liked to say it took more convincing to get him to ditch his friends that night, but one look at Connor’s face made Richie melt into his hands. “Yeah!” his voice went up an octave, he cleared his throat to play it cool. “Yeah, lets go, it's whatever.” 

After that night, Richie missed more nights at the diner. He would also call in sick to work, skipping days entirely, per Connor’s requests. 

If you asked Richie, he didn't care. He was a teenager in blind love, he would go anywhere just to have Connor’s touch. Richie even went on drug runs with Connor, he would sit in the car, watching carefully to make sure cops weren't around. Richie would keep himself busy by making up stories about Connor’s ‘clients’, he would tell Connor them once he would get back in the car but he didn't always find them humorous. 

On this particular day, Richie found himself sitting in Connor’s driveway waiting for the blonde to come back out of the house. Richie’s leg bounced out of anxiety, he hated being this close to Henry Bowers’s house. Usually, Connor wouldn't bring Richie here, he kept apologizing saying that Henry really needed him back at the house for ten minutes tops. So, here sits Richie Tozier, eyes not leaving the garage door that he last saw Connor walk through. The car was off, Richie could really use some tunes to get his mind off the idea that Henry would pop out any second. He ran a finger over the Street Fighter ‘K.O.’ graffiti Richie wrote on the dashboard. He was told to lay low, stay mostly hidden. What would he even say if Henry saw him? What would Connor say? Did Connor talk about Richie to Henry? Richie shook his head from the thought. If Connor was smart, he wouldn't mention Tozier to Henry. Richie recalls a time Henry and his buffoons chased him throughout Freese’s Department store just for laughing at Henry tripping. 

The garage door opened, half of Connor’s body made it out the door, his body turned as if still talking to someone inside. Richie sat up just enough to see the whole door, expecting to leave soon. The windows were up but Richie wished he could hear what was going on, Connor looked tense. Richie’s jaw tightened when he saw Connor being pushed out the door, Henry standing over him. Connor kept a cool expression while lying on the ground. Richie could hear Henry shouting something at the boy there. He so desperately wanted to get out of the car and help Connor up, but Richie didn't know how Connor would react. He balled his hands into fist but before he had time to think, Richie’s car door swung open. Belch Huggins grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the seat. “Hiya, Tozier.” His face was so close to Richie’s face, he could smell Belch’s unbrushed teeth. 

Richie shoved Belch’s hands away from him and stood up on his feet. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Richie waved a hand in front of his face, mimicking a bad smell. 

“Is this what my cousin is up to these days?” Richie glanced at Connor and he could see a welt forming around his eye. “Fucking the town fairy?” Henry called from the doorway. 

Richie froze at the words. He retreated into his mind, trying to think like Bill and get him and Connor out of here. Richie absentmindedly stepped closer to the car. There were only two of them, Connor and Richie could take them. If Richie could somehow get to Connor and help him get the courage to stand up to his cousin…

Connor sat up and winced when he went to rub his face. “You know I’m not some fruit.” Connor wouldn't look at anyone, let alone Richie. “He’s a good cover, everyone hates the guy, they stay away from me.” 

Richie tried not to take that to heart but the words were slowly sinking in. The look on Richie’s face must've been priceless because Henry and Belch broke into a laughing fit. Connor made it to his feet but stayed by the door. Richie willed Connor to look at him, but he didn't. Did everyone hate Richie? 

Fairy. 

Richie looked at Henry, feeling alone. He wished he was with his friends, they made Richie brave. If only he knew this side of town better, Richie would have started running by now. 

“Fuck out of here, Tozier.” Belch said.

Richie stood, frozen by the car. He kept his eyes on Connor, he turned his back to Richie and tried pushing past Henry to head back in the house. Henry grabbed Connor’s shoulders and forced him to face Richie. “Tell him, Connor.”

Connor huffed and turned his head. “Henry-”

Henry shaked Connor and started screaming behind him. “Tell him! ‘Fuck off, f*g!’ Tell him!” Henry was ushering Connor closer to Richie. Belch took a few steps back and was weary of his friends actions. “If you really aren't chums with this freak,” Connor was arms length from Richie now, Henry still had his death grip on his shoulders. Henry was red in the face now, smiling wildly. Connor’s face was sweating, the welt on his check a bright red still. Richie’s eyes were blurry from the silent tears. 

‘This shouldn't be happening, Connor wouldn't do this.’ Richie thought, trying to calm himself. 

Henry grabbed Connor’s face and made him look at Richie. “Kick his ass.”

Richie was breathing heavily, he couldn't stop the thick tears. He couldn't stand looking at Connor like this, seeming so helpless.

“Prove to me that you wouldn't waste your time on this trash. You aren't gay, are you, Connor? Prove it. Beat the shit out of him.” 

Connor shook his head and mustered enough strength to push Henry off of him. With the same movement, he took a step forward and punched Richie square in the jaw. Richie, clearly not prepared for it, fell to the ground. His glasses skidded somewhere, lost forever. Henry laughed and clapped, Belch joined in a beat after. 

“Next time you even think about stepping onto my property, remember this.” Henry spoke with venom and spit next to Richie. 

Richie stayed on the ground until he heard the garage door shut with the older men behind it. He felt defeated, drained, weak, freakish, alone. His head pounded and his jaw hurt when he moved it. His arms stung from scraping it on the gravel, he’ll need to clean this later. 

Eddie.

He can help Richie, he’d know what to do. But Richie and him haven't spoken one on one for over a month, would he really want to see Richie? 

“Richie..” Richie looked up, Connor was still standing next to him. His face was a mixture of confusion and helplessness. “I-”

Richie pushed himself off the ground. “Save it.” The tears kept running but his breathing was steadying. He could hardly look at Connor, feeling betrayed and foolish for having feelings for the person standing in front of him. 

Connor kept his mouth shut and watched Richie walk down the road and out of sight. 

Richie made it into two half an hour later. He could feel the stares of the people walking past him. ‘Haven't you seen a broken kid before? Keep walking.’ Richie thought as he kept his head down. He was surprised at himself for making it this far without his glasses, he wasn't excited to explain why he needed a new pair again. 

When Richie made it home, he marched right up to his room, ignoring his parents calls for him. The sobs started when he shut the door, thank god his parents respected his privacy. Richie laid there and replayed the scene in his head over and over. All the emotions coming back just as strong as they were when it was happening. All the late nights, did they mean nothing to Connor? Richie didn't even want to think of the special night they spent together. Richie hit his head. “I’m so stupid.” he cried quietly. He didn't want to believe what Connor said about him. Connor couldn't really be spending time with Richie just to keep people away. They spent most of their time hiding from everyone else, if anything Connor was keeping Richie to himself. 

Richie sat up and rubbed his face with his blanket. How could Connor turn on Richie so fast? Richie’s friends would never do that to anyone. Richie hits himself again. ‘Why did I push away from friends.’ Richie missed them so much and would give anything to have them here. But how would Richie explain this? How he and Connor had something special, or at least, Richie thought they did. Then Connor threw it away to appease Henry. And Richie was the one left outcasted by the one person he thought understood his darkest secret. 

Richie stayed in his room the rest of the day. His mother left a plate of food outside his door but he never touched it. He was in and out of sleep, forgetting to clean his scrapes or get ice for his swelling cheek. 

Richie called off of work again the next morning. He hung up on Larry when he started lecturing him about responsibility. He only got out of bed to get water when his parents were at work, feeling like utter shit. ‘It’s what a deserve for being a fucking dumbass.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, i was stuck on this chapter and i just finished the book and i needed a few days to process i hope you understand !


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yall mind if I ᵘʰʰ switch mains for a sec?

The night Richie locked himself in his room, Eddie was sitting next to Mike in the diner. He hated that his heart swelled every time he saw the door open. He sighed each time it wasnt Richie walking through it. He’s been doing this since Richie stopped showing up. Eddie was trying to be a decent friend and keep his distance from the other boy but this is getting a little ridiculous. Richie can't just abandon his friends, could he? “I can't be the only one here worried about him.”

His friends look at him, stopping their conversations, not needing an explanation as to who ‘he’ is. “Eddie, we’re upset too, but if he doesn't want to hang out with us, why bother?” Stan said. The other shifted in their seats uncomfortably. 

“That’s not really it… he doesn't want our help. He doesn't seem like he needs it.” Bev said quietly.

“What do you mean? He hasn't shown up in weeks and when he does, he's high! Or he has to leave because of that douchebag.” Eddie huffed and slinked further in his seat. He wasn't jealous, he just missed his best friend. He guessed he was happy that Richie could go out and be his true self, he just wished Richie could do it with him and the losers and not some random drug dealer he found off the streets.

Mike wrapped his arm around Eddie. “We were talking and… it's Richie. If he wants to hang out with other people and do that stuff with, why should we stop him?”

Eddie shoved Mike off of him and got out of the booth. With Richie gone, he was the dramatic one. “Because he’s too stupid to know he needs help! C’mon, you all know this isn't Richie.” He looked at his friends faces, they all looked away from him. They exchanged glances with one another, looking like their minds were already made up. “I’m going to the arcade tomorrow, if anyone wants to come with me and talk some sense into him, call me.” Eddie grabbed his jacket from the seat and headed for the door. 

“Wait, Eddie, let me drive you home.” Mike started to get up from the seat.

“I need the air.” He paused in his stride and looked back at his friends. They all had worried eyes and thinned mouths. “Thanks, anyway.” He wished his mother didn’t engrave manners into him or else he would have just walked out. Mike shook his head and linked his arm with Eddie’s.

“I’m not letting you walk home, your mom would have my head if she found out.”    
  
“She'll have my head if she knew I was here, at this time of night, with you lot. I think you'll be fine.” Mike told the others he’ll be back for them and ushered Eddie to his truck. 

“So,” Mike had the radio low and the windows down. Being around Mike was always calming, Eddie couldn't sit and stew about his friends abandoning Richie while in the comfort of the truck. “You seemed pretty heated back there, wanna talk about it?” 

Eddie sighed, he’s been doing that a lot lately, and stuck his hand out of the window. He felt the cool summer breeze through his fingers. “About you guys giving up on Richie? Not really.” He brought his hand back in once the truck picked up speed, he didn't want it getting cut off. 

“We aren't ‘giving up’ on Richie. He’s going through a phase, we just have to wait and see if he comes back to us.” 

Eddie’s heart raced a little. What did Mike mean by that? Eddie was racking his brain, Richie said that Eddie was the only one who knew about Connor and Richie being… What were they? The last time Eddie heard about them, all they did was kiss. Would Richie tell Mike about that? Eddie thought he was Richie’s best friend that he confided in.“A phase? What do you know, did Richie tell you?” Eddie didn't want to think about the last part Mike said, his head completely blocked it out.

Mike raised an eyebrow at Eddie. “What do  _ you _ mean? At first we all thought you had a fight, you two were acting so weird with each other at the diner a few weeks ago and then he stopped showing up. Did something happen between you two?” 

Eddie shifted and kept his eyes straight ahead. Thinking about that night at Bill’s was hard for him. Hearing Richie talk about his crushes on their friends wasn't as weird as people may think, but hearing Richie say what Eddie wanted him to say… thinking about it again made Eddie smile. He hid his smile, remembering Mike was with him. Of course he wanted Richie to have a crush on him, they were best friends it only made sense. And now he at least had proof someone liked him in that way. Eddie was pretty sure his first girlfriend only dated him on a dare.

Maybe Richie didn't tell anyone else about that night. And who cared if he did? Richie could tell anyone anything he wanted about himself. Eddie shouldn't be policing who gets to know Richie and who doesn't. But fuck that Bowers guy. Eddie didn't need to know him to know that Connor didn't deserve Richie’s jokes or time. “It’s not my place to say.” Mike reached his hand out and held Eddie’s hand. Other than Richie, Mike was very platonically affectionate to all the losers. Eddie held his hand and rested his head on the headrest. “I just miss him.”

Mike gave Eddie a small smile. “I know. We all do. The group isn't the same without him.” 

Mike dropped Eddie off at his home and watched as Eddie climbed the side of the house to get back to his room without waking up his mother. He wondered how Richie would do this high or drunk sometimes, Eddie had trouble doing it sober. Once he made it up, he waved at Mike as he drove off. 

He shut the window and stretched. His room was cold since he forgot to shut off his ceiling fan, he put on a hoodie and boxers to sleep. He tossed and turned, trying to think of ways his conversation with Richie would go once he saw him again. Eddie mulled over the idea of apologizing first, then yell at him for all the stupid shit he did to make Eddie -and the other losers- worry about him. ‘Richie would probably just tell me to stop worrying about him’ Eddie groaned and rolled on his back. Why was Richie so difficult, even in his head? 

Eddie stared at his ceiling, sleep evading him. He couldn't see the paper drawing or pictures his friends stuck to his ceiling above his bed, except for one. Richie snuck in his room late one night, he was upset about something but Eddie couldn't remember. He soothed Richie down and that's when Richie said he had glow in the dark nail polish. He wanted to paint it all over Eddie’s ceiling, claiming that his mother wouldn't be able to see it during the day. But Eddie didn't want to risk it, like always. So instead he gave Richie some notebook paper and told him to have at it. Richie hid it in Eddie’s nightstand and told him to look at it tomorrow night as a surprise. When It finally came time to look at it, he pulled out the paper, thinking it would be something dumb like a dick but all it said was ‘R+E’. Eddie reminisced feeling an odd sense of happiness wash over him when he saw the letters next to each other, he hung it on the ceiling immediately.

He always brushed off that feeling as relief that it wasnt some dumb drawing. But as Eddie thought about it more tonight, looking at it two years later, maybe it was something else. Eddie sat up in his bed and took his hoodie off, suddenly feeling very warm. “Am I really thinking about this  _ now _ ?” Eddie whispered to the void. He felt his heart beat get faster and looked at his inhaler on his nightstand. He closed his eyes tight and shook his head, looking back to the fading glowing letters above him. He decided he wouldn't have anymore Richie thoughts before bed, it was messing up his sleep schedule. 

He got up and went to the bathroom, feeling exposed without a shirt on, even in his own home. He got in the medicine cabinet and grabbed sleeping aids. After taking the recommended amount for someone his age, he crawled back into bed. His last thought before drifting to sleep were ‘Maybe I’ll make grilled cheese for him tomorrow.’

Tomorrow came and Eddie felt nervous. None of his friends called saying they wanted to join him on seeing Richie and that made him rethink if this was a good idea. Eddie took his shower and ate his vitamins like normal, but he still felt like something was weighing on his chest as he made grilled cheese for Richie’s lunch. Eddie was never great at cooking, he didn't understand how Richie ate half the food he gave him. Everyone else would tell Eddie that he over cooked something, but how else was Eddie supposed to know it cooked all the way through? Not Richie, Richie ate anything with a smile. Eddie smiled at the thought as he tubbed up the charred cheese sandwich. 

While walking to the arcade, Eddie held the bagged sandwiches in one hand and his useless inhaler in the other. This wasn't the first time Richie and Eddie fought, but for some reason, this one made Eddie nervous. Addressing that night was hard for Eddie to do alone, he should've kept his mouth shut. But why was Richie so afraid of the word ‘gay’? There was nothing wrong with it, it was just a label. Eddie pushed the thoughts away and rehearsed what he was going to say to Richie over and over in his head. 

With a deep breath, he pushed open the arcade door and marched up to the counter. No sign of Richie. Eddie bit his lower lip as his pent up mood deflated. Eddie walked slowly around the small room of video games but still no Richie. He walked back up to the counter and knocked on the office door. 

Larry opened it with an annoyed look on his face. “I don't give refunds.”

Eddie gave him a look right back, in no mood. “Is Richie working today?” He had worked himself up, lost sleep over this even, and Richie couldn't be bothered to show up? Sure, Eddie didn't tell Richie he was coming but still, typical Richie.

Larry looked Eddie up and down. “You friends with him?” Eddie stood there and moved his arms out from his sides in a ‘what does it look like’ fashion. Larry grunted and shook his head. “As of this morning, he doesn't work here anymore.”

“What?” He wondered how Richie was taking this, he loved this job, begged for it even and wouldn't stop talking about it once he started. 

“It’s sad, I know. I loved the kid like my own son, but he twisted my arm. He kept calling off, not showing up.” Larry shook his head, sadly. “It broke my heart but I couldn't keep him on payroll if he was acting up. Teaching youth responsibility was always my calling.”

Eddie’s mind was swimming. “Richie wouldn't show up?” Eddie tightened his grip on his inhaler again. His thoughts raced as he tried to think of the last time he saw Richie, maybe two weeks ago, maybe more? ‘Richie isn't dead, stop freaking out.’ his mind was right. He needed to find Richie as soon as possible. He started walking away from the old man as he was still talking, Eddie didn't care, Richie needed him somewhere. At least he hoped. 

The walk to Richie’s was agonizing. What if he wasn't even at his house? Eddie tried to think where Connor could be at this time of day but that didn't narrow down the search. Eddie took the long way to Richie’s to organize his thoughts. He went searching for Richie to tell him off mostly and make him join the group at the diner. But now, Eddie was just worried about Richie after hearing he stopped showing up to work. What if something bad happened and Richie’s parents didn't tell Eddie? He could be in the hospital with his head smashed opened from a car accident or had his tongue chopped off and can't talk anymore or cancer or broken ribs from falling out of a tree or OD’d on god knows what drugs Connor makes him take and-

A car horned beeped loudly and scared Eddie. He didn't realize he was spiraling in the middle of the street. Eddie held a hand up to hide his embarrassed expression and briskly walked out of the car's way. He glanced at the street sign, he made it to Richie’s street, just a few houses down. With a sigh he headed for the house. He stood on his friends porch, certain the food he made him would be inedible by now. He felt dumb standing there realizing just now that Richie might not want to see him. Or Connor might be there, what would Eddie do then? He looked out to the driveway, Richie’s parents cars weren't there and he didn't see any other cars. “You better fucking be here..” He said as he went for the doorknob. It opened, which could be a good sign, or a robber was here. “Richie?” Eddie called out, ignoring his thoughts. “It’s Eddie… Can we talk?”

He heard a door open upstairs and slow steps as his friend leaned over the railing overlooking his living room. “Eddie?” His voice was smaller than Eddie last remembered it. 

Eddie held up the brown paper bag with a small smile. “I was going to bring you lunch but your dumbass got fired.” His tone was soft and tried to be playful. Richie walked half way down his steps. Eddie could see he was missing his glasses and had a bruise forming on his cheek. He lowered the bag. “Oh, shit. What happened?” Richie wiped his cheek with the back of his hand and Eddie realized he was crying. Eddie dropped the bag where he stood, walking up the steps to hug Richie. Richie didn't hug back, he rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder and let Eddie hold him as the tears came silently rolling down.

“I’m sorry.” 

Eddie soothed him and walked Richie back to his room. Richie wasn't crying anymore but he looked like shit. The room looked like it normally did, messy. Eddie did notice two dirty dishes on the dresser and the food that he guessed was on them, now in the trash. Richie sat on his bed, Eddie stayed by the door. “What happened, Richie.” Eddie hated seeing his best friend like this. Weak and broken, he knew Richie was way more than that. Eddie needed answers to know how to start helping him be the best Richie again. 

“I don't know… I’m sorry I left Bill’s.” Richie rubbed his eyes and sprawled out on the bed. “I’m sorry I stopped talking to you. I’m sorry I’m shitty. I’m sorry I left for Connor.” He gave a small sob and covered his face in his hands. 

Eddie couldn't take it, he crawled into bed next to Richie and wrapped his arms around him. “What the hell? Shh, stop. Listen, I’m sorry I shouldn't have called you that. I’m sorry I stopped showing up at the arcade.” ‘I shouldn't have let you go.’ Eddie thought, but kept it to himself. 

There was a short moment where the boys stayed like this, holding each other as Richie cried. Both of their thoughts running too fast to land on one to say. Richie tightened his grip on Eddie’s shirt and gave a shaky sigh. “Henry made Connor hit me.”

Eddie’s body tensed. “Your cheek?” 

Richie’s face nodded on Eddie’s chest. He spoke quickly so he wouldn't start crying again. “You can't be mad at him. You can't be mad at Connor, it was Henry’s fault. We should've known though, should've known Henry would find out somehow. Everyone knows too much in this  _ fucking _ town. I can't wait to get out of here. Fuck this town, fuck my family, fuck Larry for firing me. Fuck me for being a dick to you. God, Eddie I’m so sorry.”

Eddie couldn't keep up with Richie, and everyone thought Eddie talked fast? Eddie pulled away from Richie and sat up on the bed. “Can't be mad at Connor? Friends that do… those things together don't act like that. Fuck, we don't do that stuff and I would  _ never _ -”

Richie rolled his eyes and squinted at Eddie, mostly because he couldn't see well without his glasses. “You weren't there, Eddie. Trust me… he had no other choice.”

“Sounds like you already forgave him. How long ago did this happen?”

Richie bit his fingernails but stopped once he saw the disgusted face Eddie was giving him. “Yesterday morning. And I haven't seen him since. I just can't think of another reason why he would actually do that.”

Eddie breathed in and out slowly, steadying his rising anger. “Richie. If he really cared about you, Connor would not have hit you. And I know you know that.” His eyes didn't leave Richie’s face. 

Richie had a distant look in his eyes, he slowly nodded his head. “I don't want to think that.” His voice was small again.

Eddie took Richie’s hand in his. “I’m sorry. I don't know how close you two were, I’m sure you shared personal shit and shared dreams but-”

Richie looked at Eddie with a thoughtful face. “We didn't. Huh. I don't think Connor and I did a whole lot of getting to know each other.” Richie gave Eddie a sly smile, trying to be funny when he says, “Not like that anyway, body wise, sure but-”

Eddie’s eyes went wide and his chest hurt. He looked away from Richie while a little blush went on his face. He heard about Richie losing his virginity to his ex girlfriend but something about thinking of Richie with another guy filled Eddie with an odd feeling. “I know you are sad and going through shit but, beep beep, Richie.” 

Richie gave a small chuckle. “Sorry, just trying to make this a little less pitiful. I missed you, Eds.” He ruffled Eddie’s hair.

Eddie playful pushed Richie’s hand away from him and smiled. He stood up to look at Richie’s mirror to fix his hair. “I missed you too, asshole.” Eddie looked at the food in the trash again. “You haven't been eating?”

Richie looked at the trashcan. “I’ll eat if you make me something.”

Eddie couldn't help his smile spread on his face. The two of them head down the steps, Eddie grabbed the bag he left on the ground and threw it away once they were in the kitchen. Eddie and Richie looked around in cabinets and decided it would be safe to make boxed mac n cheese. They made food in silence, enjoying each other's company again. Both of them were happy to be with the other that they couldn't stop purposely bumping into each other. Richie turned the radio on and started dancing around the kitchen. Eddie laughed at him while pouring the macaroni in the pot. Richie got into it, playing the air guitar. Eddie joined him and they had an air guitar battle. They fell back into their normal routine, Eddie was just happy Richie wasn't crying anymore.

They sat in front of the TV and ate. “When are you getting new glasses?”

“My mom is out getting them now. She needed to run more errands today, she shouldn't be back until dinner.”

“Can't believe that guy.” Eddie put his bowl down on his lap. Richie scoffed. “I know, ‘I can't be mad.’ but really Richie? You aren't going to talk to him again, are you? For starters, he lives with Henry, if Connor would punch you once for him, why wouldn't he do it again?” 

Richie put his bowl down, empty. He chewed on his lip as his eyes started to sting with tears again. Richie was getting tired of crying. “Because… what if he’s the only one that wants me?” 

Eddie’s chest got tight for the millionth time today. “Richie that's not true. I-Your friends want you, your family. People like you Richie, stop beating yourself up about it. You’ll just keep pushing people away until you're alone.”

“No, Eds. That’s not what I mean. What if Connor is the only other person like me? That likes guys, ya know? I don't think I can let him go. Now that I know this part of me and he knows it too. I don't think I can just… let him leave me. I have a whole year of school ahead of me, I’m just supposed to go through it alone?” 

Eddie turned his head to face the TV, not actually paying attention to what’s on. Eddie tried to put himself in Richie’s shoes. Finding out you like the same gender as you is scary, well Eddie imagined it would be scary, Richie felt alone in that aspect and if what Richie said was true, they shared an intimate night together. Eddie tried not to gag thinking about it. They were basically dating and Richie doesn't want to get dumped because he felt like he would never get the chance to date someone again. But still, ever since Connor came into their lives, it went south. 

With a sigh Eddie faced Richie again. “I don't want you to be upset, but Connor is not good for you. Ever since you've been together you've been getting high in public, you can get into some serious shit Richie. Not to mention he'd make you leave the diner after being there for only ten minutes. And he asked you to ditch your friends for him, why wouldn't he want to hang out with us? Or at least me, you know I wouldn't say anything. He just doesn't sit well with me.” Richie didn't move from his zoned out space. “Oh, and you got fired from your dream job. And got punched in the face by someone who is supposed to like you like no one else.” Eddie had to stop talking before he said something he’d regret or make Richie pissed at him again. He would've gone on to say how Eddie wouldn't treat him like this, why couldn't Richie just be okay with Eddie? “I just want you to be happy, Richie.”   
  
Richie finally moved and grabbed Eddie’s food. He took a bite before speaking. “I thought he made me happy. Thinking about it now, it was only momentary happiness.” Eddie didn't stop Richie from eating his food, Eddie was just glad he's eating. “Like, I would think about him all day but when we were together we just talked about… anything but ourselves. As if he didn't really want to know me. I tried asking about him but he would always deflect.”   
  
Eddie made a note to beat the shit out of Connor if he ever saw his face. How could someone be around Richie and not be enchanted by him? Richie had the biggest personality and sure it was annoying at times but Eddie still loved him for it. Eddie could probably list things Richie loved and hated, his favorite breakfast meal, why his parents don't want a dog, or the cities Richie planned to visit after senior year, just by memory. Thinking that Connor took Richie from him, wasted well over a month, and didn't even care enough to get to know him? Eddie looked at Richie right as his spoon missed his mouth and macaroni went all over his shirt, Eddie’s heart swelled. ‘Oh, fuck…’ Eddie got up and grabbed Richie some napkins but mostly got up to clear his head. 

“You're being awfully quiet, Eds. Is talking about him really that bad? You really don't like Connor?” Richie thanked Eddie and wiped his mouth with the napkins. Richie finished Eddie’s bowl and turned off the TV. 

Eddie didn't think before answering. “I fucking hate him. I really do. Hearing you talk about your time together its-its- '' Eddie couldn't think of the right word at the moment. He was too busy with his seething hatred for Connor and his confusing thoughts about his best friend that was sitting in front of him. 

“Disgusting?” Richie said above a whisper.

Eddie let out a loud groan. “ _ Fuck _ , Richie. How many times do I have to tell you? I’m okay that you like guys! More than okay! I think its really fucking cool, alright?” Richie’s eyes got wide at his friends yelling. Richie remained on the ground as Eddie paced the living room. “I just hate hearing how bad he treated you! He took you away from me for a month and didn't even learn your middle name? Does he know your favorite color? That's like bad first date questions! But guess what, I know you're middle name, Wentworth, named after your dad! Your favorite color is orange but you tell people it's blue because you think it's weird to like orange! I think it's awesome you like orange-”

“You think it's awesome I like orange?” Richie’s eyes followed Eddie as he paced.

Eddie stopped walking and looked at Richie like he asked if the sky was blue. “Of course.”

Richie stood up. The two were steps apart. “Why?” 

Eddie sputtered thinking of how to phrase it. “Because, who else do you know that likes orange? That's such a Richie thing…”

Richie laughed and pulled Eddie into a hug. They stayed like that for a minute, Eddie’s head felt dizzy, he didn't know what to do so he hugged him back. Eddie’s mind wouldn't shut off. He did know a lot about Richie, but shouldn't best friends know that stuff? Should they feel like this when their friend sees someone else? Or feel a type of way because their initials were on a piece of paper connected with a plus sign? The list could go on but Richie pulled away from him. Eddie felt his face get warm because of the thoughts, now looking at his friend. 

Richie squinted at him. “What are you looking at?” Eddie laughed. “No, really, I can't see, remember?”

Eddie ignored his feelings, he took this opportunity to jab Richie in the arm playfully. “Just a dumbass!” 

Richie reacted late, and Eddie sprinted off. “Hey!” Richie took off after him, bumping into walls and furniture, following Eddie’s laughter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ＼(▽￣＼(￣▽￣)／￣▽)／  
> thank you all for reading and commenting, seeing people like my dumb story makes me happy and keeps me wanting to write ily all


	13. Chapter 13

Richie was hesitant on going into Bill’s house but Eddie assured him nothing bad would happen. “Inside that house, are our best friends. They want to celebrate you coming back after you ditched us for a month before senior year. We want nothing but happiness for you, now get your ass in that basement so we can get drunk and shit on the world.” 

Bill’s parents' wedding anniversary was this weekend, so they left Bill in charge of the house and gave him $100 to stay out of their hair. They used the money to get alcohol from one of Bev’s work friends. Since Richie was stalling outside, the others started drinking without them. Mike handed each of them a mixed drink when they first walked in, everyone else was on their second. “Catch up!” Mike said and smiled at them. Richie finished his, it was strong and super gross, it was gone within minutes. Eddie was still drinking his, afraid of getting too drunk in case something goes wrong. 

Eddie hasn’t left Richie’s side since they got there, Richie was grateful. Actually, now that Richie thought about it, Eddie hasn’t left his side since the night he came over to Richie’s house. Eddie would lie and say he was spending the night at Bill’s all week, telling his mother that Bill’s parents were gone all week instead of just the weekend. Little did she know, he would be staying by Richie’s side and at the diner with his friends. Eddie helped Richie come to terms with the label gay. Richie said it to himself a few times a day in front of the mirror, more and more he felt comfortable with it. Before leaving Richie’s house to meet everyone at Bill’s, Richie told Eddie that he was gay for the first time confidently. 

Ben held his cup up, his cheeks red from the alcohol. “To Richie!” Everyone held their cups up and said their praise for their friend being with them. Richie stood up and bowed, his nervous feeling fleeting thanks to his friends being the greatest. 

Bev hugged Richie from behind, she smelled like her favorite perfume. “I missed you, dummy. I had to smoke cigarettes by myself for a month.”

Richie smiled and turned to face her. Richie really did miss Bev, she was so smart in many ways and had the cutest nose, he understood why all the guys wanted her. “I missed you, too, Big Red.” He gave her a proper hug.

She pulled away from him, her face lit up. “I have the best idea!” She addressed the whole group. “Lets go around and say either a truth or a lie, then everyone has to guess which one it is! If you get it wrong, you drink. Sounds fun, right?” The boys happily agreed, they would never pass up a drinking game. Bev sat on the other side of Richie and the others filled in the circle. “Okay I’ll start! Um…” she pursed her lips in thought. “I painted my toes.” She covers her smile with her hand, almost spilling her drink. 

“Oh come on, can't it be more juicy?” Stan rolled his eyes, he held himself up by his arm but he didn't look very sturdy. “I’m on my third drink and it's only 10pm.” 

“What! What do you want me to say?” Bev scrunched her nose at Stan. Richie giggled at his friends being overly animated by the alcohol already. He stood and got himself another drink. 

Stan smiled, his eyes locked on Bev. “Say you have a boyfriend.” 

All eyes went on Bill. He didn't seem phased, he chugged the rest of his cup. Richie looked back at Bev, her eyes never leaving Stan’s. “Fine. I have a boyfriend.” She leaned away, eyes looking around the room. “Now, discuss.” 

Richie whistled on his way back to his seat. He could feel the tension in the room. He’s been gone for a month, he was so out of the loop on the drama that was Bev and Bill. He wanted to ask Eddie about it all week, he was just caught up in being around Eddie, he forgot. “Well, someone has to fill me in.”   


  
“I think it’s true. You two,” Mike waved between Bill and Bev. “Have been acting almost as weird as Eddie when Richie was gone.”   


  
“Mike!” Eddie squealed and threw a pillow at Mike. Bev and Stan laughed.

“I think Mike is right, I think little Bevvy has a boyfriend and his name is Big Bill.” Stan waved his cup in the air. 

Richie glanced at Ben who has been quiet this whole time. He could tell Ben just wanted this to be over with so Richie spoke up. “Okay, Bev. Is it true? You going steady with someone?” 

Bev smiled wide. “Drink up, boys! This lady is single.” She burst out in a laugh as Stan, Eddie and Mike erupt in confusion. 

“You  _ have _ to tell me what happened there.” Richie said and Stan agreed. 

“But I thought-?” Eddie started but got interrupted by Bill. 

“I’ll go next.” Bill shakily got up to get another drink. With his back to the group he said, “I had sex with Greta Bowie.” The group groans, Bev fakes a gag. 

“I don't want to believe it, Bill.” Mike puts a hand over his face. 

Richie laughed. “Please tell me you lost it to that monster, I need every detail.” 

“Gross, Richie, why would you want that.” Eddie sneered at him. “I don't think so.” 

After Ben, Bev and Stan said it must be a lie, Bill sat back down in the circle. “It’s a lie. I had to turn my back and get a drink so you guys couldn't see the disgust on my face.” Everyone laughed and Richie took a sip of his drink. 

“I must admit, I’m disappointed.” Richie said. “Someone has to take one for the team and do it with her.” 

“You have sex with her then, Richie. You're the only one on the planet that wants to know what it’s like in the sack with that bitch.” Bev shot Bill a glare. “Sorry, not bitch. We don't call women bitches.” 

Richie shifted uncomfortably. He didn't know what to say to that. Obviously, Bill doesn't know that Richie would never get in bed with Greta for several reasons but having Bill say that still made Richie feel weird. 

“I can call her a bitch, she was my bully.” Bev took a gulp from her cup. “Who is next?” 

“I’ll go.” Mike stood up and turned on the radio. He started looking through the CDs and vinyls Bill had collected over the years. “Uh, I don’t know… I made out with a girl under the bleachers last year during 5th period.” 

Everyone started mulling over what Mike had for 5th period. “I think I had fifth with you but I don't remember if you weren't there one day…” Stan said. 

“No! You had fifth with me, it was trig and you skipped almost every test day!” Bill said laughing. 

Ben scoffed. “Mike would never miss a test are you kidding?” 

Bill rubbed his chin, like he had a beard. “Oh, right, that must've been Richie.” 

“I think that’s true, we would do anything to get a girls' attention last year.” Ben said while looking inside his cup. 

Bev started laughing. “Remember when Eddie got dumped during a presentation!” The room was filled with laughter. 

Eddie crossed his arms and pouted. “Fuck you guys! I’m so glad my trauma is laughable to you! No, really, please laugh at me!”

Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie and pulled him close. “Oh, come on, Eds. You should’ve seen your face when it happened!” Eddie pushed him away but scooted closer to Richie at the same time. Richie ignored the feeling that rose inside him. He knew it was only happening because when Connor would sit closer to Richie, something was about to go down. But this was Eddie, he couldn't be thinking like this. Maybe Richie should cool it with the alcohol. 

“Mikey, is it true?” Stan called over the laughter. 

Mike shook his head yes. “Her name was Susan, she slipped me a note in fourth period to meet her there. I was so worried she wouldn't show up.”

“Why didn't you tell us?” Richie said. His arm floated up and rested comfortably around Eddie’s shoulders again. He felt guilty for using Eddie like this but with the alcohol seeping into his bloodstream, all his feelings started to go. 

Mike shrugged. “I just wanted it to be my thing I guess? Not that I didn’t want to tell you! It’s just, I don't know. I wanted to keep it a special memory.” 

Everyone nodded their head in understanding. They may be best friends but they each had their secrets. Richie knew that better than anyone, wanting a special memory with someone. Richie tried to think of something to say when it was his turn. The easiest way to go about this was to lie about something dumb but Richie had this nagging feeling about telling the group about Connor. Would this be the best to do that? 

“I’ll go.” Ben held up his hand and everyone turned to look at him. He couldn't hide the smile on his face. “I got into Penn State.” 

Bev gasped and hugged him. “I believe it! Oh, god, Ben!” Bill started clapping and everyone joined in to hollar their congratulations. 

Ben laughed with a blush on his face. “Thanks, everyone. Okay, yes it's true.” 

“Group hug!” Mike yelled and spread his arms open wide. Everyone piled into a hug, Ben in the middle. They all sat like that for a moment. Alcohol setting in and making everyone emotional. The air shifted in the room and Bev let out a small sob. 

“I’m sorry…” She said and wiped her tears as she pulled away from the group. “I’m sorry I just love you all so much. I don’t know what I’m going to do when we are all in college.” 

“We have a whole year of school left together. Let's not ruin Richie’s party by crying.” Stan said in a strong voice but when Richie looked at him, he too was crying. 

Eddie nudged Richie. He looked solemned with his big eyes. “Do something, Rich.”

Richie was on his third drink by then, he was barely holding it together as is. “My turn.” He tore his eyes off of Eddie and looked at his half empty cup. “I had sex this summer.” Richie chugged his drink and got up to fix himself a new one. He heard sniffles and small chatter about his statement. He stood by Mike to look at the music. 

“This is Richie. He talks big game, I doubt it happened.” Bill said trying to study Richie’s body language.

“Ah, Big Bill, I was out of your sight for a month. I’m a changed man.” Richie smiled at him and turned back to the CD’s. He put on She’s So Unusual by Cyndi Lauper and pressed track two. “I only jam to real music now, too.” Girl’s Just Want To Have Fun starts playing and Richie lip sings to it. Bev jumps up from her spot and starts singing with him. Richie throws an invisible lasso around Eddie, he began to pull at it. Eddie rolled his eyes, a huge smile on his face. He started to get up and jump towards Richie, making it look like he was being pulled. At this point, everyone is up jumping and singing to the song. Eddie and Richie are tangoing off to the side while Bev and Ben give an emotional performance of the music video from memory. Stan took out his camera and started taking blurry pictures of the group having a great time. 

Richie can't help but feel butterflies rise in his stomach. Eddie’s smile and laughter made Richie’s head spin more. Eddie’s hands tighten on Richie’s as he dips the taller boy. They have been so close since the day Eddie went to Richie’s house and Richie just plays it off as Eddie being nice. Having Eddie around all week has been amazing but Richie keeps thinking of Eddie as more than a friend while they lay next to each other at night. Richie had to keep those thoughts away by reasoning that it was only because he was horny and Connor wasn’t around. The thought made Richie sick, he spins Eddie away from him and leans over to put his hands on his knees. “I need a minute, I’m going to puke.” Everyone laughs at him, thinking it’s because of the alcohol and maybe that was part of it. Richie couldn't have feelings for Eddie again. He thought he got rid of them when Connor came along, Eddie was straight for fuck sake. Richie’s breathing got heavier.

“Shit, Rich. Sit down, I’ll get you some water.” Eddie went up to the kitchen.

“Hey, just because you might puke doesn't mean your turn is over, Trashmouth.” Mike called to him. “As much as I hate to think it, I think you did have sex this summer.”

  
  
‘Fuck, why'd I have to say that. I could still lie if I wanted to..’ Richie thought to himself. Eddie came back down and handed him the glass of water. 

“You didn't have sex, you are too awkwardly tall.” Stan laughed and Bill took his cup from him. 

“I think Stan only gets water from now on.” He chugged Stan’s drink. 

Stan groaned and flopped on the couch, he put his head on Bev’s lap. “I think Richie did have sex, but I can't think of with who.” She said as she played with Stan’s curly hair.

“You all give him too much credit.” 

Richie finished his water and gave a tight smile. “Love you too, Stanny.” 

“Well? Is it true?” Ben laid on his stomach on the floor, looking up at him. 

Richie glanced at Eddie, his expression was calm but he didn't meet Richie’s eyes. “It’s true.” Stan and Bill protested, Bev, Ben and Mike demanded to know with who. Eddie stood right next to Richie. Eddie willed Richie to feel his support from the small gap between them. Richie was feeling sick all over again. He needed to power through it, he wanted the loser’s to know. He finally felt good about himself and what happened with Connor really shaped him. 

“Please, Richie! We are  _ begging _ , who would have sex with our Trashmouth? Bev whined. 

Richie sat down, Eddie followed. Richie needed to sit or else he was going to run out of the house, which seemed to be common for him here. “Oh, well, you’ll all get a really good kick out of this!” Richie laughed awkwardly and wished he had more alcohol in his cup. “It was Connor Bowers! Ha, ha!” Eddie reached for Richie’s hand. The room went silent as the others process what Richie just told them. 

“Connor?” Stan said and slowly sat up. 

Richie’s face goes red, he could feel hot tears swell in his eyes. ‘Don’t cry, Rich, I swear to god.’ “Yeah, well-actually, ya know-uh-”

“He isn’t even that good looking.” Eddie said with his face in his cup. Richie eyes widened and whipped his head to look at him. 

Stan nodded. “That’s what I was thinking.”

“Thanks for telling us, Richie.” Ben said with a warm smile on his face.

“Is that what you've been doing all month? Or should I say ‘who’.” Mike laughs at his own joke.

“Connor? I can name like, four guys better looking than him right now.” Bill shook his head.

“Oh yeah? Name em then!” Bev challenged.

Bill smiled. “Well for starters, theres me-” Bev groans and the other boys laugh. “And Bill and Bill Denbrough and did I say me?”

Richie lets the tears fall. He starts laughing while crying and he can feel his friends eyes on him. He uses the other hand that isn't holding Eddie’s to wipe his tears. “You guys aren't grossed out?”

“No, Richie, not at all!” Ben moves and rests a calming hand on his back. 

“Group hug!” Mike calls for one again, this time Richie in the middle. 

“See, I told you it would be okay.” Eddie whispered in Richie’s ear. Richie sobs more, he hears some other sobs mixed with laughter. 

“I love you, all, truly. I won't ditch you anymore.” Richie

“Oh, honey. It’s okay. Knowing why was enough explanation. Thank you for telling us. I love you.” Bev pressed a warm kiss on Richie’s cheek.

“I love you, too, idiot.” Stan ruffed up Richie’s hair.

“I love you, but I’m hotter than Connor Bowers. I can’t get over-” Bill was cut off.

“Love you, Richie. You’ve always been there for us, we want to be here for you too.” Mike gave Richie a kiss on the head. 

While everyone was talking over one another, Eddie whispered to Richie. “I love you, too.” Richie smiled into Eddie’s neck, with everyone surrounding him it was easy to process that as Eddie loved him like the rest of his friends do. Nothing more, nothing less. 

They pull away one by one and sit back in their spots in the circle. “Okay but, can we ask some questions?” Bill asked Richie. “You don't have to answer them if you don't want to!”

Richie cleaned his face on his shirt and smiled. He was sure of himself now that everyone knew and still accepted him for it. “Yeah, okay, shoot.” 

“How did it all start? Ya know, with Connor?” Bev asked. 

Richie clicked his tongue in thought. “I guess it was back when Henry used the arcade bathroom to shoot up. Connor was there remember, he beat my high score? But I like to think he liked me before because he already knew stuff about me,” Richie’s face got warm. “Sounds dumb I know but…” He trailed off. 

“Do you still like him?” Ben asked.

Richie blushed and stumbled over his words. “Oh, fuck, man. I-”

“Okay but like, what lead up to the sex? How did that all go down?” Bill talked over both of them. 

Richie chuckled. “Ah, so you must still be a virgin,” He didn't know how to answer Ben’s question without going into Connor and his history. “There is no shame, Bill! Let me tell you about the birds and the bees-” Bill threw his empty cup at him and they all laughed. “Okay, okay! We just… started hanging out. We would get high first, I think it would calm both our nerves. I mean, I didn't know I was for sure gay before this, it was scary. But yeah it started like any other relationship would start.”

“So you’re gay?” Stan asked. 

Richie smiled to himself. “Yeah, yeah, I’m gay. So you can’t be mean to me or else it’s a hate crime.” the room laughed and Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand.   
  
“You said relationship! So are you two..?” Ben said with a smile.

Richie’s body tensed a little. “Oh-I shouldn't have used that word-”

“Aw, little Richie has a crush!” Mike laughed. 

“Come on Richie, tell us more about Connor.” Bev leaned closer to Richie. 

The gang gushed over Connor even though they just shit on his appearance to make fun of Richie. Richie loved all the positive attention he was getting from his friends about being gay. Richie couldn't stop smiling, he would answer the questions as best he could but beat around the part at Henry’s house. He threw in some perverted jokes and watched as his friends laughed. He felt good and comfortable with himself for the first time in a long time. Richie looked at Eddie, he realised he hasn't said anything since Connor came up. He was slouched against the couch and just finished his third drink. Eddie wasn't looking at anyone and had distanced himself from Richie at one point but Richie couldn't remember when. Eddie looked up at Richie with a scowl on his face. Richie looked back with a questioning one.    
  
“Connor punched him.” Eddie blurted out. The room went silent. 

Richie’s jaw dropped. “Dude, what the fuck?” 

Eddie threw up his hands in annoyance, the alcohol getting to him. “You were telling them all this great stuff! Connor isn’t great! He’s a drug dealer that punched you in the face.” 

Bev’s face fell. “Richie…”

“Shut up, Eddie. Like I told you before, he didn’t really have a choice. Henry made him do it! You don't know Connor!”

“You sound like such a fucking moron right now.” Eddie crossed his arms over his chest. 

Richie stood up. “I’m not fighting with you about this again. Stop bringing it up! I should have never told you in the first place.” 

“So, has anyone tried the chicken?” Ben said as the room fell silent again.

Everyone seemed to be deep in their own thoughts. Richie was the only one standing and it made him feel alienated, he walked over to where Stan sat on the other end of the circle and sat with him. “Before anyone asks, no, I don't want to talk about it right now.” 

“We’re here when you want to talk, Richie. Everything takes time.” Ben smiled at him and Richie nodded. He was not in the mood to talk anymore. The alcohol finally took its toll and made him tired and head spin. He could tell his friends were feeling the same way, they all stayed in their heads as the music played softly throughout the room. Everyone started changing into their PJs and setting up blankets and pillows on the floor. Bev got the sofa, she picked the winning straw earlier. Richie set up his sleeping bag away from Eddie’s that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not relevant to my story but does anyone read turtle creek on twitter? its my fav reddie au right now please do yourself a favor and read it because that update tonight was *chef kiss* im geeking


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for this chapter: abusive markings/mentioned abuse

The next morning everyone woke up with headaches. Bev and Mike raided Bill’s fridge. They handed Ben a whole carton of eggs to scramble while they started frying bacon. Bill was on toast duty, that left Eddie to get the drinks and aspirin while Richie set the table. Conversation was held in grunts and head shaking, they all drank too much the night before to be functioning right now. Richie didn't mind, he didn't feel like talking for several reasons, the biggest being the migraine and second to that was his fury with Eddie. Richie was hurt he would blurt out personal information about Richie like that. He wondered if Eddie would have told Stan and Bill about his small crushes on them too. He took a glance at Eddie, he was sitting with his head in his hand pushing around his food with his fork. Richie didn't want to have this negative feeling toward Eddie, especially since just last night he wanted nothing more but to have Eddie’s touch. He couldn't deny that his heart soared when Eddie dipped him while dancing, higher than when he was with Connor. 

Bill groaned and stretched in his seat and pulled Richie away from his thoughts. “Well, I f-feel like shit. I’m going back to bed, yo-u-u don’t have to leave but keep it down.” He got up and put his dishes in the sink. 

Mike finished his glass of milk. “I need to get home, anyone want a ride?” Everyone minus Richie asked for a ride.

“I’m good, I need to walk off this headache.” He turned to Bev. “Would thyn Highness bestow thy cigarettes?” He knelt in front of her and bowed his head. “Please, my family is starving.”

  
She giggled and rolled her eyes. “If thou must.” She stuck a piece of bacon in her mouth and went to fetch her pack from the basement. 

Eddie signed loudly while everyone was putting their dishes away. “You can't ‘walk off a headache’ you know that, right? And are you really going to smoke this early in the morning? That shit is going to kill you one of these days.” 

Richie didn’t reply, he just smiled and followed Bev down to the basement. He was in no mood to talk to Eddie, but he was happy that Eddie would talk to him. He met Bev at the bottom of the steps as she was about to go back up. 

“You don't even like smoking in broad daylight. Why am I giving you these?” Bev looked Richie up and down.    
  
He shrugged his shoulders.

She scrunched her face up. “So you  _ are _ just doing this because-”

“Because I want to piss off Eddie, yes.” Richie smiled wide and snatched the cigarettes out of her hand. 

Bev shook her head. “I don't get you two. Just talk it out and get over it. He was kind of lost when you were gone for a month. I know he must feel bad for saying that shit last night. Give him a chance, okay? It’s not like you  _ didn't _ ditch us for-”

  
  
Richie pushed past her. “I told you, I’m not talking about it.” He put the shirt he had on last night back on and changed out of Bill’s sweatpants to put his shorts back on. 

Bev held up her hands in defense. “Okay, but one day you have to talk about it. One day, to get past all of this, you'll have to talk about it. I’m here for you, we are all here for you. Your story isn't far from shit I went through, just remember that.” 

Richie watched as she went back up to the kitchen. She was right. Beverly dealt with an abusive father before moving in with her aunt and here Richie was, trying to belittle getting hit from someone he likes. But it was different, Connor was forced to do it. Why didn’t people see that? Why wouldn't people just listen to what Richie was saying. He sighed and put his shoes on. He really needed some air and nicotine. He glanced around the room, the losers left all the drinks out from last night on the card table. There was a small flat bottle filled half way up with the sticky liquid that could fit perfectly in Richie’s shorts pocket. ‘There are so many half drunk bottles that no one would notice if this one went missing.’ He pocketed the bottle and headed back up the stairs. 

He stopped half way up the steps, in front of the door that lead to the garage. “I’m gonna head out!” He called up to the kitchen. One by one, the losers popped their head in the doorway of the kitchen to say their goodbyes. 

“Are you coming to the diner tonight?” Eddie asked when his head appeared in the door.

Richie pulled out one of the cigarettes and a lighter before answering. “Maybe, depends how long my appointment with your mom takes.” He smiled as Eddie’s face scrunched up in disgust and rolled his eyes. Before Eddie could give Richie a lecture he gave a short wave and left. 

Richie pocketed the lighter and cigarette once he hit the sidewalk. Bev was right, Richie didn't like smoking in daylight in case someone who knew his parents saw him, or worse, his parents. Being the son of the town dentist wasn’t an easy job, it seemed like all the adults knew who Richard Tozier was thanks to his dad and his mothers involvement with the church. 

The sun was shining and it was hot on the walk home. Richie would keep his head down when walking passed people, he was smiling to himself like an idiot at his thoughts and he didn't need any weird stares. The Loser’s accepted him for his deepest secret. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders now that his best friends knew. Richie thought about telling his parents while he fell asleep that night, but now he was sober he knew he wouldn't. He wished he was talking to Connor, he wanted to tell Connor how his friends reacted positively about them together and how they could maybe make things serious. The thought made Richie feel sick and a good lightheaded. Having Connor be the only person that liked Richie in that way made him scared that he wouldn't have anyone else, so he felt like he needed to lock it down while he could. But also, was it Connor he really wanted? Did he know Connor well enough to even talk about this to? He couldn't stop thinking of Eddie in a way he should think of Connor. Maybe he should find Connor again, talk things out about that day and where to go from there. Richie, above anything else, did not want to be alone. Richie alone with himself was dangerous. The liquor bottle felt heavy in his pocket. 

Walking past the block with the arcade on it, Richie thought about getting a new job. He needed a car if he wanted to leave this town after high school and without a job that wasn't going to happen. He could ask his parents to help him but Richie wanted to do this by himself. He would always ask his parents for money growing up just to get out of the house but now he was old enough for a job, that got him out of the house, and had money to stay out of the house even longer. He mulled over the idea of begging Larry for his old job back but he kind of fucked it up for himself when he hung up on Larry when he fired Richie. ‘Great, now what will I do for the rest of the summer. I can't show my face at the arcade ever again.’ 

Richie busted into his house, his parents were working and he was just glad to not be walking in the heat anymore. He headed straight for the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He chugged two glasses, hardly breathing while doing it. He reached into his pocket and handled the bottle of liquor. He heard the best way to get over a hangover was to drink more. He looked at the clock in the kitchen, it was only 9:46am. “If Eddie was here, he would have knocked this out of my hand already.” He smiled at the thought but uncapped the bottle anyway. He took a whiff of the rum and his stomach churned. He quickly put the cap back on. “Maybe later…” He filled his cup up with water and went to his room. 

Richie stripped to his boxers as soon as he got to his room. He had the lights turned off and the curtain drawn shut. The headache was getting better since he stepped foot inside, but all he was thinking about before sleeping was having a full cigarette. “Maybe I do have a problem.” He said to himself as he opened his window. His mind drifted to Connor again, he hoped that Connor was okay. In a weird way, he hoped Connor was thinking about him, too. Henry Bowers flashed in his mind and Richie pinched the bridge of his nose. Henry with his crooked nose and stained teeth, his face always fixed in between a snarl and the look of stupidity. He didn't want to think of Henry everytime he thought of Connor now. He wanted to think of Connor as the touches in the car and late nights sitting at traffic lights while the light changes colors.

Richie dropped hot ash on his thigh, too deep in thought to remember he was smoking out of his window. He winced and brushed it off onto the floor. He had permanent scabbing on his thigh because of this, you'd think he'd learn by now. Richie finished his cigarette with an empty head and crawled into bed for a much needed nap.

Richie’s mother woke him up when dinner was over. She told him she left food in the fridge for him and that he needed to clean his room. Before Richie even had a chance to open his eyes fully, his mother left the room. He stretched and looked at the time, 8:12pm. ‘Damn, I slept long.’ he thought as he got up from his bed to go pee. He looked around his room. He didn't understand why his mother was always nagging about his room. Sure he had clothes and trash everywhere, but at least everything had a home in the mess. 

Richie ignored his reflection when he got to the bathroom. He didn't want to know he looked just as bad as he felt, the best option was to just pretend he didn't have a body. When he walked back into his dark room, he thought he heard a noise. He froze by the door and listened intently. He could hear the TV down stairs where his parents were enjoying their evening but that was it. Richie could have sworn he heard a window tapping sound, he knew what that sounded like, he would do it to Eddie’s window more than twice a week. He shrugged it off. Richie started kicking his clothes into piles, not because his mother told him to clean up but because he was suddenly so bored of being home with his parents. He cursed himself for getting fired. ‘It was fun ditching work for Connor though…’ he thought as he flopped back on the bed. 

Looking up at Eddie’s horrid Paul Bunyan drawing, Richie missed Eddie. This was the first night Eddie wasn't here since they made up. Eddie made Richie brave enough to come out to himself in this very room. If Richie closed his eyes, he could picture Eddie laying in the bed next to him, encouraging him to come out. “I’m gay.” Richie said barely above a whisper to himself. The memory replayed of Eddie’s proud smile on his face when Richie said it the first time. Richie smiled as a blush crossed his face. He rolled onto his side to face the window. He could use some air and a cigarette while thinking of Eddie like this. When he was with Connor, he could use him as an outlet and forget about Eddie that way. But now that Connor was gone for a week, the feelings for Eddie came back stronger than ever. 

Richie heard that sound again, he could have sworn he saw a shadow out his window. He sat up in his bed, alarmed. Richie stood and went to his window without pulling his blinds up, he listened to the sound again. “What the fuck…” Someone was throwing rocks at Richie’s window. He had to lift the screen to stick his head out of the window just to see the culprit. 

Richie hardly recognized the person with the oversized hoodie he was wearing. It wasn't until he put the hood down that Richie saw the gorgeous curls. His stomach did a flip and he realized. “Connor?” Richie couldn't make out any real details from where he was but he could tell the way Connor held himself was different, more sad. 

Connor gave him a wave and ran his hand through his hair. “Wanna go for a ride?” 

Richie realized he was practically naked in front of his window. His mind went somewhere dirty. He pushed that away, clearly this was serious but Richie was a little too excited to see Connor. His voice went up when he said, “I’ll be down.” 

Richie quickly dressed, he put on the same outfit he had on earlier. He ran down the steps and breezed past his parents. He had his hand on the doorknob when his father called for him.

“Richie? Leaving so soon?”

Richie dropped his hand from the door and shuffled back to the living room. “Uh, yeah.” He still had a small headache and he was too excited to stand here and entertain his parents.

  
“Don't you want to eat? I can heat up your plate?” His mother stood from the couch.

“No, mom, don't worry about it! I’m going to the diner tonight.” His mother looked sad, but sat back down. “I can eat it tomorrow! Just save it for then okay?” She gave him a small smile and went back to watching her show. 

“Looking a bit rough there, son.” He peered over the newspaper at Richie. “What were you and your friends up to last night?”

Richie tried to play it cool. “We just went over to Bill’s place.” 

“I heard the Denbrough's went away this weekend.” His dad looked at him questioningly.

“Oh good for them.” His mother said in a tone that showed she wasn't really paying attention to what her husband was getting at. 

His father continued. “Didn’t you feel good when you got home? Slept an awful lot.”

Richie stood there and shuffled his feet. “Well, Ben got the new deck of Uno and wow,” He used his hands to fake blow up his head. “It got crazy, we stayed up too late playing. You know how card games get.” He smiled at his father even though his expression never changed. His father stared back. Richie didn't remember signing up for a staring contest so he broke eye contact after a minute. “So…. I’m gonna head out, bye!” He kept walking and didn't stop until he found Connor still standing at the side of the house. 

“Hey.” Connor said and walked up to Richie. 

“Hey, where is your car? It’s not in front of the house-” Richie stopped talking, his heart sank. With Connor closer now, he could see marks on his face. Bruises on both eyes and cuts swelled up under them. Richie’s mouth hung open as his eyes examined the rest of Connor’s exposed body parts. He couldn’t see his neck well, but from what he saw, there was more bruising and his legs had scrapes and burns all over them. Richie stumbled over words until he landed on, “Fuck.” 

Connor, self conscious, put his hood back over his head. “Let’s go.” Connor walked past him and Richie followed. Anger flooded Richie’s body as Connor led him down a block to where the parked car was. 

“It was Henry, wasn’t it?” Richie said as they both got in the car. Why did this reunion have to be ruined by this tragedy. Why did Henry Bowers get to ruin everything. 

Connor’s hands tightened around the steering wheel before he turned the car on. The A/C kicked on and it was loud. Richie missed this sound oddly enough. He glanced at the dashboard, his graffiti was still there. “I don’t know what to do.” is all Connor sad before tears fell.

Richie turned in his seat and placed a hand on Connor’s arm. While Richie would shower over the last week, he would think of ways Connor would come back to him. He would think of Connor coming to check if Richie was okay after the punch or coming back and suggesting to kick Henry’s ass together. He never thought it would be because Connor got the ever loving shit kicked out of him by his cousin during the week Richie was gone. Richie didn't have time to feel happy that they were together again like he wanted. His thoughts were consumed by breaking Henry’s bones and kicking his teeth in. Connor cried harder and Richie tried his best to hold him from his spot in the car. 

“His dad got worse.” He said in between sobs. “He took it out on me.” He straightened up, Richie let go of him to give him space. “I don't know why he even cares about that fucker. He would beat Henry just as bad as this.” Connor gestured to his markings. He stared vacantly out the front window. “He hated I was with you.” There was a pause before Connor smacked the rim of the steering wheel. Richie tensed a bit from habit but tried not to think about it. “I couldn't take it there anymore. I needed to get out.” Connor used his sleeves to clean his face before looking at Richie. “I’m sorry I hit you.” 

“It’s fine.” And it truly was in Richie’s eyes. Connor had it way worse, just look at him. Running drugs just to keep on his abusive cousins good side. Hiding a big part of himself from everyone, not having anyone to turn to but the person he got beat for seeing in the first place. “You should press charges. He's over 18, a legal adult abusing a minor! Connor, he can't-”

“I’m a drug dealer, Richie.” Connor had a sad smile on his face. “Cops need one reason to go into my house then I’m going to jail too.” 

“We have to do something!  _ Fuck, _ why is every adult in this fucking town useless.” Richie rubbed his face under his glasses. He was tired of Henry fucking up Richie’s shit.

“I just want to be with you.” Richie glanced at Connor, he was facing the front window again. 

Richie’s heart felt light and he nodded his head. “Okay.” Hearing Connor say that confirmed that Connor felt some way about Richie. Richie was wanted by Connor, he needed Richie to comfort him. This is what people do in relationships, right? Comfort one another, yes. Richie slowly held out his hand, like old times. He felt ridiculous feeling shy about the act. Connor looked at the outstretched hand and took it in his. 

They sat in silence, just holding hands as Connor drove. Being in his car again made Richie tingle and it felt right. He tried not to think about how Eddie would feel if he found out Richie was out with Connor again, but that didn't matter now. Because Connor needed Richie this time. Looking at Connor’s face was hard to do. He had his hood down now and the bruise on his neck looked like hand marks. He imagined Henry choking out Connor while up against a wall and anger grew in him again. “I’m going to kick his ass.” 

Connor rubbed his thumb over Richie’s fingers. “I don't want to talk about it.” 

Richie squinted his eyes at Connor but stopped before he said anything. He said the same thing to Eddie and the losers when they brought up Connor punching him. Surely, Connor doesnt think what happened to him was okay? “Whatever the reason, he shouldn’t have done this to you. You know that, right?”

“Richie.” Connor warned.

“No, Connor.” He let go of Connor’s hand and turned his whole body to face him. “You didn't make his dad sick. You aren't doing anything wrong with seeing me. There is no reason for him to beat the shit out of you. I’m surpried you can even fucking see with those shiners!” 

His hands wrap tightly around the wheel again. “I’m not doing anything wrong?” 

Richie shrugged. “I mean, drugs are illegal but who cares.”

Connor shook his head, anger rising in his voice. “I’m not doing anything wrong by seeing you? Fuck, Richie. You really are dumb, huh?” 

Richie leaned away from Connor, his voice small. “What?” Richie’s thoughts were spinning. What does that mean? Why is Connor getting mad at him? 

“Henry thinks I’m  _ gay _ for seeing you in sercret. That’s why he put on that show the other day with you and that’s partly why I look like this now.”

Richie tensed up again from hearing Connor put venom on the word ‘gay’. Richie just came to terms with his own sexuality and here it was, coming out of Connor’s mouth with such hatred, he didn't know what to do. “I’m sorry.” His voice was small. 

Connor turned into the empty parking lot they would always stop at to make out in private. “Don’t be. I know we arent gay.” 

Richie fixed himself in his seat to look out the passenger window. His mind was empty and his eyes were stinging from the tears that threatened to fall. “Then what are we?” 

Connor shrugged. “Passing the time?” Connor turned on the radio. ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’ was in the middle of playing and Connor groaned. “I hate this song.” and then changed the station. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops didnt put bills stutter in the last chapter lmao thanks for not noticing ^u^  
> also i binged watched 'i am not okay with this' and yes i am obsessed with stanley barber and so should you


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had bad writers block on this chapter and im still not all that happy with it? but i hope its good enough and im sorry for making you wait!!

Connor changed the station to play some rap song before just turning off the radio. Richie’s tears fell silently, he wiped the tears quickly so Connor didn't see. Richie couldn't be mad at Connor for feeling that way about them but it still hurt. It was just yesterday that Richie learned to like this part of himself and he needed to get used to the fact that not everyone was as accepting as the losers. How was Richie supposed to tell Connor about his feelings now? 

The car went silent for ten minutes. Both of them in their own head too deep to talk or acknowledge the other. Connor slid down in his seat a bit. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one for himself. It felt like an eternity before either of them spoke. “I’m sorry for… saying we were wasting time. I don't really think that.” His voice was soft but coming out of the silence like that, it pierced Richie’s ears. 

Richie turned in his seat, his face scrunched in an annoyed look. “Then why did you say it?” His anger towards Henry was coming out towards Connor and he felt bad. But if Connor thinks he can just say something hurtful and take it back without explaining, he was wrong. Richie was not in the mood.

Connor took a long hit from the cigarette before answering. “I don't know.” He kept his eyes locked on the steering wheel. “I guess Henry…” He trailed off and shook his head. “What else would you call this?”

Richie bit his lip. He needed to be careful with his wording because he didn't know how Connor would react. “I don't know, we never talked about it.” He wanted to get inside Connor’s head before he spilled his guts. Richie was smart but wasn't amazing at mind games. 

Connor covered his face, the atmosphere in the car shifted. He let out a shaky breath. “Richie, I’m scared.” He said in a small voice. Richie put a hand tentatively on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. After the hurtful words and the punch to the face, Richie was still the one to comfort Connor. He felt bad for Connor, Henry was his in-home terrorist. He can't run away from that jerk like anyone else can, he has to go home to him. They sat in the parked car for a moment like that. Just existing together in their emotions. Finally, Connor uncovered his face and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. “Can we get in the back?”

Connor got out of the car first but Richie lingered in the front for a moment. Richie was unsure of this but Connor needed him. Normally, when they went to the back, it would be filled with thrills and fogged up car windows. But this time was different, Connor’s body was bruised head to toe and he was scared. Richie wasn't sure what Connor was afraid of just yet. Henry, his sexuality, his feelings for Richie? Richie decided to head to the back, Connor finished his cigarette while standing outside, Richie watched his body seem to relax. Richie thought it looked like he was talking to himself inside his head. When Connor was done with his smoke, he threw the butt and settled in the back. At first they stayed to their designated sides, it’s been awhile since they were back here and after the words shared moments earlier, Richie didn't know what he was supposed to do. 

Connor moved his hand, palm up, to the middle seat. Richie took it, it felt nice to hold his hand again. Connor smiled at Richie and moved closer to Richie. He Rested his head on Richie’s shoulders. “Henry said he doesn't like that I sneak around...” Connor started. His other hand wrapped around Richie’s body in a hug. His tone sounded like he was dancing around something.

Richie sure was getting whiplash from all these different emotions from him. “..Okay..” 

“I was thinking..” Connor lifted his head to look up at Richie. 

He was beautiful. Those blue eyes surrounded by purple and black, looking up at him, Richie could hardly handle it. He hurt so much, Richie just wanted to help him. Yes, after all this time, all these weird emotions and conflicts, Richie just really wanted to help Connor. 

“I was thinking you could join the gang.” 

Richie let out a small panic sound. He could've sworn his heart stopped beating. “Henry’s gang?” His voice got higher as he spoke. “Connor, I can’t-”   
  


Connor sat up but didn't let go of Richie’s hand. His face brightened as he talked. “No, listen! If you joined, we could hang out all the time, Henry wouldn't need to be suspicious of us!” 

Richie’s face was scrunched up in disgust. “Are you fucking serious?” Why would Connor want to even be around Henry again? “He beat the shit out of you, Connor! Why would you even want to still do his dirty work for him?” Plus, did Connor get a good look at Richie? He was basically a tall stick bug.

Connor looked Richie in the eyes, completely ignoring Richie’s question. “You like me, right?” Richie’s heart stopped for a second time.

His face went red and looked away from Connor. “I mean-” His eyes were wide and his heart soared. He was taken aback by the question. Wasn't Connor the one, just moments ago, saying he didn't know what to call them? And now he flat out asked Richie if he liked Connor. 

“Because I like you.” Richie glanced at Connor. His ears were bright red and he locked eyes with Richie. 

“You do?” Richie felt like he was going to be sick but in a good way. Connor was all over the place with his emotions and words. It was hard to keep up or figure out what was real. But Connor fucking Bowers said he liked Richie. To his face while holding his hand. How else was Richie supposed to take that? 

“Yes. And I know you need a job, so this would be perfect-” Connor kept inching closer to Richie again. 

Richie leaned away from him again. The excitement from the confession dimmed a little. “How do you know that?” He didn't tell Connor about losing his job last week.

Connor looked embarrassed. “Does that matter?” Before Richie could say anything back, Connor placed his hand on Richie’s face. He moved closer to Richie with a smile on his face. “Just think about it, Richie. We won't have to sneak around as much. I’ll do all the dirty work for you. We can go on deals together again, I know you liked making up stories about the clients. You'd be my hot partner in crime, keep watch for the pigs while I go do a run.” Connor had a sly seductive smile on his face. “Sounds exciting, right?” Richie’s brain almost melted. 

This is insane, Richie can not work for Henry. But he did need money for a car. And college. But Richie couldn't join the drug dealing gang that terrorized him in middle school and most of high school, could he? He didn't even really want Connor to be in it, but he did get weed all the time so that was a plus. But having weed all the time does not outweigh the fact that this was Henry Bowers crew. 

But Connor was so close to him right now. All that was clouding Richie’s mind was Connor’s confession. If he did join, he could spend the whole day with Connor and not worry about looking over his shoulder for Henry. Connor wanted Richie, Connor _ liked _ Richie. He was only suggesting this so Connor could spend more time with Richie and was that so bad? Richie thought it was actually kind of sweet. Not to mention, Connor thought it would be hot having Richie run around with him. Would it be shameful to say that Richie wanted to do anything to make Connor like him like this? Connor’s nose was brushing against Richie’s, waiting for him to say something. “Uh… let me think about it?” All he could muster was a whisper.

Connor closed the gap and kissed him. When he pulled away he said, “That's good enough for now.”

Richie didn't realize how badly he wanted that first kiss until it was over. Connor’s hand was rubbing Richie’s thigh, still rambling about joining the crew but Richie couldn't pay attention. His head was spinning. Connor Bowers admitted to liking him. Boring, loudmouth, Richard Wentworth Tozier. The kiss felt like the first kiss all over again. Richie needed Connor so he wouldn't feel so alone in this big hateful world and he got him. 

Connor started pulling something out of Richie’s pocket and brought him back to reality. “What’s this?” Connor looked at the small bottle and smiled. “Oh! Tozier brought drinks?”

Richie tried to play it off like he planned it, but truthfully he forgot he snagged the bottle from Bill’s house earlier. “Uh, yup! My friends threw a party for-um-no reason.” He didn't want to explain how his friends felt about his time away from them. The time he used to spend with Connor. “It was a great time, you should hang out with us sometime. I think you’d like them.” This was a lie, but he did want Connor to give the losers a shot. He felt that over time, all of them would be one big happy group, Eddie would learn to get over it. 

“Oh, yeah? What’d you do?” Connor took the cap off and took a whiff of the alcohol. 

Richie watched Connor rub his nose from the abrasive smell. “Actually, I-” Richie stopped himself and nervously laughed to make it seem more natural. He was about to tell Connor he was gay. Richie shook the thought of coming out to him, out of his head. “I danced like an idiot to Cyndi Lauper.”

Connor laughed, the two of them moved like magnets to rest on each other again. “I’d love to see drunk Richie dancing to Cyndi Lauper.” 

Richie loved being this close to Connor. His feelings for Eddie were still present, just dulled. He had Connor to distract him from those thoughts now. 

“So,” Connor shook the bottle in front of their faces. “Should we drink this?”

Richie smiled but his head knew that was a bad idea. “I’m still nursing my hangover…” He lied, he didn't want Connor to think he was lame but he did just make up with his friends and he didn't want to blow it after 24 hours by showing up to the diner drunk.

Connor sighed. “Fine…” He sat up and faced Richie. “How about we save this for when you,” He poked Richie on the nose. “Join my business.” He slipped the bottle back into Richie’s pocket.

Richie raised a playful eyebrow. “You're business?” 

“You think I’d let Henry near you again? No, Henry talks to me, then we,” he gestured between Richie and him. “Go on runs.” Connor kissed Richie again and settled back to cuddling. “Trust me, once you join, I won't have you anywhere near him or the real fucked up shit they do.” 

Why did Richie think that was the cutest thing Connor has said to him? This was messed up, but Connor was so invested in him joining this drug dealer business with him and Richie was considering it. Connor had good intentions, spending more time with Richie, getting Richie a new job, he promised Richie he wouldn't have to worry about Henry anymore. Richie was just a sucker with low self esteem and was desperate to not feel alone. Deep down he knew that, but he couldn't help but get swept up by Connor Bowers.

Richie looked at the clock on the dash. “Hey.. As much as I hate to say this but… I gotta go to the diner.” 

Connor squeezed Richie tighter. “That’s fine.” He let go and sat up normally. “Once I talk to Henry, I’ll have all the time in the world with you.” 

Richie wanted to make a snarky comment about how mushy that was but he bit his tongue and smiled. Truly, he was tingling all over for being next to Connor again. He got a little bold and pulled Connor in for another kiss. When they broke apart, Richie asked, “Can you drop me off?”

Connor smiled slyly. “Yeah, but it’ll cost ya.” 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Connor let go of Richie’s hand once the car pulled into the parking lot of the diner. Richie tossed his cigarette out the window and faced Connor. “When can I see you again?” God, he felt like a chick saying that. 

Connor chuckled and pointed to Richie’s neck. “You’ll at least think of me everytime you look in a mirror.” 

Richie scrunched his eyebrows together. “What…” He pulled down the sun visor to use the tiny mirror. “Oh, fuck you, Connor!” Richie tried to pull his shirt collar up to cover the marks left by him. As embarrassing as this was, Richie kind of liked it. 

Connor smiled and mumbled to himself. “A hickie from Kenickie is like a hallmark card.”

Richie busted out laughing. “Did you just quote Grease at me?” 

Connor’s ears went red again but smiled at Richie’s laughter. “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. You have no proof.” 

Richie looked out the front window at the diner. The only thing lighting up the parking lot was the light from the diner. No cars were parked around Connor’s car and they were far enough away from the diner that Richie pulled Connor close and kissed him for a last time that night. Connor immediately moved away and looked around the parking lot. Richie slinked back to his seat, he felt guilty. “Sorry… Sorry, I should've asked. But I made sure no one was around-”

Connor gave a small smile. “No! It’s okay! Just…” He motioned to his black eyes. “..paranoid. Heh.” 

Richie picked at his fingernails, he was stressing about Connor going back home. He didn't want Connor to have more cuts the next time he saw him. “Are you sure you're going to be okay going home?” Connor completely dodged Richie’s question earlier about Connor wanting to still do Henry’s dirty work. Didn't Connor say he hated Henry? 

Connor unlocked the doors for Richie. “Yeah, I’ll talk to Henry, don't worry!” 

“No, that’s not what I meant…” Richie rubbed his fingers over the cuts on Connor’s hand. “He basically tortured you this week. Just at the thought of us-” Richie stopped himself, not sure how far he wanted to take this. But he wanted answers. “Why do you want to be in the gang still? Why do you want me to join so bad even though we are doing what Henry thinks?”

Connor sucked his teeth, not looking at Richie. “My mom.” 

Richie blinked. He felt so stupid, he forgot all about Connor’s mother. She was living in that nightmare house too, taking care of her dying brother and his devil child. “Oh.” Richie has heard of shitty living situations from his friends or classmates, he was lucky he had loving parents even if they are boring most of the time. But Connor seems to take the cake on this one. “I’m sorry.” 

Connor shrugged and turned the radio back on. “Don’t sweat it, anyway. It’s been worse.” He leaned on the wheel and nudged his head to the door. “I think your friends are waiting for you.” 

Richie squeezed Connor’s thigh, hoping it would comfort him. “Well, you know which window is mine.” 

Connor took his hand back and smiled. “See ya around, Tozier.” 

Richie watched as the car pulled out onto the street before heading into the diner. Shifting between how he was with Connor to how he was with his friends was hard. Richie patted his face cheeks to hype himself up, trying to forget all that happened with Connor so he could be his best for the losers. 

“Wow! Trashmouth isn't the last one here this time? Get the news on the phone!” Bev was sitting on one of their tables with her feet on the seat. 

Richie smiled and dramatically placed his hand over his forehead. “No pictures, no pictures please!” The whole diner was watching them with annoyed faces, the workers ignored them, completely used to this loud tomfoolery by now. “I haven't got on my best clothes!”

“All your clothes look just like that, Richie. Wrinkled and slept in.” Stan was sitting in the other booth next to Eddie. Richie’s grin faltered when he saw him. Mixed up with Connor being hurt to Connor’s confession to Connor’s question, Richie forgot he was supposed to be upset with Eddie. Was it even worth it anymore? Connor was back, whether Eddie liked it or not and if Richie had any good luck left, the losers would ignore the past. 

“How’d you get here?” Ben was sitting next to where Bev’s feet were placed. “Mike tried calling your house but your parents said you weren't there.” 

Before Richie had time to process the question, Stan burst out laughing. “Did you get attacked by a vacuum?” 

Richie sat down on the other booth across from Stan and Eddie. His face went red but he sat up tall and proud. “I thought you've made it to third base plenty of times, Urine.” Richie made it a point to not look at Eddie, he could feel his death glare like a laser beam. 

Bev jumped off the table and scooted Richie's father in the seat so she could examine his neck. Ben stod at the head of the table.“Oh, fuck.” She was baffled by the markings. “Richie, you didn't-”

Mike and Bill walked over to the crowded booth. “Wh-what’s going on?” 

  
  
Mike laughed. “Richie, really?” 

With his friends crowding around him, he understood what it felt like to be claustrophobic. With Bev proading at his neck, Mike and Stan laughing at him, Ben and Bill looking disappointed and Eddie’s death glare, Richie felt like he was going to barf. 

Still glaring, Eddie said. “Back up, he’s getting green.” His tone was more annoyed than concerned.

Ben, Mike and Bill went and sat in the other booth and Bev moved to the edge of the seat to give Richie some air. “Do you want to talk about it?” She seemed worried over Richie for some reason and it was pissing him off. 

“What’s there to talk about? He went and saw Connor after everything we worked through, big dumbass energy is Richie’s specialty.” 

“Eddie, calm down…” Ben said from the other table. “Richie can do what he wants-”

“Who he wants.” Stan said and chuckled. Bill followed but coughed to cover it up once he saw Eddie’s glare.

“Can we just-!” He shouted. Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Richie. He’s had enough of peoples opinions on his relationship. “Can we just not talk about it? Have a normal loser hang out sesh, for fucks sake.” 

Bev silently moved back to sitting next to Ben. Everyone else twiddled their thumbs at Richie’s little outburst. 

Ben leaned over the table and looked at Stan. “How was your date with that Patty girl?” 

Stan sighed and smiled. “It was lovely, thanks for asking.” Stan started talking about his date while Richie tried to ignore Eddie’s gaze. 

He knew Eddie wanted answers and Richie didn't know what to tell him. Richie didn't want to blabber about Connor’s personal life, especially to someone who already has a grudge over him for no reason. 

Connor’s busted body flashed in Richie's head. Richie still had to think over about joining the gang. Connor was going home to that hell house and asking Henry about it. Richie looked around at his friends, mostly wrapped up in Stan’s story that Richie should’ve been listening to. What would they say about it? Clearly, none of them would approve. But if Richie joined, he could keep an eye out for Connor. He needs someone to look out for him like Connor wanted to do for Richie. His eyes glanced over to Eddie, he was quiet. He should apologize to him, but if Richie gets Eddie alone, who knows what kind of questions Eddie would ask him. He noticed his friends smiling at Stan’s story so he smiled too. His head was too loud, it started to hurt. “Excuse me.” He said to no one in particular, and headed for the bathroom. 

Once Richie was in the stall, he pulled out the rum from his pocket. He just needed a little to get rid of his headache and tone down his thoughts. He pinched his nose and took a swig. Richie shook his head and gagged a little. “Ugh..” 

One more should do the trick, so he took another one. And another. He didn't leave the bathroom until he felt the warmth of the alcohol, only four shots in total. 

Richie rinsed his mouth out with the liquid soup and water to tone down the smell before heading back out with his friends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop oop oop ily all


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops i uploaded this chapter twice   
> fixed it

Richie walked back to the table, trying to keep his head straight as the alcohol affected his vision. This was a dumb idea. He glanced at Eddie who was making a face at him. Richie smiled back and averted his eyes. This was a horrible idea. But now he could focus on trying to act sober instead of his problems. Richie slouched in his seat and swayed his head to the dull diner music. A smile started forming on his face as his thoughts drifted to the moments he spent with Connor after the gang was brought up. 

“Richie!” Stan called at him. Richie sat up and noticed the waitress looking at him with an annoyed expression. 

He smiled up at her brightly. “I’ll have what he's having.” He pointed at Ben. She moved her head to look at who Richie pointed at. 

She turned to face Richie again with a worried expression. “Alright.” She left it there and walked off. 

“So,” Bev looks at Stan from across the aisle. “You’ve been talking about this Patty girl with heart eyes,” Stan straightens his back, trying to look nonchalant even though his expression was embarrassed. “Are you going on another date then?”

“Actually, I’m seeing her again tomorrow.” He couldn't stop his smile. 

Richie was happy for Stan, he really was. But Richie couldn't help but be jealous of him. The way he could talk about his crush in the open without looking over his shoulder. How he could go on dates in public and not be kept in the confide of a car parked in an empty lot every night. 

Shit. What was he going to tell his parents about the marks on his neck?

Mike made a cooing sound. “Stan The Man has got it bad this time!” 

Stan rolled his eyes at his friends who were teasing him. “Alright, shut up. We only held hands. Nothing to run to the papers about.” 

Bev threw up jazz hands. “Aw, hand holding!” 

Richie slouched in his seat again. His head was spinning and his anger rising. He needed to calm down, he couldn't take this out on Stan. Richie should be happy for him. But there was a nagging in the back of his head. How long would Richie have to wait to be allowed to hold hands with someone he liked? He couldn't even imagine holding Connors hand in town. Henry would probably get a whiff of it and beat the shit out of Connor again. 

Richie grabbed his thigh and tightened his grip, trying to distract the bad thoughts away. He didn't want to think about Henry, he drank so he wouldn't have to think about Henry or the way Connor looked that night because of Henry. 

Richie let out a shaky breath and looked up to meet Eddie’s eyes. The other boy's eyes were analytical and worried. Richie hated seeing Eddie like that. If only Richie could tell Eddie about tonight, but he was too ashamed. He knew Eddie didn't want him around Connor, for some good reasons, but Richie desperately needed someone like him. Even if that person was still very much still in the closet, Richie really didn't mind. He wasn't sure he wanted the whole world to know at all. Richie only told Eddie because his excitement was eating up at him and he only told the other losers because Eddie said he should. He couldn't tell Eddie about the gang offer, he would never approve, he would never look at Richie the same again. Richie knew he couldn't have Eddie the way he wanted, he couldn't lose him as a friend either. 

“Hey, Bev?” Richie said without breaking eye contact with Eddie. He watched as Eddie’s expression changed. Richie didn't notice how his voice sounded broken but Eddie sure did. “Can I bum a smoke?” Richie looked away from Eddie before Eddie had time to frown.

Bev was already looking through her hand bag. “Didn’t I already give you some earlier?” She stands with two cigarettes in her hands. She holds one out to Richie. 

Richie smiled at her. “Yes, but no one rolls them quite like you, Beaverly.” He goes to grab the cigarette but she pulls her hand away from him. 

Her face scrunched up. “You know I hate that.” She starts to walk out and Richie gets up to follow her. The conversation continues as they walk outside to the back of the diner to the smoking hut. 

Since it is late on a summer night, the smoking hut is a little crowded with other teenagers who only get to smoke at this time. Richie and Bev stand off to the side of it, away enough so that others don't hear them talking. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Richie.” Bev lights a cigarette and hands it to Richie. She then lights the other for herself. 

Richie pinched the bridge of his nose, under his glass. “You’ll need to be more specific.”

She moves closer to him and whispers. “Connor?” She pulls back from him. “What were you thinking?” 

“I really wasn't.” Richie wished he could be finishing the rest of the rum in his pocket if he was going to talk about Connor’s condition out loud. He tried to smoke the cigarette fast to get the nicotine high. Eddie told Richie once that the nicotine high was just your brain cells dying. Whatever it was, Richie didn't care. He just wanted to numb his thoughts and feelings for a little while. 

“Of course you weren't. Richard Tozier never does.” Bev shuffled her feet and looked around at the other teens smoking.

“Gee, Bev.” Richie threw his butt on the ground and watched as he stepped on it to put it out. “You are so sweet. We should have these chats more often.”    
  
“If you wanted someone to kiss your ass you should've asked Ben out here.” She handed Richie her purse. “Eddie pointed out some things to me-”

Richie scoffed at the mention of Eddie. He did have a lot to say about Richie’s life, didn't he. Richie took out another cigarette and lit it, slinging the purse over his shoulder. He hugged himself to try to stand better. The nicotine was mixing with the alcohol, it wasn't weed, but it will do. Why did Eddie care so much?

Bev gave him a look but continued. “You’ve changed since hanging with Connor. I always thought you were gone because you wanted to… I don't know, a rebellious phase? Getting high all the time, always gone.” Bev’s voice was a little strained as she wiped something from her cheek. Richie tried to pay better attention. “Maybe you were coping about all of us going to college next year. Ya know, like, branch out and shit.” She dropped her cigarette and covered her face. 

“Shit, are you crying?” Richie said as he pulled her in for a hug. 

Bev nudged him away, trying to regain her strength and not cry in front of the faceless teens around her. “But now I know that you did all that for…” She was scanning Richie’s face, trying to find what would be best to say there. But she didn't need to say it. Richie knew what she meant. Richie ditched them and acted different for someone he liked. Not for himself, but for Connor. 

But was that really  _ not  _ Richie? He did like getting high and drinking, who didn't? And being around Connor made Richie feel free almost. Free in that beat up rust bucket of a car to hold a boy's hand. To kiss a boy, even. 

Bev dropped her gaze and slowly reached for her purse back. “It’s not you, Richie. You don't need to change yourself for someone. It never works out.” 

Richie scrunched his face up at the last sentence. What was that supposed to mean? What would Bev know about anything like what Richie and Connor have? Richie blows out smoke, trying to calm down. “‘It never works out’?” He flicks the butt away and watches it fly. “What would you know, Bev?”

Beverly starts to say something but Richie cuts her off. “No, no.” His head is foggy and he’s mad. Why does everyone think they can control Richie’s relationship? First Eddie, then Henry, now Bev. “Why don't you tell me about Bill?” He barks out.

Bev crosses her arms over her chest. Her brows are knitted together but her voice was calm. “This literally, has nothing to do with him-”

Richie couldn't stop it now. He was hurt and confused all over, his current mental state not mixing well with the substances. With Connor on his mind, Henry popped in. Richie’s anger for him was coming out. “You have so much to say about what I do, but I can't ask what happened between you two?” He couldn't stop it. “What about Ben?”

Bev averts her eyes. “What  _ about  _ Ben?”

“He’s been in love with you since we were kids!” Richie couldn't stop his mouth from speaking. “You ever going to do something about that?” 

Bev eyes look him up and down. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” She moves close to him but Richie takes a wobbly step back. “Fuck you, Rich.”

Richie stuffed his hands in his pockets. Richie can feel the stares of the other smokers since they started raising their voices at each other. Bev’s stare burned hot on his face.He can't be here anymore. He was tired of people trying to tell him who he is and how his relationship should be. He already hurt Eddie, and now Bev. It was Henry’s turn. 

Before Beverly had a chance to speak, Richie started running. He could hardly hear her shouting his name. His mind only had one thought, beating the shit out of Henry Bowers. 

Richie stood on the road in front of Henry’s house. He just finished the rest of the rum by chugging it and dropped the bottle on the ground. His head wasn't clear, he was wobbling as he walked on the lawn to the back of the house where he heard music playing softly. Surprisingly, he was walking up right even after drinking roughly four more shots. The music got louder as he got closer to the house. He couldn't hear any voices but he did see the glow of a fire. He rounded the side of the house and there indeed was a fire, but only one person outside. It looked like the person was throwing things in the firepit. Richie slapped himself on the face to focus. He needed to find Henry, not this mystery person. 

Since he stopped to look at the fire, it was hard to make his feet move again. Richie burped which brought on acid which made him barrel over and throw up to the side of him. 

“Who’s there?” The mystery man called. But Richie knew that voice. His heart ached, how was Richie so stupid to forget that Connor would be here? 

Richie leaned on the house and gave a wave. His anger subsided a bit as Connor walked over to him. “Came to see what your mom looked like. You don't know this but I’m kind of a big deal to the cougars around here.” He could hear how drunk he was now, his speech slurring slightly.

Connor sped up his walk once he heard Richie’s voice. “Richie!” Connor held out his arms to Richie but decided to keep them to himself. Richie wanted nothing more than to be held. Connor’s face was still busted, of course it was. Richie wanted to hold him. He wanted to make this all better. Connor’s voice was kept at a frantic whisper. “What are you doing here?” Connor looked at the ground and saw the shine of the throw up in the fire light. “Are you drunk?” 

Richie smiled up at Connor. “You sure are smart, you should be a detective.” 

Connor covered Richie’s mouth with his hand in a fast motion. It was somewhat forceful but Richie didn't mind. He was just happy to be with Connor. Snarky, badass, Connor. The very same Connor who said he liked Richie only a few hours ago but it felt like a lifetime. “Shut the fuck up! Do you want Henry and Patrick to hear you?” Richie said something under Connor’s hand but he couldn't hear. “Just whisper, okay? Are you capable of that?” Richie nodded and Connor removed his hand. 

“Who’s Patrick?” Richie has been tortured by Henry and his friends for years and he never knew of a Patrick in the group. The only Patrick he knew of was… Richie made a disgusted face. “ _ Hockstetter _ ?” 

Connor hushed Richie again. “Yeah, they’ve been hanging out. I think he’s going to run some stuff for Henry.” 

“Could this group get any worse?” Richie groaned and leaned his head back on the house. 

“It wouldn't be so bad if you joined.” Connor and Richie locked eyes. “Did you think about it? Is that why you're here?” 

Richie let out a small laugh. He started drinking to forget about the offer and about Henry and about Connor’s busted face. And yet, here he was. Standing in front of Connor’s bruised face, right outside Henry’s house. “What were you burning?” 

Connor looked back at the fire. “Some shit that couldn't lay around.” Connor faced Richie again. “It’s not important. Listen, you need to get home. Can you walk?”   
  
Richie wrapped an arm around Connor’s neck. “I can walk.” Richie used Connor to steady himself. He let go of Connor and took one step before his knee buckled under him. 

Connor grabbed his arm before he fell too far that he couldn't get back up. “I just need you to walk to the car, I wasn't going to make you walk back  _ home _ .”

Richie smiled up at Connor. “You are so sweet. Give me a kiss.” 

Even though it was dark out, Richie could see Connor’s ears get bright red with the fire light. “Sh-shut up. You just puked.” He wrapped Richie’s arm around his neck again and wrapped his arm around his back to hold Richie up. 

Connor’s car is parked on the other side of the house in the driveway. Connor tries to walk as low to the ground as possible but with Richie being him, it wasn't very far from just slouching. Richie was regaining his strength, or maybe the alcohol was giving him more energy. Either way, Richie started walking more by himself and by the time they were close to the car, Richie and Connor were hugging while walking. “I know it was only a few hours ago, but I missed you.” Richie whispered to Connor before Connor let go of him. 

Connor glanced at the house, lights were on that Richie didn't notice the first time he looked at it. Why didn't Connor say something back to Richie? He was really throwing himself on the line here and all Connor did was look back at the house? Connor started digging in his pockets as Richie glared at the window with the lights on. He could see outlines of people but no real features, but Richie knew. Knew that Henry was in there. And thats why Connor didn't say anything back to him. Connor was afraid of Henry and Richie was tired of being afraid. He was drunk and tired and had a hot guy say he liked Richie and fuck, Richie just wanted a kiss. He just wanted attention outside of the empty parking lot. He wanted Connor’s face to be better. And then Richie remembered why he was there in the first place. “I fucking hate Henry. I want to beat the shit out of him.” 

Connor looked at him, eyes wide with alarm. “Dude, he’ll hear you!” Connor reached in his pocket again and let out a frustrated low groan. “Fuck! The keys are inside.” Connor looked Richie up and down and bit his lip.

“Don't look at me like that, I still have puke on my mouth.” 

  
  
Connor balled his hands into fists. “Will you shut up? I don't think you understand the danger you are putting us in with your loudass mouth.”

  
  
“Trashmouth.” Richie smiled and held out his hand. “Ladies, call me Trashmouth.” 

Connor swatted Richie’s hand away. Connor was clearly panicked and stressed and Richie wanted to help him so desperately but his mouth just couldn't stop, just like back with Bev. “Can you just-!” Connor raised his fist but put it down once he realized what he did. Richie looked towards the road. He didn't want to see Connor like this. “Stay here while I run and get the keys?” Connor took a few steps back, his eyes on Richie the whole time. But Richie didn't say anything or move. As much as Richie wanted to beat the shit out of Henry, the idea of being in the car with Connor again tonight, out weighed the first. 

Connor wasn't gone for more than two minutes before Richie heard a crash from inside the house. Richie took a step closer to the house, trying to listen to the best of his ability in his state. Then he heard another crash and a woman scream out Connor’s name. 

That’s all Richie needed. He headed straight for the door he saw Connor go in just moments before. When he walked into the house he saw Connor with blood running out of his nose. He was on top of what looked like a table and clenching his side. Henry and Patrick were standing above him, Henry shared the same bloody nose as Connor. Connor’s mother had her head peeking out of the door frame leading to the kitchen. She was fighting back more screams by holding her mouth shut with her hand. 

Richie stomped right up to Henry and swung. He hit Henry in the face but the punch wasn't all that powerful because Patrick also swung at Richie at the same time. Richie doubled over from the punch to his gut. Henry stood back, shocked at the punch. Patrick took no time to start kicking Richie while he was down. Richie didn't know what came over him, he grabbed Patrick’s legs as he kicked him and started digging his fingernails into the flesh and biting anything he could get close enough to his face. 

Patrick fell to the ground and Richie climbed on top of him. Patrick might be a few inches taller than Richie, but they were basically the same weight. Richie had him pinned and started punching his face. Richie was angry. Richie was starting to black out. He didn't care who or what he was punching but it felt good. All this pent up anger, having to hide his feelings to the world all this time, it felt good to release some of the anger he had been holding. 

Richie didn't stop punching until Connor pulled him off of Patrick. “Calm down! Okay, okay! Breathe!” Connor said to Richie. Connor stopped talking once he heard the clapping. 

Richie and Connor both looked and saw Henry clapping with a bright smile on his face. “What a show, Tozier!” 

Richie’s head was spinning, he felt like he was going to throw up again. He heard a groan from the floor and saw Patrick’s face for the first time, red and swelling with blood coming from his nose. That was meant to be Henry. Richie looked back up at Henry to make a remark but Connor squeezed Richie’s arm to shut up. 

“Maybe Connor was right. You could be good here.” Henry laughed. “You really fucked him up. You looked like a savage raccoon.” Henry and Connor made eye contact. Richie hated it. Hated that they were bonded in some fucked up way that Richie didn't know. “Alright. He’s in.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote a chapter in eddie pov but i hated it so i had to start all over im sorry  
> i wish i could get inside eddies head better but i cant rn but i hope to write an eddie chapter again! this was intended to be a reddie fic after all  
> l but after writing this ive fallen in love with connor oops  
> anyway thank you for reading up until now as always, ily


	17. Chapter 17

Richie’s head was spinning, the only thing keeping him still at the moment was Connor’s hands squeezing his arms. Richie couldn’t stand seeing Connor’s face bloody and bruised. He threw up in his mouth a little but pushed it back down. Did he want this? What did Richie Tozier want? Right now, probably a nap. The mile and a half run was finally catching up to his body and it aches all over. 

Henry broke eye contact with Connor to look toward the kitchen door frame. “Are you going to come out and clean this?” His voice shot disgust at the woman who was too shocked to move just yet. Henry nudged Patrick with his foot to stand and with rigid movements, the lanky boy stood. Patrick used his shirt to try and stop the flow of blood coming from his nose. 

“I’ll get it.” Connor said in a rushed annoyed tone. Richie thought back to what Connor said earlier that night, it felt like a year ago now. Connor said he did what Henry wanted so he would stay away from Connor’s mother. He was here to be her protector, but Connor didn't have anyone to look after him. Richie wanted to be that for him. 

The air in the room was thick with tension, no one moved after Patrick stood. Richie didn't want Connor to let go of him, he felt like he might pass out. The room was eerily silent but a piercing bell ding came from somewhere in the house. Connor’s grip tightened ever so harder on Richie’s arms. Connor’s mother's eyes seemed to gloss over at the sound of the bell. Henry’s breathing sped up a bit, his whole body language switched to high alert. The bell went off again this time with a voice. 

“Henry!” The voice was rough. It sounded like he was dragging the word over gravel. Another bell sound. Without any more delay, Henry turned immediately to walk down the hallway off of the living room. Patrick glanced at Richie once more before following Henry down the hall. 

The tightness in the air was gone, Connor and his mother seemed to come alive again once the other boys were out of the room. Connor finally looked at Richie. He held Richie at arms length, looking over him. “What the  _ fuck _ , Richie?” 

“Connor, language.” His mother said just above a whisper. She still looked like she was in a trance as she walked over to the broken table. Almost trying to detach her mind from her body. 

Connor moved Richie to the couch as he spoke. “Mom, I said I’d get it.” He let go of Richie once he sat down. Exhaustion washed over Richie as he felt the soft beat up couch, it was getting hard to keep his eyes open. “It’s late. You should just go to bed.” He spoke to her so tenderly it made Richie like him more.

Connor’s mom nodded her head slowly and looked at Richie. “You can't take him home. A mother shouldn't see her son like that.” With that, she walked in the kitchen. 

Richie didn't realize he fell asleep until Connor shook him awake. Richie propped himself up on his elbow as his eyes adjusted to the dark room. “Where…?” Normally, Richie would have been embarrassed about falling asleep but his head was pounding and he could hardly think fully to care. 

“Living room… Come on.” Connor helped Richie up off the couch and moved to the position to support Richie while he stood. “Do you think you’ll be okay to walk up steps?” Richie grunted in response and they started walking. 

Richie blacked out a little while walking up the steps. They did make a stop to the bathroom so he could properly puke in the toilet before heading to Connor’s room. 

Connor’s room was too big to be called a closet but not big enough to be a full bedroom. A twin sized bed fit snug between the walls with a small window above it. The room was a little bit longer than two of the beds put together. There were two boxes of clothes lining the bottom of the dirty white wall. Other than the bed, there was a desk on the opposite wall of the clothes. On it, there were a bunch of beat up notebooks, pens and the car keys. Nothing about the room screamed Connor and Richie was a little disappointed. It now made sense why Connor’s car had so much personality inside of it. 

Connor sat Richie on the bed, Richie tried to linger the touch but Connor pulled away. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Connor hurried out of the room, shutting the door just enough to not make a sound. Richie took this opportunity to lay down in Connor’s thin bed sheets. He smiled into the pillow, thinking of Connor sleeping there. 

The door swung open and Richie bolted back up. It was Connor, he was holding a jug of water and a bucket. He shut the door behind him before letting a smile spread on his face. “What were you doing?” 

The fast movement made Richie queasy again and held out his hands for the bucket. Connor handed it over and rubbed Richie’s back as he puked for the third time that night. “I’m sorry…” Richie said while wiping his mouth with his hand. “I’m not usually a puker…”

“For some reason, I really don't believe that.” Connor put the bucket on the floor and opened the jug of water and gave it to Richie. “You were pretty badass.” He helped Richie hold the jug as he drank. Richie tried not to choke on the water when Connor said that. It made Richie’s stomach flutter. He capped the jug and put it on the floor. Connor moved to sit right next to him. 

“You're just saying that because I look pathetic.” 

Connor chuckled and gently touched Richie’s hand to examine it. “I’ll get you some ice in the morning, you should just go back to sleep.” 

Richie did feel tired, but he wanted to be here with Connor. How could he fall asleep again while in a bedroom with him? There was no space between them and all he wanted was to cuddle Connor in a real bed, not the back of his car. If Richie was in this gang he was promised more time with Connor, and this is where he wanted it. He leaned his head on Connor’s shoulder. “Where should I sleep?” Richie knew the answer, he just wanted Connor to say it. 

“The bed, smartass.” Richie could hear Connor’s smile. He was still examining Richie's hands, his touch so soft it was almost a whisper compared to the punches Richie was giving out earlier. 

Richie laced his fingers in Connor’s. “Where are you sleeping?” He asked in a playful yet hopeful tone. He wanted to share a night with Connor especially after tonight. The idea of being in Connor’s arms when he woke up clouded his mind. Richie closed his eyes and embraced the small rush of excitement at the thought. It almost even washed away the fear of having Henry so close to something that makes Richie so happy. 

Richie’s tiredness and small euphoria moment made him miss Connor’s body getting tense when they held hands. He also couldn't see that Connor kept glancing at the door ever since he came back in with the water. Connor let go of Richie’s hand and bolted off of the bed. “Richie….” 

Richie suddenly felt cold. He was confused by Connor’s behavior. 

“Richie, listen..” Connor sat on the desk chair and kept his voice to a whisper. “We can't-” The two made eye contact. Connor looked pained and he couldn't finish his sentence. 

Without looking away, Richie said, “Maybe I should go home.” 

Connor rubbed his hands through his hair and tugged before letting go. He stood up again, clearly upset. “Henry is just down those steps. You get that right? So we can't-”

Richie stood, he didn't get dizzy this time, he must be sobering up after all that throw up. “I get it.” He said sternly. Richie couldn't help but get annoyed. Richie drunkenly ran all the way here to beat up Henry, instead he got recruited to be in Henry’s drug dealer ring. Now, all he wants to finish off this night is to lay next to Connor and he can't even get that? 

“I’m sorry.” Connor gave Richie an apologetic look. “Just not now, okay? Everything is still so… unpredictable.” Connor motioned for Richie to get back in bed and Richie did. How could he argue with Connor on this? Connor was scared. His personal hell was sleeping somewhere under the same roof as him, of course he didn't want Richie gaying up the place. 

Richie laid in the bed and faced the wall. “So what, are you just going to watch me sleep?” 

Richie heard Connor sit back in the desk chair and shuffle papers on the desk. “I’m not tired.”

“What about the table?” Richie sat up in the bed and looked at Connor. How could he have been so selfish? He completely forgot that Connor was the one that fell on the table. “Shit! Are you okay?” 

Connor smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. “Yeah. It’s not a night in the Bowers house without some bloody noses.” 

Richie tried not to think too much of that statement. He had a feeling living in this house wasn't heaven but he didn't want to think how bad it could get. He glanced at Connor’s side, the one he was holding earlier while on the table. “But your side? You fell into a table and it broke.” 

Connor shrugged. “It was an ugly table anyway, it wasn't even good for rolling joints.”

“Do you always make light of your problems?” God, he was starting to sound like Eddie. 

“Do you ever shut up?” Connor smiled a real smile this time and gave Richie a smartass look.

Richie smiled back. “Make me-” Richie covered his mouth with his hand. Connor just talked to him about this. “Im sorry-I just talk like that-not with everyone-well-”

Connor bit his lip while Richie rambled and reached up from the chair to turn the light off. Richie stopped talking once the light went out. He heard shuffling and what sounded like the chair being stuffed under the door knob. Connor’s face was seen in the moonlight from the small window. “I know what I just said.” Connor put a finger over Richie’s mouth to keep him quiet. “But I know you won't shut up until this happens. And I guess you deserve this.” Connor swiftly leans forward and plants a kiss on Richie’s lips. He pulls away and wipes his lips with the back of his hand. “Fuck, I forgot you puked.” 

Richie smiled. He guessed he could work with this for now. Richie leaned in for some more, but Connor’s face was gone and the light on the desk was turned on. Connor moves the chair back to the desk and takes a seat. “Does the light bother you?” 

Richie gives him a small smile even though he is disappointed. “Nope.” Richie laid his head back down, watching Connor scribble on paper. Richie observed Connor for a few moments. The house was silent, all Richie could hear was Connor’s pencil. “What are you writing?” 

Connor’s ears got a little red, Richie was happy he could still do that to him even after tonight. “Uh… I’m drawing.” He said in a shy voice. 

Richie sat up. “Let me see!” He tried to lean from the bed to see the piece of paper, but Connor moved it from his eyesight. 

“It’s nothing! Go to sleep.” Connor took Richie’s glasses off for him and left him blind. “I don’t want to deal with you hungover in the morning.” 

With that, Richie turned to face the wall and tried to sleep. The light really didn't bother him, it was knowing that he was sleeping in Connor Bowers room with Connor. Well, not  _ with _ him. But it didn't help that Connor was awake next to him at the desk. 

Richie drifted in and out of sleep. When he woke up to get more water, Connor was asleep on the desk. He was snoring softly with some drool on his mouth. He looked so peaceful, aside from the bruises on his eyes. Richie meant to wake Connor up, it was just getting light out and Richie planned on going home. But once Richie stood, he saw what Connor was drawing. 

It wasn't amazing, but it was better than what Richie could draw. It was a picture of two superheros. That was it. No names, no real indication that it was Connor or Richie. But Richie knew it was them. There were also some clumps of words scribbled around the margins, but even if he had his glasses on, he couldn't see what they said from where he stood. Richie felt butterflies in his stomach. He wanted Connor to be okay. He decided he would let Connor sleep some more, hell, he could use some more sleep too. He rolled back to face the wall and shut his eyes.

The next time Richie woke up, Connor wasn't in the room. He looked out the small window in the room and noticed the sun was bright and shining. Richie’s head was clearer than ever since last night and only now did everything really sink in. 

Richie was in Henry’s Hell Gang. If Richie didn't puke everything up last night, he would’ve puked then. Richie also banged up Patrick Hockstetter. Hopefully being in the gang meant Patrick wouldn't come after Richie. He had a moment of rage last night that he’s never had before and if Patrick or anyone tried to come at Richie again, he knew he couldn't go back to that place. 

Richie slept in Connor’s bed last night. Connor took care of Richie, too. Richie looked at the bucket of puke, but it was empty. Connor really cleaned up his puke. Richie reached for his glasses on the table to put them on. He noticed the drawing he saw earlier was gone. Of course, why would Connor keep something like that out in the open? He probably hid it so Henry couldn’t find it. Richie tentatively went through the drawers in the desk. He found cigarettes and lighters and several weed paraphernalia but no drawings at all. Not even a notebook with words, just junk. 

Richie wanted that picture. He needed that picture to prove to himself that Connor does like him. Sure, Connor took care of drunk Richie and yes, Connor did tell Richie that he liked him. But they didn't have anything physical to prove it. A simple dumb drawing like that is perfect, and Richie knew where he would hang it on his cieling. Would it be weird to ask Connor if he could have it? Richie realized just now that he could just be projecting onto the drawing and asking Connor to have it might be off putting. Richie will just keep an eye out for it. 

Richie goes to open the door but stops before his hand touches the door handle. This wasn't his house. This was Henry’s house. He couldn't just waltz out into the living room and greet everyone like he would at his house. Where was Connor? 

Richie glanced out the tiny window again, Connor’s car was still in the driveway, that was a good sign. Richie took a deep breath in and counted to ten. He needed to leave this room at some point, he could really smell himself now. As much as he wanted to be with Connor, he desperately wanted to go home and take a shower. 

Home. 

“Fuck.” Richie cursed and sat back on the bed. He forgot his father told him to come home last night, that he worried his mother when he didn’t at least tell them where he was. But how was he supposed to go home now, like this? Puke stained the front of his shirt, his nose dully in pain, and hickies all over his neck from earlier that night. It felt like a lifetime ago now. Being in Connor’s car, tangled up in him. 

Richie shook his head, he can't think about that right now. Maybe he could use Connor’s phone and call his parents, tell them he stayed over at Ben’s house. 

Richie groaned. He forgot about his friends he left at the diner. Why was he so dramatic? Richie really made a mess for himself. He vaguely remembered his fight with Bev last night before coming to Connor’s. He just made up to the loser not even 24 hours and he already fucked up again. Richie ran his hand through his hair. He felt like the biggest dick in the world. What was he supposed to say to his friends? What would he say to Eddie? Maybe he should get Bev flowers and smokes but he didn't know if Eddie would forgive him. Eddie made it very clear he didn't like Connor, which isn't fair, he didn't even know him. 

Richie’s thoughts came to a halt when the door cracked open. Richie couldn't help but freeze and tense up but it was only Connor. Richie gave him a bright smile that Connor did not return.    
“Hey..” Connor opened the door wider to fit his body in the doorway. “It’s 11, I think you should get home.” 

Richie's heart sank at the coldness Connor was giving off. But, he needed to get used to this. Richie needed to understand that being in the gang meant getting cold patches from the boy he likes only to get more free time with him. His smile fell as he stood up. “Mind dropping me off somewhere else?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone  
> i heard all the kind words you left in the comments of my last chapter   
> so i took a break from animal crossing to start this back up again  
> i hope you are all safe and healthy


	18. Chapter 18

Richie followed Connor down the steps. He could feel himself holding his breath, just waiting for Henry or Patrick to jump out from somewhere. But they didn’t. In fact, Richie hardly heard a single soul in that house except for Connor and his footsteps. When they reached the living room, the smashed table was gone and the tv was one but sound isn't coming out of it. 

“It’s just us and my mom and....” Connor was watching Richie look around the room. “You can relax.. A little.” Did Richie look that frightened? Alert? Purple from not breathing? 

  
Richie let out the breath he was holding and gave Connor a sheepish smile. Connor looked like he had more to say to him but he kept it to himself. Instead, Connor looked down the hallway where machine beeps were coming from. Did Richie notice them last night? He couldn't remember. Connor swung the car keys on his finger and headed for the door. 

Only when they got inside the car did Richie’s muscles in his body relax. He selfishly wanted Connor to finally be warm to him again, he turned to look at Connor. “Hey.” Richie said with a smile. He silently moved his hand in the position for Connor to take it. His face was a little buffy from his bruises but he was still handsome. Richie thought he could sit and stare at his face forever. “Some night, right?” 

Connor gave Richie a small smile. “How much did you drink last night?” He pulled out of the driveway, eyes on the road.

Richie rubbed his head. “The thing is… I don't remember drinking a lot?” 

“You were smashed and almost knocked out Hocksetter!” Richie couldn't read Connor’s tone, it was a mix of amusement with an undertone of anger.

Richie looked at his hands and saw the cuts on his knuckles. He felt dumb having his hand palm up just waiting for something that clearly wasnt going to happen right now. He moved his hand to his lap. “Oh, right.” Richie looked out the side window. He didn't really want to think of his mistakes right now, he only wanted affection. “How did you break the table last night? Wasn't your nose bleeding?” Richie told Connor to take a left. 

Connor nodded slowly. “Yeah… Do you remember I was going to take you home last night, I just had to get the keys from inside.” Richie nodded. “Well…” Connor glanced at Richie but looked back at the road. “Henry knew you were outside, I guess he saw you walk up before I found you.” 

“So he punched you because I was at the house?” Richie felt horrible. Just another mistake he made that night. 

“No, not really. I mean, I’m sure that was part of it. But don't worry about it, he doesn't need a reason to punch someone.” Connor’s hands tighten around his wheel. “He didn't want me to take you home. He wouldn't let me up to my room to get the keys and I kind of… snapped?”

Richie’s eyes widened. “Wait, you punched him first?” 

Connor had a big smile on his face now. “Yeah, I did. It felt good. But then fucking Patrick pushed me off balanced and when Henry decked me I fell into the table.” 

“Wow, I wish I could've seen it. I want to beat the shit out of him for making you look like that.” 

Connor forced a laugh. “Yeah, I know. You only said it about 28 times last night. But it’s cool, you're in with us now.” 

Richie’s stomach turned at the last statement. Was there anyway to back out of that? Richie didn't realize he was auditioning for a spot in the crew. “Right… Connor, about that-” 

Connor grabbed Richie’s hand. Richie melted at the kind touch, he’s been waiting for this. “It’ll be fine! I’ll do everything, just trust me. You trust me, right?” Connor rubbed his thumb over Richie’s cut knuckles. 

Was this scene right? The bruises and cuts and hot and cold affection.The part of Richie that was desperate to feel desired wanted to be here, holding this broken guy's hand. He wanted nothing more than to help Connor in so many ways. Richie had people to help him feel accepted and show him what real friendship was. He wanted to be that for Connor. But the thought of hanging around and associating with Henry fucking Bowers seemed too much. He needed to get Connor away from that house and show him what a good life was. 

“Hello? Richie?” Connors' voice pulled Richie back to the present. “What turn do I make up here?” Connor took his hand back. 

Richie chuckled to fill the hurt. “Sorry, I think I passed out a little… take a right, the place will be on the left.” 

Connor followed Richie’s instructions and pulled off a few houses away from Richie’s destination. “Whose place is this again?” Connor eyes up the row townhouse. “This your side piece?”

Richie smiled sly at Connor. “Ben is a real looker…” Connor whips his head to look at Richie but relaxes when Richie starts chuckling. “Jealous?” 

“Fuck you. Who is this Ben, I’ve never heard you talk about him.” Connor reached for his pack of cigarettes. Richie noted the lack of eye contact while he asked the question. 

“Well, we never get a chance to talk about my friends.” Richies says in a small voice but makes it louder the next time he speaks. “Ben Hanscom, just one out of six of my best friends.” Richie gets shy as he asks the next part. “You wanna meet him? He’s such a huge softy-”

“I gotta go.” Connor shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable by the question. 

“Yeah, okay, yeah…” Richie smacks his lips together and unbuckles his seatbelt. “But.. If I have to be around Henry, I want you to meet my friends at some point.” He rushes the next part. “We don't have to act a certain way around them and you can take that anyway you want and-”

“Well, luckily we won't have to worry about that, since you won't be around Henry at all.” Connor said matter of factly and sternly. 

Since Richie wasn’t getting what he wanted out of this car ride, he decided to speak up. “That makes no sense at all.” 

Connor stops in the middle of trying to light his cigarette. “What?” 

Richie turned to face Connor in his seat. “How am I supposed to be in Henry’s fucking gang-” Connor’s face scrunches up in confusion and annoyance. “-but not ever see Henry? I get that this is a good cover, it's a reason to hang out more, but there is no way I’ll never see that jackass.” 

Connor didn’t speak or really move for five minutes. Richie was mentally throwing himself off of a bridge. He didn't want to fight with Connor, but Richie wanted answers. But now seeing the reaction Connor is having to Richie speaking up, maybe he should've just kept his mouth shut. 

He couldn't take the silence anymore and quite frankly, Connor was scaring Richie a little bit. “Connor, I’m sorry-”

Connor leaned over Richie and for a split second Richie was filled with relief. He thought Connor was leaning over to kiss him in broad daylight, his heart sped up a bit. But Connor missed Richie’s face and kept moving passed him. Connor opened Richie’s door. “I’ll come get you later tonight. Be at your house around 10, okay?” Connor sat back in his seat and gave Richie a tight smile. 

Richie’s head went blank. How could he have fucked up this badly in such a short period of time? Connor wouldn't talk to Richie, Connor hardly held his hand. “At what part did I fuck up in this?” Richie said in a small voice.

Connor lit his cigarette now and stared out the front window. “Can we just fucking drop it right now? The suns up, Tozier, we can't do this now.” Connor turned up the radio. “You’re place, ten o’clock.” 

Ouch. Richie nodded, too hurt to say anything and got out of the car. He gave Connor a wave as he drove by but Connor didn't see.

With a mental sigh, Richie headed for Ben’s house. He wasn’t sure why he picked Ben, he just knew he couldn't go home or to Eds’ or Bevs’. Ben just seemed like the perfect person to not shit on Richie at this time. He wasn't even sure if Ben would be home. This was a horrible idea, what was Richie thinking. He got to Ben’s front porch and looked inside the window for signs of life. If Richie didn't have a person to distract him in the next three minutes, he was going to have a breakdown. 

He sucked it up and knocked on the door once. No answer, he knocked again, louder this time. He heard shuffles from inside and stepped away from the door. Moments before the door opened he remembered he was covered in his own puke and had no idea what he was going to tell the person who opened the door.  
  
Ben’s face appeared from behind the door, his face went from common courtesy to a mix of delight and relief but landed on panic. He moved out from behind the door and wrapped Richie into a hug. Did Ben want Richie to cry? “Richie!” He said out loud but once in the hug he whispered in Richie’s ear. “Bev was so worried, please remember that also I’m sorry.” He pulled away from Richie and gave him a smile. “You smell like shit. Is that-” He pointed to Richie’s shirt then looked down at his own.

Shell shocked from the greeting, Richie answered. “My stomach acid on my shirt? Yes. Sorry.” Richie looked around the porch, feeling awkward at the info he was given. “So… Can I?” Richie pointed inside. 

“Oh!” Ben moved out of “Yes of course, are you hungry?”

Richie stepped around Ben and took his shoes off at the door. Connor was so weird and distant with Richie earlier, having Ben immediately welcome him in actual open arms made him want to weep. “Fuck yes. Ben, you have no idea how much this means to me, I love you.” 

Ben smiled but his eyes shot to the other room. “I love you too, buddy.” 

Richie ignored the look. “Hey, so, do you mind if I shower here? I’m sorry, if I’m asking too much you can kick me out-ow!” Richie grabbed the back of his head and spun to face the attacker. 

Bev’s face was full of anger. “What the fuck, Richie?” She didn't let him react, she kept punching him as she spoke. “I was so worried about you! Do you know how exhausting it is to be your friend sometimes? I ran after you! Where did you go? And now you just show up at Ben’s asking for a shower? Like you didn't just worry all of your friends, again?” 

Ben puts his arms out to stop Bev’s throws as tears roll down Richie’s cheek. “Hey, hey…” 

Bev crosses her arms in front of her chest. She clearly wanted to still be mad at Richie but how could she when he cried in a vomit stained shirt? “Richie…” she said in a soft voice. Ben and her exchanged a look. 

“Hey… Wanna get that shower now? I’ll get you some new clothes and by the time you're out, Beverly will have the food ready.” Ben tenderly guides Richie to the stairs. “And if you want to talk about… whatever this is about, we’ll be here.”

“We deserve some sort of explanation at least…” Bev huffed and headed back in the kitchen. 

Once Richie and Ben reach the bathroom, Richie faces Ben. “She’s right.” 

Ben gave him a knowing smile. “She normally is… But Richie, she was just worried, we all were. When Bev came back without you…”

Could Richie Tozier be more pathetic? Standing in front of his friend after he drunkenly ran off and accidentally joined a gang, he didn't deserve this. Connor was right to treat Richie the way he did. This isn't even the first time he fucked over his friends and made them worry. And of course Bev is here, karma isn't letting him off this easily. She was always spitting the truth and she wasn't really holding back this time. “Wait, why is Bev here?” 

Ben handed Richie some extra clothes. He looked like he didn't want to answer the question on behalf of Richie. “She couldn't sleep.” 

Richie felt like he was intruding more than just Ben’s home. “Maybe I should just leave after the shower.” Richie knows Ben likes Bev and they don't spend time alone anymore since Ben’s part time library job and his architect camp. Richie especially didn't want to sulk and take up their time together. 

“What!” Ben shook his head. “Shut up, you're staying. Bev’s just making pizza in the oven, nothing special. I'm sure she'll want to talk to you more anyway. I’m curious about it myself..” Richie looks away from Ben. “No pressure of course!” Ben shut the door while muttering to himself. 

Richie took off his clothes while the water warmed up. He didn't have much motivation to actually get a shower but he knew he smelled. Richie looked at the door. He didn't really want to be alone, would it be weird to ask one of them to talk to him while he showered? Richie shook his head. Yes, that would probably be weird. Plus, they definitely try to talk to him about Connor and what happened last night but Richie wasn't ready for it. He needed to clear his thoughts and organize them before he could even speak them to himself. 

Richie quickly showered and used the rest of the time to sit on the floor of Ben’s bathroom. 

“Should we call Eddie?” Richie heard Ben say on the other side of the door. Richie’s stomach did a flip hearing Eddie’s name. Damn, what was wrong with Richie? 

“I had to disconnect my phone last night because of him. He wouldn't stop calling, he was up looking for him-” Ben shushed Bev. 

“I don't want him to hear us.” 

Eddie was up all night looking for Richie? He didn't deserve them, his friends. They were all so smart and charming and caring people and here was Richie, spending most of his time wishing for more and drowning his sorrows. Richie got up and got dressed in Ben’s clothes. He needed to get out of here. Richie looked at himself in the mirror. Luckily he didn't have any markings on his face, only his neck and knuckles. His eyes were puffy from crying in the shower. He didn't know what he cried for but he couldn't stop it. Richie noticed a smallish window next to the shower. He opened the window and peered outside. Maybe he could just climb out and make a run for it? He didn't feel like talking anymore. 

Before he could make up his mind, there was a knock on the door. “Richie?” It was Bev. “You better have pants on, I’m coming in.” Richie quickly shut the window before Bev opened the door. “Look, I’m sorry for hitting you.” She pulled him into a hug. “Also you should try out for track next year you were so fast.” 

Richie chuckled and hugged her back. “I’m sorry for running off, I didn't mean the things I said to you last night. I was..” Richie sighed. “I was drinking last night, I wasn't thinking right.” 

Bev held him at arms length and looked him up and down. “You were drunk? Richie, where did you even…” She trailed off in thought. 

Richie pulled away from her touch. He had a feeling where this was going. “It wasn't Connor.”

Bev raised an eyebrow. “I never said it was.” 

Richie held his own elbows for comfort. “Sorry… force of habit. Everyone just blames him without knowing him...”

Bev stayed quiet for a moment before speaking. “You're not the same Richie from a few months ago. This Richie seems more… sad.” Bev moved closer to Richie. 

Bev and Richie stare at one another. Beverly Marsh has changed right before Richie’s eyes and he didn't even know it. Clearly she wasn't the twelve year old he became friends. She was still brave and true back then but now she had the confidence to back it up. She held herself taller but sometimes, Richie could still see that twelve year old. 

“Who’s hungry?” Ben is in the doorway now, holding a slice of pizza. Richie didn't hear him coming up the steps, was he there the whole time? 

Bev’s demeanor changed when Ben spoke. She loosened up and held up her hand. “Me! I haven't eaten since the diner.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just gotta push through these chapters to get to the real JUICE !!!  
> i promise   
> ily missed everyone


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey whats that one guy up to?

While Richie was beating the shit out of Patrick Hockstetter, Eddie sat at the bar in the diner. His legs dangled, too sore from walking to keep them on the foot rest. He remembered the week he spent at Richie’s which felt like a year ago but was really only a day or two. Richie was a mess just a week ago, Eddie couldn't stand thinking about how low Richie was those few nights. Eddie recognized some of the same facial expressions on Richie again tonight. That's why he was so worried when Richie ran off. Why would Richie run off with Connor Bowers again?

Eddie spun one of his quarters on the tabletop, he already called Bev’s number four times within the hour of everyone going home after Richie left. Each time he dialed her number he got closer to telling her what he really wanted to talk about.

He has feelings for Richie. Eddie slammed his hand over the quarter before it spun off the ledge. God, why'd it have to be Richie? Eddie let out a small groan and rested his head on the table, thinking back to the week he helped Richie with the word “gay” he too slowly realized that he wasnt straight. 

Only because a certain guy Eddie slept next to everynight that week was a snuggler in his sleep. Only because a certain guy would try to make Eddie laugh everyday even when he was feeling down. Only because a certain guy came out and said that he used to have a crush on Eddie. Only because a certain guy had a bright smile and hearty laugh anytime Eddie would make a shitty joke. Who wouldn't fall for a certain guy like that? 

And last night, in a group hug, Eddie told that certain guy that he loved him. It came out with more feeling than Eddie intended and at the time he was worried someone would notice how desperate he sounded saying the phrase. But no one said anything. That's when it finally clicked with Eddie - he really did love Richie. 

And everything was going so well until Eddie opened his damn drunk mouth. But Richie just sounded so sure of Connor and what he meant to Richie. It was making Eddie sick hearing Richie glorify a guy that Richie himself said he didn't know all that well. Was he supposed to sit there and let this fucking Bowers take the credit for making Richie happy? Eddie was the one who picked Richie up again. Not that Eddie wouldn't do that for any of his friends for any reason if it needed done. 

Eddie got dropped off at his house after the group circled the town looking for a runway Richie. He would've been lying if he said he wasn't hoping Richie ran to his house. And he would've been lying if he said it didn't crush him when he didn't see Richie there. He needed to get out of the house and keep looking. 

Hence why he walked back to the diner. He wasn't planning on going back to the diner he sort of ended up there. And since getting to the diner he called Bev to try and find some comfort with his feelings but he couldn’t even get them out. Eddie would just word vomit into the receiver about how stupid Richie was for being with That Fucker again. 

Even though no one seemed to notice Eddie’s feelings last night, he was worried that was part of the reason Richie left. Or even Richie was still upset with Eddie for bashing Connor to the group. Eddie just felt like this was somehow his fault. 

Eddie couldn't take his own thoughts anymore, he picked up the phone. “I bet he's at fucking Bowers house.” 

“Hello again, Eddie.” Bevs voice echoed in the diners' pay phone. 

“He punched him in the face, Bev! And it took a week for Richie to get back on his feet and be normal-well normal for Richie.” Eddie’s leg was bouncing now, he was getting worked up. “Should we go over there?”

“You want to walk right into the crack den?” Eddie tried to push away the picture of Richie ODing. “It's like an hour long walk from your house. You can't possibly be thinking about walking all the way over there, are you?”

Eddie looked around the nearly empty diner. It was nearing 3am now and he couldn't sleep. Richie was acting so strange before he ran off. Eddie couldn't help but think it was because of him. But Eddie knew Richie was also with Connor that night, it was obvious because of those...

“Eddie? I swear-“ Beverly's voice pulled him back to reality.

“I'm not home.” Eddie heard Bev sigh into the phone. “I walked back to the diner.” Eddie shifted in his seat. “You know, Richie is such a dumbass he could get himself killed with that mouth of his.”

“Eddie, do you want me to call Bill to walk you home? It’ll take him five minutes to get there, ya know. I can't have two idiots running around at night.”

Eddie made a face at the phone before answering. “What? No! I'm fine! I walked here myself. I was just a bit hungry-“

Her voice was soft. “It's okay to say you're worried, Eddie.”

Eddie closed his eyes. Of course he was worried, but how was he supposed to say the real reason as to why he was so worried? He just needed to talk it out with someone but it was so hard to get the words right. How do you tell someone when Richie wasn't around the air didn't feel right. Or when Richie came out to Eddie, he got butterflies and he just now started understanding why. Or how sleeping next to Richie was agony but also a necessity. Or how Eddie hoped to see Richie climbing through his window every night but falls asleep with an empty feeling when he doesn't show. How could he explain that when he saw those marks on Richie’s neck, he felt defeated and lost. 

“-Eddie? Come on, please tell me youre still here.” Bev pleaded with a zoned out Eddie.

“I’m not going over there.” Eddie decided. “Besides, I don't know which trailer is the Bowers anyway.”

Even on the phone, Eddie could picture the relieved face Bev must be wearing. She was right anyway, Eddie shouldn't be making rash decisions without the others like that. 

“Hey, Eddie?” Bev was whispering into the phone now. “I think my aunt woke up, I’m going to call you in a few minutes, don't leave okay?” 

Eddie nodded, said his agreement and hung up the phone. This was bad, Eddie felt bad. His mind was going a mile a minute, he couldn't stop thinking about what happened with Richie. Earlier in the diner, Richie was quiet, he didn't sit next to Eddie and hardly looked at him. Eddie was pleading in his head for Richie to at least acknowledge him. Sure, Eddie snapped a little, again about Connor, but was that a real warrant for the cold shoulder? 

“Hey, sugar-” Eddie jumped a little at the sudden speaker. Eddie really needed to learn to stay vigilant to his surroundings if he was going to be stuck in his head. Eddie looked the old woman up and down. She had a gummy grin and smelled faintly of her own piss. When Eddie jumped she let out a cackle. “Oh! Jumpy tonight are we?” She was just standing off to the side of Eddie but that was too close for him. 

“Fuck, mom was right…” He whispered to himself. Eddie’s eyes darted around the part of the diner he could see, a waitress was cleaning the sugar cups with headphones on. Eddie’s heart was picking up speed. Why was he worried over some smelly old lady? 

“Mind if I sit with you?” His eyes darted back to the old lady. “It’s been so long since I had a handsome young suitor with me.” She giggled and it ended in a horrible coughing fit. Eddie flinched at every cough. 

He was thinking about storming Henry’s house to find Richie but he couldn't even look this hag in the face without throw up filling the back of his throat. “N-no. No. Sorry.” 

Before the lady could say anything else, the diner phone rang. Eddie silently thanked the waitress from earlier who left the phone right in front of him- only so she didn't have to keep getting it for him everytime he would call Bev. “Hello! Bev?” Eddie answered the phone with panic in his voice. He was sitting with one butt cheek on the stool while the other leg was on the floor, moving as far away from the stranger as possible. 

“Uh..” The voice was deep on the other end. “No. This is Steve. Is this the 24 hour diner?” 

Eddie got red in the face. How dumb could he be to forget this wasnt his personal phone? Eddie looked passed the creepy lady and to the waitress who was bobbing her head to her music, ignoring the world. 

“Why, you remind me of my third husband, Rutherd.” The lady smiled at Eddie again and moved her hand close to his face. 

Eddie practically fell off of the stool he was so repulsed. The closer she got the worse the pee smell was. 

“Uh, hello?” The man on the phone said. Eddie felt like his head was going to implode, too many things happening and none of them things Eddie wanted. 

“Uhh…” Eddie said back in the phone, mostly just out loud because the lady was inching closer to him. What the hell did she want? His breath was hitching and he could only move so far with this corded phone. 

“Look, can I get some-” Eddie couldnt be on the phone with this guy all night, he was waiting for Bev to call back. 

“Wrong number!” Eddie said back and hung up the phone with a loud clunk. 

Finally, the waitress took off her headphones to see what the noise was. Eddie could only imagine how the waitress saw him through her eyes. Probably some helpless kid who can't even shoo away a homeless lady, god, Eddie felt pathetic. “Martha.” The waitress called out. “Come get your normal seat and leave the poor boy alone.” 

The lady whipped her head to look at the worker. “You think you can talk to me like that?” 

The waitress put her hand on her hip and looked at Martha with wide eyes. “If you want your usual with a decaf, you’ll sit your ass right on down in front of me.” Martha huffed and puffed and threw some swears at Eddie’s savior. “That young boy has had a  _ night. _ He doesn't need your shit too.” 

Eddie stuffed his hand in his pocket to feel for his inhaler. Of course, Eddie knew it was fake, but it always seemed to calm him down. What the fuck just happened? Eddie dared a look at Martha, who now sat at the very end of the bar. What kind of dynamic did this waitress and customer have that they could just talk to each other like that? Eddie glanced back at the phone. Now he felt a little bad for hanging up on that guy. 

The phone rang again. Eddie went to reach for it but paused to look at the two down at the other end. With a shrug, Eddie picked up the phone. “Hello?” He said with much uncertainty. 

“Eddie?” Bev said. Eddie smiled with relief. “Hey, sorry about that. Uh, my aunt she-”

Eddie cut her off, too stressed to let her finish. “Bev, you will not believe what just happened to me.” Eddie turned his back to Martha and spoke in a whisper. 

Eddie filled Bev in on Martha, the phone call and the waitress. It was weirdly calming talking about only those three things. It’s seemed like forever since Eddie has had a non-Richie thought or worry. That was sad, Eddie was pathetic. Was he really mainly having thoughts about Richie? The guy that probably doesn't like him back in the way Eddie hopes? This is such a cliche and it's eating Eddie alive. He ended his conversation about the diner mishaps with a sigh. He needed to tell someone about his feelings, just to get them out of his head and maybe get some peace. Bev was right on the phone, this was the perfect time. 

Eddie looked at the clock on the wall, nearing four in the morning now. This was definitely the sleep deprivation talking, but he was going to tell Bev his feelings. “Bev.. Can I talk to you about something I should be telling you face to face?” Eddie swiveled in the bar stool and palmed his last quarter. 

“Sure thing, babes.” Eddie could hear the tiredness in her voice for the last ten minutes but chose to ignore it. This needed to happen. 

Eddie straightened his back and survaded the nonexistent crowd. Was he doing this? Was he doing this here of all places? It seemed so public yet the most privacy Eddie has ever had in his own home. “Bev, I-” Eddie started but he couldn't finish. He was too stunned to see Bill Denbrough walking up to the diner. “Did you call Bill to get me?” Eddie was mad, he told Bev not to. His friends thought he couldn't walk home alone? He was almost fucking eighteen.

Bev was silent for a moment. “I just wanted to make sure you got somewhere safe. You can't be mad at me for being concerned.” It sounded like she rehearsed that line. 

Eddie groaned into the phone as Bill walked in the door and gave Eddie a small wave. “Crash at m-my place?” 

“I can take care of myself, Beverly. Don't act like my fucking mother.” He hung up the phone and glared at Bill. 

Bill rubbed the back of his neck. He was wearing basketball shorts and a hoodie, his hair was a mess, he clearly woke up to Bev’s call. “Come on, E-Ed-die. You kept c-calling her. She was wor-ried.” 

Eddie hopped off the stool and walked past Bill. “You know I hate when you stutter my name.” Ah, why did he say that. Eddie used to say that when he was younger and it was a shitty thing then and definitely a shitty thing now. He was just pissed at everything right now. He was about to get some fucking release from his thoughts by talking to Bev and she calls Bill to rescue Eddie? “I’m sorry..” 

“I know.” Bill said. He wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and started the walk. 

Eddie didn't realize how cold it got outside and was thankful for Bill’s warmth. Or maybe Eddie was just tired and liked leaning on someone. Eddie watched his feet move mindlessly as he got more and more tired. He felt defeated again, but in a different way than before. He felt like he did this to himself. What was Eddie thinking, he never runs off like this, he doesn't really do things by himself. Maybe that’s why he wanted to go looking for Richie, to prove that he could be out late running the streets. Like someone else he knew... Eddie mentally groaned. His thoughts were so cringy and full of jealousy he hated being in his own head right now. 

“Richie will be f-fine. I know you're upset at him for going and seeing Coh-nnor. I think that was pretty fu-fucking dumb. But, can we blame him?” 

Eddie side eyed Bill. “How are you in my head right now, you freak.” 

Bill laughed. “Ah… I gu-ess ‘cause I was thinking ab-bout it too.” 

Eddie glanced at Bill's face. What was he thinking about? Did Eddie’s feelings line up with what Bill was feeling? That can't be possible, Bill can't like Richie. Bill couldn't be .. could  _ swing  _ that way could he? 

“Why are you l-looking at me like that? Ca-can’t a buddy not be worried about his f-friends sleeping habits? Richie d-deserves better than some lowlife Bowers if you ask me.” 

Eddie relaxes. He needed to stop jumping to conclusions, they never worked out for him. Eddie was wrapped up in his own sexuality that he forgot it was normal to worry about a friend's dumbass decisions. “I really don't get it. All Connor seems to do is get high and.. Mess around with richie.'' Eddie had a bad taste in his mouth for saying that. “Richie needs someone that really knows him and gets his fucked up humor. Someone to keep him in place, Richie shouldn't be unsupervised for long.”

Bill chuckles, it was clear that he was tired. “You're right we lost sight of h-him for a month and he became a drug d-healer's boyfriend. Basically a mob boss movie.” 

Eddie ran through about three different scenarios of how Richie could die in a mob boss movie before Bill pulled him out of his head again. 

“You th-think it'll be okay if you just spent the ni-ght at mine? I know how your mom is still…” Bill waved his arm out and motioned to nothing. But he didn't need to say anything, Eddie knew what he meant.

Eddie dramatically sighs. “Yeah.... I'll just wake up and call her before she goes to work, if she hears your voice she should be fine, she likes your parents.” 

Bill pulls out the garage key and huffs, “Hard not to when you're known as the family who lost a kid.” 

Eddie was stunned. First of all, he almost never heard Bill talk like that. If Bill had something going on that wasn't life changing, he would talk to Stan or Richie about it. Eddie would just hear the problem through the grapevine. Second, Bill didn't stutter that sentence once. Eddie knitted his brows together to look over his friend again. Bill looked physically normal. “Rough night? We can talk about it...” Eddie didn't know how Bill would feel talking about his feelings but Eddie wanted to try. The two have been friends since they were eleven for fuck sakes Eddie thinks the heart to heart is well over do.

Bill forces a yawn and heads in the house. Without looking at Eddie, he says, “S-sorry I'm tired, ign-n-ore that.” 

Eddie stayed silent as they walked up to Bill’s room. Mostly because he didn't know what to say. Should Eddie press further? Could Eddie even help if he nagged Bill about it? Was Bill’s stutter worse tonight? The two walked up the steps, Eddie couldn't help it when his eyes glanced at Georgies bedroom. Was it the anniversary soon? Eddie shook his head a little. No, the funeral was in winter. He couldn't forget the feeling of overwhelming dread that day. 

Bill shut the door behind Eddie and took off his sweatshirt to reveal a Derry High football shirt. “Do you want so-soh-mething to sleep in?” Bill scrunched his face in annoyance at his own stutter. 

Eddie nodded his head yes and Bill grabbed some clothes off of the floor. He held them out to Eddie, who reluctantly took them. Were these Bill’s dirty clothes? Eddie took a deep breath and began to change. Bill was quiet as he settled into his side of the bed, but Eddie could tell by his body language that something was still wrong. Eddie left his shit and jeans in a pile by his shoes and climbed into bed and laid on his back. “Hey, Bill?” Eddie said above a whisper. 

Bill, who was facing away from Eddie, turned his head to look at Eddie. “Yeah?” 

“Bottling things up never helps. And I’m all ears.” Was this reassuring? It felt weird trying to get inside Bill’s head, Eddie used to look up to him for everything. 

Bill turned away from Eddie. Fuck, of course. Prying never helps either, maybe Eddie should've kept his mouth shut. 

“My PSAT sc-scores are bad. Like, re-rea-lly bad.” Bill said without turning around. 

Eddie stopped himself from saying ‘is that it?’, because it clearly isn't. “Oh..” Is all Eddie could come up with at the time. “You can still take the SATs in senior year until you get the score you need for NYU.” 

Bill shifts in the bed to lay on his back. The boys laid like that for a moment, Eddie stared at the pictures on the ceiling. Found memories of the Loser Clubs’ past. “I-I-I-I-” Bill takes a deep breath again, trying to calm himself down. “Fuck-!” 

Eddie tenses laying next to Bill. What was he supposed to do with an angry Bill at four in the morning? “Hey, man. It's okay. Take your time.” 

Bill takes a second to regain himself and continues in a low, slow voice. “I’ve been ta-talking to the school co-c-ounselor.” He finished that sentence off with a tone of disgust. “He says I should write ab-b-bou-out Georgie for NYU. Said it might give me a leg up on other applicants.” 

Oh, shit. There it is. Eddie is filled with disbelief. A high school counselor thinks Bill should exploit his brother's death just to get into a college? “Thats fucked, Bill.”

Bill lets out a small chuckle. “You're t-selling me…” Bill sat up in the bed and used the wall to support his back. “Thats why Bev and I didn't work out.”

Eddie scrunched his face. “She wanted you to write about-?”

Bill stuck his hands out. “N-no! No, just, college. Stress of c-college and... She didn't want to say goodb-bye to friends and a b-boyfriend.” he got quiet. Eddie didn't want to think of the day he'd have to say goodbye to his friends. He especially didn't want to think about it tonight, of all emotional nights. “Ah-among other things too b-but I think that-t was the main reason. I can't really blame h-her, I had the same thoughts-s too.”

Eddie nodded along as Bill spoke. “Needed to get a lot of things off your chest, huh?” Bill smiled and shrugged. “I never knew what happened with you and Bev were getting serious for like, real boyfriend girlfriend talk.” 

“Well it-t didn't get that f-far. One n-night it just happened and it was p-pretty much the end of it.” 

Eddie’s mind wondered to Richie. He didn't want it to, but the talk of Bill and Bev made him think about how things would be if Richie and Eddie got together. Would the same thing happen? Have a moment of a spark and just have it die out? Would that be better or worse than how things are right now? Eddie felt Bill shift back to laying next to him. Nothing could happen until Eddie comes out. The thought made him feel queasy, just thinking about his mother knowing… Eddie shivered. 

“You okay over there?” Bill said. 

Eddie looked over at Bill. This was Bill, the kid Eddie has known for years. He was going to tell Beverly about his feelings but why not Bill? It was so late in the morning and Eddie felt like shit. Bill just told Eddie something private, its only right to exchange. “Can I tell you something you can't tell anyone?” Bill sat up some and nodded his head. Eddie shifted and looked at the ceiling again. He saw a picture of all seven of the losers together, he wished times were like that again. “I think…” Eddie balled his hand into a fist. He can't down play this. Eddie knows how he feels. “I like Richie.” Eddie kept his eyes on the ceiling to give Bill time to process. The deed was done. Eddie felt some weight lift off his chest. 

Bill shifted on his back again. “Ah, ok-kay.” He spoke slow. “Th-that makes sense.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves i hope you like this!  
> im trying to incorporate the other losers lives in slowly!  
> nothing major to the plot at all but  
> ya know  
> just so you see them and know they are also   
> crazy stressed teens   
> anyway ily <3


	20. Chapter 20

Eddie’s face got red. He sat up on his elbows to look at Bill. “What do you mean ‘that makes sense’?” The last thing Eddie wanted was someone to know his feelings before he did. Also, shouldn't this be a bigger thing to Bill? Two of his best friends-that are men-like other men. And this one in his bed just said he liked Richie? Eddie scrunched his eyebrows together and looked at Bill accusingly. “Did you know?” 

Bill laughs and rubs his face. “No, n-not really. But you s-saying that makes sense I-I don't know I guess the way you l-look at him and how you always b-bi-icker with him more than anyone else or ho-ow you went looking for him even though he's probably at his b-boyfr- oh.. Eddie..” there it is. The pity. Eddie wasn't looking forward to this part. Bill sat up in the bed once more. Eddie couldnt see well in the dark room but he could feel Bills eyes on him. 

“Yeah. I know. How pitiful can Eddie Kaspbrack get?” Eddie sat up with Bill. “Not only does he like his male best friend but that said best friend is already head over heels for someone else. And its senior year! So what's the point? There's no point in even telling you all of this. I should've just kept my mouth shut.” Eddie’s heart rate started going up, he was working himself up at four in the morning over something he couldn't control. Typical. “-But he's all I can think about it’s suffocating. Ever since I opened my mouth about Connor, Richie won't even look at me! And we had such a great week just staying at his place and talking and not having a care in the world and now he won't even look at me, Bill! What went wrong? Did I do something wrong? Is this all my fault that I don't even get Richie as a friend anymore?” Eddie didn't realize he was hardly breathing while venting. Eddie started doing breathing exercises to get back on track, he felt Bills hand on his back to try and sooth him.

“Rough n-night?” Bill said, mocking Eddie’s tone from earlier. “Needed to g-g-get a lot of things off your ch-chest, huh?” Bill took his hand back.

Eddie rolled his eyes at an unknowing Bill but was grateful for the back rub. “We’re both a little fucked, huh?” Eddie put his first two fingers on his wrist to count his pulse, his heart rate was normal again from what he could tell. “I don't know what I’m going to do, Bill.” 

There was a pause in the conversation where Bill was thinking. “Are you g-going to tell the o-others?” 

Eddie’s tone got defensive. “About Richie? Fuck no-”

“No about be-being gay.” 

Eddie’s mouth hung open. Partly because he really didn't like getting interrupted but with his friends, he got used to it. Mostly because he hadn't thought that far ahead. Why not tell the group? Richie came out and Eddie basically held Richie’s hand as he walked out of the closet. But something is telling Eddie that it wasnt time yet. “No. Not yet. I’ll feel weird doing it so close to Richie’s… I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.”

“Wrong idea?” 

Eddie’s brain was fried, he couldn't form the words he wanted to make this make sense for Bill. “Nevermind.”

“Listen, E-Eddie… I think you m-might need to weigh out your options.” Eddie groans, Bill persists. “No, I did this too, it helped for m-me.” 

“You two didn't even stay together! You had sex and she left it as that.”

“Th-there is so much m-mo-more to that but I'm not going to get into it. You know, you are a-acting just like Re-Richie right now, all moody and bitchy.” 

Eddie starts to roll his eyes but stops. Bill was right, Eddie Shouldn't act this way towards him. Bill was just trying to help, it wasnt his fault for Eddie’s feelings. “Okay, sorry, I’m listening.” 

“If you d-do tell Richie how you feel, he m-might feel the same way. Who really fuck-king knows at this point.”

“But he likes Connor.” Eddie said matter of factly. It’s all Richie seems to talk about. 

“Yeah, ap-p-parently he does. But are you going to ign-nore your own feelings enough to still be Richie's friend? Kn-nowing that y-you like him and he likes Connor?”

This was not the right time to be making such a big decision but when was it? Bill was right-how many times is Eddie going to think that tonight? Eddie needed to think this through. Could he keep his mouth shut to stay beside Richie as he dates that dick? “I can't tell him,” Eddie said above a whisper. He was staring at the dark space in front of him. Why did he feel so sad all of a sudden? “I don't think I can make him decide between Connor and us. That isn't fair to him, right?” The last thing Eddie wanted was to make Richie hate him. If keeping his feelings down meant keeping Richie as a friend, he would do it.

Bill nods. “I'm all ears if t-th-things get too much, Eddie.”

Eddie takes a deep breath in, trying to snap him out of this weird down mood he was in. It was probably just because he was tired, right? “I can say the same to you, Bill. You don't always have to shut things in that big brain of yours.” 

“I h-haven't been really sh-shutting things in. I've been talking to Mike ab-bout some stuff. I basically regurg-gitated what he told me.” Bill laughs and lays back down in bed. 

Eddie looks at the clock on the table beside him, 5am. He settled back in the bed, his eyes closing as soon as his head hit the pillow. He didn't feel that much different, being out to Bill. Should he feel different? I guess Eddie never got a chance to talk to Richie about being kind of out. Right now, only having Bill know was enough. Enough to keep Eddie sane as he fell asleep.

“Night, Eddie.”

“Night, Bill.” 

Eddie got back up at 7am to call his mother. He woke Bill up to speak with her. Billl had a way with Eddie's mother, maybe because Bill was the only normal one in the group according to his mother. “Hey, ma.”

His mother squealed on the other end. “Eddie! I was worried sick! Where are you? Please tell me youre okay!”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, he felt a headache coming. “Im okay, ma. I'm sorry I didn't leave a note. I'm at Bills.”

“You didn't go to that diner did you? Eddie, I told you the type of people that go there are filthy! Lowlifes, all of them. Why, just last week Ruby Jonhson was driving by there and said she saw a homeless woman smoking! And a teen girl tried to give her food and she killed her!” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. Where did his mother come up with this shit. “No one died, ma.” Bill gave Eddie a confused look, Eddie rolled his eyes back. “I’ll be home when you get back from work, okay? I just wanted to-” Before Eddie could tell his mother the rehearsed lie, she interrupted him. 

“No. I’ll call off work. I can't believe you would do this to me, Eddie bear. You know how worried I get over you. Where did you say you were at? I’m coming to get you. You almost gave me a heart attack! Did you want to give mommy a heart attack?” 

God, his mother was too much sometimes. “No, ma. I didn't want to give you a heart attack. I’m sorry. I got up early to go to Bill’s because his dad rented a boat. Bill wanted me to go to the lake with them.” 

Eddie could hear the hmph from his mother in his head. “A boat? Where did the Denbrough’s get money to rent a boat, wasnt going on a week long anniversary trip expensive enough?” His mother was an extremely jealous person. A quality Eddie hoped he didn't inherit. She droned on and on, mostly talking to herself about the Denbrough financial situation. After a moment his mother spoke to Eddie again. “Do they have life jackets?” 

Eddie tried not to let his mother hear the sigh of relief he just had. “Yes. But I have to go, they are leaving now.” Eddie looked at Bill, who was fake running around trying to pack a bag for the imaginary boat outing. Eddie smiled at him and waved him to stop trying to make him laugh.

“Oh alright, I love you. Be home later tonight, around-”

“Love you too, bye!” Eddie slammed the phone down, he wanted to be off the phone with his mother. 

Bill clapped for Eddie. “Sick, l-lets go back to b-bed.” 

They two slept until noon, not getting hardly any sleep the night before. Bill was already up when Eddie got out of bed. He was sitting on the floor, reading a comic book when he looked up at Eddie. “M-morning.” 

Eddie groaned. Thinking back on last night, it sucked. No sleep, no resolution to troubles, had to lie to his mother. Well the last one wasnt so bad, Eddie just didn't like doing it unless it was necessary. His face felt greasy and even though he tried really hard not to think about it, he was pretty sure he slept in Bill’s dirty PJs last night. He needed to shower and wash away all his insecurities before taking on the day, er well, afternoon. “Mind if I shower and then head home?” 

Bill put his comic book down and stretched. “Go for i-it. I’m sure you are s-super gross from all that b-boating we did today.” 

Eddie snapped his fingers as he remembered. “Right, boating. I gotta remember that for when I see her tonight.” Eddie grabbed his clothes he had from yesterday and brought them into the bathroom. When he was younger, Eddie couldnt shower in other peoples showers. Showers should be a private matter for only the people who live in the house, when others use their showers, it seems tainted. Who knows where any of the people have been? Plus, his friends never had the strawberry scented shampoo he likes. But much like ever other irrational fear he had, he grew up and the fears got smaller. Sure, sometimes they creep back up but it wasnt as bad. 

Eddie got undressed and hopped into the hot water. He stood there for a few minutes, just letting the water run over his face and body. Eddie would use showers to relax him. He used to take showers three times a day if he was stressed enough. Being at school made it hard to do that so he resorted to washing his hands a bunch. But right now, this was most definitely a Calm Down Shower. 

How was he meant to get over Richie? The feelings came so fast and there were so many of them. Eddie was meant to get rid of them just as fast? He ran his hands through his wet hair, they got tangled so Eddie just left them there for a while. Would Richie talk to him today? Maybe he should stop by Richie’s house on the way home. Eddie shook his head. No, that might not be a great idea. Being alone with Richie would only make the feelings grow, Eddie just had a feeling it would. 

There was a knock on the door, Eddie flinched and grabbed the back on the tub. He didn't realize until now, that he was sitting on the floor of the shower. “Eddie, y-you okay? I can h-hear my d-d-ad mumble a-about the water bill…”

Eddie looked up at the faucet, the water was running cold now. How long was Eddie sitting here? He looked at his fingers and saw they were pruned. He cursed at himself for not at least washing his body and turned off the water. “Sorry!” Eddie called back to Bill. He quickly got dressed and went back to Bill’s room. 

Bill smiled when he saw Eddie. “I t-thought you got lost in there.” 

“Heh, no. Just thinking.” 

Bill had a knowing look on his face as he nodded and spoke. “The man that thinks is a man that is miserable.” 

Eddie raised an eyebrow at his friend. “What's that from? You didn't even stutter when saying it.”

Bill shrugged. “M-my brain, I guess.” 

Eddie clicked his tongue and looked around the room. There was nothing for Eddie here, he should be getting home. He really did want to take a real shower at some point today. “I’m gonna head out.”

“Y-you don't want lunch? Moms making s-something.” 

Eddie shook his head and put his shoes on. “Nah, you helped poor pathetic me enough the past few hours, I’ll get out of your hair.” 

They both head down to the front door. Bill patted Eddie’s back before he left. “It’ll w-work out.” Bill kept it short and sweet while his parents were in the next room.

Eddie gave Bill a weak smile. “Write what you want to, Bill. Anyone will love it.” 

Eddie decided to walk by Ben’s house on his way home. Mostly because Ben’s neighborhood was close to Richie’s without actually going to Richie’s block. God, what is wrong with Eddie. He just hopes Richie was okay. He could be anywhere by now. In a ditch. Forced to shoot up drugs. In Connors arms. Tied up in a trunk halfway to Mexico. Eddie stopped in his tracks. He can't keep thinking like this and getting worked up. Especially in this heat, Eddie was going to get pit stains. Eddie took a deep breath and briskly started walking to Ben's house. The odds of him being home were slim, but Eddie needed distractions. If he went home right now, he would go insane with nothing but time to think. 

He skipped the first step to get on the porch faster, but before he could step on the landing, the front door opened. It threw Eddie off balance but he didn't fall. Thank god, he didn't need that today. He looked at the front door as it opened wider, Bev was smiling and laughing at someone behind her before turning and making eye contact with Eddie. 

“Eddie!” She said, surprised. Her smile faulted but regained just as fast. 

“Bev?” Eddie questioned. This was not the person he expected to see coming out of Ben’s house. Ben’s head popped out from behind Bev. Eddie gave him a wave. This situation seemed awkward enough that Eddie forgot all about panicking over Richie’s death. “Hey, sorry. I was just… I was just leaving Bill’s and I thought I’d stop and see Ben... “ Eddie looked between Bev and Ben. Should this seem weird to Eddie? Maybe it was only weird because just last night, Bill was talking about Bev and we all know Ben liked Bev but… Eddie closed his eyes. He thought too hard on shit, this was not the time. “Bev, I’m sorry about last night. I should be thanking you. I was going a little crazy, I think.” 

Bev shoved a cigarette behind her ear and walked over to Eddie. “You’re lucky there is an even bigger shithead in this house right now or else I would still be upset.” She leaned down to hug him, the steps making it hard but they made it work. 

“What do you mean ‘bigger shithead?’ I can't believe youd call Mrs. Hanscom a shithead-” Bev pulled away from Eddie and that's when he saw Him. Richie was clearly wearing Ben's clothes. Richie only had wrinkled graphic tees in his closet. But damn did he look nice in jeans and a worn tshirt. Eddie exclaimed Richie’s face, there werent any cuts but his hands were. Where was he last night? Eddies mouth got dryer, what was he supposed to say to Richie? Even Richie seemed weird about seeing Eddie, what was that supposed to mean? 

Ben and Bev shared a look with one another. “Richie, this is Eddie. Eddie, Richie.” Ben made fun of the silence. Bev lit her cigarette and stood on the other side of the porch. 

Richie gave Eddie a small smile and walked over to him. Eddie was still on the steps and had to look up at Richie. “Hi-” Eddie started but stopped when Richie pulled him into a hug. The warmth of Richie was sending Eddie somewhere. He didn't smell like Richie, he must've showered here. This was the opposite Eddie was meant to be doing. He wasnt supposed to swoon while around Richie, this was going to be impossible. “Richie, I’m sorry for saying that shit about Connor. I know what he means to you and I was a dick.” Eddie hoped no one caught on to how forced that was. 

“I’m sorry for running like a little bitch.” 

Eddie laughed and pulled apart from Richie before he got lightheaded. Now that he saw that Richie seemed physically okay, the anger started rising. Where was Richie last night? Why did he run? Eddie crossed his arms and scrunched his eyebrows. “Richie, what the fuck-”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Ben wagged a finger at Eddie. “We already promised Richie we wouldn't talk about last night anymore. Sorry, Eddie.” 

Eddie’s mouth dropped open and Richie giggled. “I didn't promise him shit! I want to know what happened!” Eddie stomped up onto the porch. “Fuck you, Rich. What happened?” Eddie glanced at Richie’s beat up knuckles as he asked the last part. 

Richie smiled and smoothly stuck his hands in his pockets. “Sorry, Eds. You’ll have to ask me later. Because Bev also promised me cigarettes while Ben here promised me a whole day of friendship.” Bev handed Richie the lighter and a cigarette. “Wanna stick around? We can play a board game, you love those.” 

Eddie could not believe what he was hearing. He kept looking around at his friends with bewilderment. He was up all night looking for this fucker and he was just meant to push it under the rug until later? And what? Sit here with his friends and enjoy the day? Eddie got a whiff of the smoke and scrunched his nose. “You know I fucking hate board games.” 

“You just hate not being the banker in Monopoly.” Be laughed. The others laughed with her. 

Eddie looked at the ceiling and huffed. “You know Stan and Richie cheat everytime they’re the bankers, we can't trust them!” Everyone joined in laughing again. Eddie smiled as he looked at his friends. Maybe he could just push things under the rug, he missed having moments like this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for two eddie pov in a row?  
> and sorry for late posting, life rn is... well im sure you know  
> thank you for commenting on the last chapter! I love hearing feed back  
> okay i think this might have cured a block i had so i hopefully will be updating a little faster???  
> as always, ily   
> until next time <3   
> gn


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to your regularly scheduled program

Richie really tried to live in the moment. Sitting around Bens house playing board games just seemed so mundane. Don't be fooled, Richie did get swept up in the laughter of his friends, especially now that Eddie was here. But this side of the coin just felt too shiny, too comfortable, too right. The other side of the coin being with Connor, with  _ that  _ group. It was dark and rusted and felt almost as uncomfortable as the shiny side. 

This might not be the perfect time to consider Richie's place in the universe but if he felt weird with his only friends and weird with the person he felt he could relate to, then where did he belong? Richie looked at Eddie right as he made a joke. Richie smiled brightly at Eddie, who gave him a weak smile and looked back at the gameboard. 

Richie had to give himself props. Even though he was mentally and physically exhausted from the night before, he could still put on a better mask than Eddie Kaspbrack. Richie couldnt help but side eye the guy next to him. What was going on in Eddies head? Richie wanted to apologize to Eddie for making him worry and stay up to look for his dumb ass but he couldnt find the words. After being interrogated by Bev and Ben, he didn't feel like being genuine or emotionally vulnerable anymore today. Putting on this mask was easier. 

He couldnt keep his mind off of Connor. Last night was fucked. Richie spread his hand to stretch the knuckles, nothing helping the ache. Everytime he would think about Henry clapping and saying those words, he felt a weight on his chest fast and hard. Richie had to look at one of his friends to change the subject of his thoughts.

Of course Richie didn't tell Ben and Bev about accidentally joining Henrys business. Well, not joining. That made it sound like he wanted to be there, like he had a say in the matter. 

Richie felt someone's eyes on him, he looked up at Ben. His face was warm and inviting. “Your turn, astronaut.” He held out the dice for Richie.

Richie took the dice, shook them in his hand and dropped them on the board, five. “Astronaut?” Richie starred at the game pieces. How was he so messed up he couldn't remember which piece was him?

Eddie’s hand glided over the board and moved the top hat five spaces. “You keep spacing out, Rich.” He took the dice for himself and rolled. 

Maybe Richie’s mask wasnt working as well as he hoped. “Sorry.” He said in a low voice. “Just tired.” He took his glasses off to rub his eyes, trying to sell the lie. Although, he could probably use some more z’s.

Eddie nodded his head but didn't say anything. Richie put his hand back on the ground to support himself. His pinky landed on Eddie’s. Call Richie an astronaut because this small act of affection sent Richie to the fucking moon. Yes, he did get hugs from Ben and Bev earlier but that didn't do shit compared to brushing pinkies with Eddie Kaspbrack. Richie dared a glance at Eddies face, was he blushing? 

Neither of the two moved for a few minutes. The game continued without skipping a beat. Beverly rolled for her turn and paid Ben property tax. Ben took his turn while talking about a building’s structure on the board. Richie took the dice with the hand not touching Eddie. He moved carefully so as not to move the other hand. This small act almost made Richie feel alive again. He was actually listening to his friends talk this time around. How pathetic? Richie craved the intimacy so bad he resorted to mooching it off of his friends. At this point, Richie didn't care. He had too much shit going on inside his head, he could handle the self loathing he would have later. 

Richie scooted the dice to Eddie. Eddie moved the hand that was touching Richies to pick up the dice. Eddie changed his position to cross his legs to sit. After his turn, Eddie kept his hands on his lap.

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie was staring at the gameboard. The other three looked at Eddie with slight confusion but Richie knew that Eddie was talking to him. Since Eddie's question was greeted with silence, he continued. “What are you going to do about…” Eddie side eyes Richie and motioned to his neck. 

Bev snorted. Ben tried to hide his smile with his hands. Richie's face got a little pink on the cheeks. Richie had pretty much forgotten those were there. “Uh…” he let out a nervous chuckle.

Eddie stuck his nose in the air, pretending to be a southern bell. “Because you look like utter trash, Charlotte! The people down at church are starting to talk.” Eddie's accent lacked luster but he tried, just to lighten Richies mood.

Richie smiled and puffed up his chest. “Oh, Betty! What ever will I do about the grapevine!” Richie put the back of his hand to his forehead and fell onto Eddie's lap. He felt oddly calm. “Word travels fast, I’m damaged goods!” Richie’s accent was not much better than Eddie’s which made the other two in the room laugh. Not because it was funny, but because it felt right.

Eddie pushed Richie off of his lap and he knocked into the game pieces. “Oh nice going, Richie!” Eddie huffed.

“You pushed me into it!” Richie picked up some scattered money and threw it in Eddie’s direction. 

“Hey! That was my money!” Ben laughed and stole some off of Richie’s stack of fake money. Meanwhile Bev is in awe as Eddie pushes Richie over and sits on Richie’s torso. Richie is laughing as Eddie tries to strangle him. “Alright, alright that's enough!” Ben fights to speak through his laughter. Ben stands up to pick Eddie off of Richie, but Richie grabbed Ben’s legs and he tumbled on top of the other two boys. Richie and Eddie start to wrestle Ben. 

“Fucking, dudes. I need to spend more time with Kay..” Bev watches in amazement and finds her way to sit on the couch to stay out of reach from the boys. 

Richie detangled himself from Eddie and Ben. He smiles brightly at Beverly. “One of us. One of us!” Richie wiggles his fingers at her as he slowly makes his way to the couch. 

Bev glares at him and starts to bring her legs closer to her, to make herself smaller. “Stay away from me, Richie.” At this point Eddie and Ben started to join Richie and chant ‘one of us.’. The three guys pounce on her and start to tickle her. Bev erupts in laughter and starts kicking the boys to get off. “Okay!” She gasps between giggles. “I’ll help-” Another breath. “With the hickies!” 

Richie stops tickling her. “Oh.” He was so caught up with the affection and just the whole fun part of this that he forgot-again. “How can you help with them?” 

Eddie and Ben stopped tickling Beverly, Eddie cuddled up next to Bev but she was still on defense mode. “Mrs. Hanscom’s makeup. I’m sure I could cover those up so you can go home.” She was breathing a little heavy from the giggle fit. 

“What about monopoly?” Eddie said as he looked at the scattered pieces on the ground. “I was winning.” 

Richie pushed his glasses up. “No you weren't, Ben was.” 

“Does it really matter?” Ben tried to stop the argument before it started. He got up and started cleaning the mess. 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I was winning..” He said under his breath as he got off the couch to help Ben clean up. 

“Ben, where does your mom keep the make up?” Bev relaxed and sat upright on the couch. 

After monopoly was cleaned, Ben took the group up to his mother's vanity. “She won't mind us using this stuff, she never does.” 

Bev’s face brightened seeing all the different shades of eyeshadow and lipsticks. She ran her hand over every bottle as if it was a precious gem. She spun around to face the boys, her smile was huge. “Hey…. do you guys love me?” 

Richie sat on the small bench in front of the mirror while Ben and Eddie took the bed. Richie started rooting through the drawers and picked up a dark orange nail polish. “Yeah, why-” Richie faced Bev with wide eyes. “Oh no..” 

Bev almost squealed with joy. “Yes, okay, yes. Makeovers please!” She faced all the boys. “You can even all work on my face.” 

The room was silent as the boys looked at each other. Bev hardly asks them to do shit like this, and it was in the comfort of Ben’s home. Nothing bad could happen. Plus they could make Beverly's face look ridiculous. 

Eddie raises his hand. “I don't want make up.” Bev deflates a little. “But…” Eddie eyes the bottle in Richie’s hand. “You can paint my toes?” 

Ben smiled uneasily. “Okay, yeah, why not?” Thatta, Ben. 

“I guess that means I’m in. But I get most creative control on Bev’s face.” Richie turned back to the drawer of nail polish. Why did someone need a full drawer of nail polish? And was Eddie really going to keep something so permanent as nail polish on? His mother watches him like a hawk, Richie couldnt think of a good excuse if Eddie got caught with that shit on his toes for his mother  _ not  _ to freak out. 

Bev silently celebrated her victory and started to work on Richie’s neck. She ended up having to mix three shades of concealer to get Richie’s color, even then it wasnt amazing. “Just make sure you don't get home while the suns up.” Bev shrugged and started looking at the eyeshadow. 

Richie didn't want to go home. Was that wrong of him? He was ashamed. Richie didn't want to see Connor after this. He was having too much fun being with these three dorks to go back to Connor, who was being stiff and cold towards him earlier. Richie really needed to get Connor alone, in a decent mood, to explain to him that Richie Tozier can't possibly sell weed. He hardly knew the different types or how to even casual say ‘would you like to buy my weed?’. Bev or Bill did most of the buying anyway, how does a dealer normally act? He’s watched Connor do it enough but never heard what he said. Richie huffed and leaned on the counter.

“Whats wrong, Richie?” Ben asked. All eyes were on him again.

Well he can't really tell them the truth, so he decided to bring up another topic on his mind. “What am I going to tell my parents?” Bev told Richie to take off his glasses and close his eyes as she started working. “I didn't go home last night…” God, was he a bad son? “They didn't know where I was.” 

“Did you call them when you got to Ben’s at least?” Eddie said in his usual matter-of-fact tone. As if Richie should have thought of that with everything else going on. Actually, why didn't Richie think of that, he was such a dumbass. 

Bev moved away to pick a new color. Richie opened his eyes, even though he couldnt see he still looked at the blob he thought was Eddie. “See, this is why you're the smart one and I’m the hot one.” 

Ben barked out a laugh. 

Richie could almost hear Eddie’s eye roll. 

“Close them!” Bev called. 

“Well how about you call them when you're done? If youre so nervous to head back, I’m sure mom will let you crash here for the night.” Ben said.

Richie waved his hand. “No, I couldnt ask you-” And even though he didn't want to, he couldnt just ditch Connor, could he? Bev held onto Richies shoulder and moved him to face her again. “I couldnt put you out like that.” 

“Richie, are you seriously saying that to me?” Ben laughed. 

“I'm not really sure who I'm saying anything to at the moment.” Richie gestured to his closed eyes.

“Just stay with Ben tonight.” Eddie sounded annoyed and something else but Richie couldnt put his finger on it. 

“Why-?” Richie started but Bev cut him off. 

Bev groaned. “Okay, Richie’s done since he won't stop moving.” She placed the glasses back on Richie’s face for him. “Eddie’s right, just stay here tonight. Call your parents. Tell them you've been here all night and you want to stay again. Your parents are pretty chill about shit like this, right?” She moved out of the way and let Richie look at himself all dolled up. Bev only put yellow faded to green eyeshadow with pink lipgloss on him, but damn did Richie feel cool. Richie wished he didn't live in a small town so he could wear sick eyeshadow all the time. 

Richie smiled at Bev. “Thanks, I look kickass.” 

She smiled back at him and gave him a hug. “Okay, get.” She shooed him off of the bench. “Ben’s turn!” 

Richie took Ben’s place on the bed, but a little closer to Eddie. He leaned over at Eddie and batted his eyelashes at him. “Don't you just want to take me out now?”

Eddie scoffed and tried to hide his smile through his words. “Yeah, to the trash.” Eddie nudged Richie away from his bubble. 

“What color do you want your toes, Eddie?” Bev said as she sorted through the polish. 

Eddie stood up and looked with her. It didn't take him long to find the color Richie was holding earlier and brought it back to the bed. “Don't worry, I won't make you touch my feet, Bev.” 

Bev gave a dramatic performance of a sigh of relief. “Alright, Benjamin, where to start…” 

Richie watched as Eddie took off his socks and shook the polish in his hand. “You do this often?” It was a genuine question. Richie helped paint his moms nails back in middle school to get a few extra bucks before. Eddie seemed to be doing all the right things.

“No. Never actually.” Eddie took the cap off and smelled the horrid stench. His face scrunched up. “Mom didn't let me in the room while she painted her nails. Said the chemicals would give me cancer.” Eddie shrugged, just another day in his life. 

Richie watched as Eddie painted half of his big toe, completely missing the nail. “Okay, stop.” Richie couldn't let Eddie waste that beautiful color. “Let me do it.” He held his hand out for the polish. 

Eddie moved away slightly. “Fuck you, I can do it.” He leaned over to try and recover the damage he already did on his toe. He groaned as he accidentally spilled some of the bottle onto his foot because he wasn't paying attention. 

“Are you all good over there?” Bev called over. 

Ben was turned in his seat, worry spread on his face. “Maybe the floor would be a better place than my mother's comforter?” 

Eddie slinked to the floor, careful not to get anything on the bed as he did so. “Shut up, Richie.” 

Richie threw his hands up. “I didn't say anything!” He laughed as he moved to the floor next to Eddie. He watched as Eddie struggled to paint his one foot but he got it eventually. Something about Eddie painting his toes seemed so overwhelming for Richie. The act was just too pure. Eddie’s stubbornness was also contributing to the hotness of this all. 

‘Hotness of it all’?

What the fuck did that mean? Richie looked away from Eddie. Fuck, okay. This was only happening because Connor didn't give Richie any affection earlier. But thats okay, because did Richie even deserve it at this point? He really fucked up last night. He probably embarrassed Connor. Punching Patrick and just walking straight into that trap house. Richie’s chest started to get tight again. He could faintly hear Bev and Ben talking as he got his makeup done. Richie couldnt freak out like this right now. He was having a good time. 

But did he deserve it? 

Richie quickly turned to face Eddie but before Richie could get a word out, Eddie asked, “Wan your toes painted?” Eddie’s face was gentle but his eyes seemed to be searching Richie’s for something. Did Eddie notice Richie spiraling? 

Richie put on his mask again and smiled at Eddie. “Alright, do it up, Kaspbrak.” 

Eddie had finished his first coat on his nails and capped the polish. “What color?” 

Richie propped his head on his hand which was propped on his knee. He slyly eyed the color Eddie was using. “You know…” He said in a cocky tone. “Orange is my favorite color.” 

Eddie looked back at the nail polish bottle for longer than he should. Was he thinking about something? What was there to think about? Was what Richie said wrong? 

After only two minutes but felt like ten, Eddie picked the bottle back up. “Okay, matching toes it is.” 

After Bev was finished with Ben, pink and purple eyeshadow and blush, the boys worked on Bev. Even though Richie planned on wrecking her face, the boys did a decent job. They didn't know how to properly blend or where blush shouldnt go, but still decent. It was all worth it for Bev to laugh when she saw her face. 

\-----

The phone call to home was something Richie didn't want to do. He didn't know what he was going to say to his parents about him missing for twenty four hours. But mostly, if Richie didn't show up at his house at ten, how was Connor going to react? Richie didn't want to lose Connor over this, he liked kissing too much. And more than that! His trail of thought got interrupted when his mother answered on the other end of the call. 

“Hello, Margret speaking.” 

Richie smiled into the phone. Why his mother answered every phone call like this, he would never understand, but its something he looked forward to everytime. “Hi, mom.” Richie could hear his mothers tone change with her exhaled sigh. “I’ve been at Ben’s. Sorry I didn't call earlier. I know dad told me to come home last night, its just-things got so late and no one wanted to be on the road long-and-so-” Richie was rambling. He felt bad about lying, usually his parents didn't care what he was up to, but usually Richie didn't get drunk in public and decide to beat up Henry Bowers. This just wasnt something he could casually say to his mother on the other line. 

“It’s fine, honey.” The two had a moment where neither of them spoke. Richie didn't know what to say, he was half expecting her to say this but it was still a little bit of a shock. “I just wished you wouldve called earlier. Your father was going to set up a group to go looking for you.” 

Richie’s eyes bugged out of his head at this news. “What! Ive been gone longer than this-!”

His mothers laughter lit up the line. “No, no, not because we were worried! He just wanted to embarrass you.” She giggled.

His parents were pretty cool, but what the fuck? “Oh.” Richie looked around Bens kitchen, it was yellow with painted white cabinets. “So.. you werent worried?” This was weird to hear. Richie liked having his freedom, but did his parents really not care?

“Oh, well, a bit yes. But you are almost eighteen. Your senior year starts up in about a week.” Richie could hear her drinking something. He glanced at the clock on the stove, it was nine, she was probably drinking her night wine. “We know you want to spend as much time with your friends before its all over!” Richie really did not want to hear that ever. Thinking about everyone going to different colleges and splitting up felt wrong. 

“Heh, right.” He said shortly. “Thanks for understanding.” Richie aimlessly kicked his leg at the wall. This called put him back in a down mood. Now he was sort of glad he wasnt going home. “I’m staying here again, okay?” 

“Sure, honey, but be sure to stop by and get clean clothes soon, alright? We also need to sit down as a family and figure out what schools your going to apply for-”

“‘Kay, love you, bye.” Richie hung up before his mother said anything back. Richie pinched his forearm to get out of this sour mood. His mother was right, school was soon, the beginning of the end. Richie didn't want to think about college or not having his friends around. What was Connor going to do? Richie mulled it over, they definitely never spoke about after high school. 

Beverly stood in the doorway leading into the kitchen. She knocked on the door frame and held out a white cloth to Richie. “You might want to take that off, youll break out if you sleep in it.” 

Richie walked straight up to Beverly and wrapped her in a hug. Richie was going to miss her.    
  
Bev tentatively hugged him back. “It’s just a make up wipe, not a new lung.” She laughed a little and hugged him tighter before pulling away. “Here, I had to help Ben, too.” She pushed Richies’ glasses up onto his head and began wiping the make up off of him. 

“Schools starting back up…” Was all he said. Richie didn't need to say anything else, he knew Bev would understand what he was getting at. 

Her hand paused ever so slightly while he spoke. Her face slacking a bit before bouncing back. “Let’s not talk about it now, okay? You look like a cheap whore and I can't take you seriously.” 

Richie pushed back his feelings, once again putting on his mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks for reading!  
> i have an idea for the next few chapters so im excited to write it out~  
> i realize i dont have a lot of mike or stan but i love those two so deeply i should write them in more smh  
> anyway i hope you have a good day, evening and night!  
> ily


	22. Chapter 22

Richie couldnt help his nerves when it turned eleven. He kept looking at the clock in the living room as Bev, Ben and Eddie watched a shitty TV movie. Connor wouldve went home by now, right? Since Richie wasnt home when Connor asked him to be, he wouldve left after an hour, right? As soon as the show went on a commercial break, Richie spoke for the first time since the clock turned ten. “Bev, can I bum another smoke?” 

Bev looked at her fake watch on her wrist, “Oh alright,” She sighed and got up. “But this is the last one!” 

Eddie stood up too. “Its almost time to get to the diner anyway. Can you walk and smoke, or is that too hard for you?” Eddie looked at Richie, tone playful, face dead serious. 

“I could see if mom will let me drive us?” Ben said and held up a paper he got from his wallet. “Learners permit!” 

The group walked out on the porch as they congratulated Ben. “I was going to mention it earlier, just couldnt find the right time.” 

Bev handed Richie a cigarette, Ben didn't want them smoking in his mothers car. Richie completely forgot about the diner tradition theyve been doing all summer. There, he could be with all his friends and apologize for beginning an idiot, although he's been doing that a lot over the past months. Richie really is lucky to still have friends. 

All four of them stood on the porch, smokers on the right, non smokers on the left. The air was cool and crisp. Even with school starting in a week, the air still felt like summer. Richie leaned his elbows on the railing and scanned the street aimlessly while his friends spoke behind him. 

“You think Stan had a good time tonight?” Beverly huffed out smoke.

Ben shook the car keys in his hand. “You said it best yourself, Bev.” Ben drew a heart in the air with his hands. “‘Heart eyes.’” He mimicked Bevs voice from last night. 

“Where does she go to school at again?” Eddie spoke but he didn't sound all that interested.

Bev shrugged. “Some private school we’re too poor to get into.” 

“Too dumb, in Eddie’s case.” Richie smiled to himself as Ben tried to cover his laugh.

Eddie huffed. “Youre so fucking lucky youre smoking that cancer stick, Richie, or else Id beat your ass.” 

Bev smiled wickedly as she reached over to Richie and snatched his cigarette out of his hands. “Hey-!” Richie stood up and spun around to face his friends again.

“Nothings stopping you now, Eddie.” Bev egged him on and nudged her head at Richie. 

Thats all Eddie needed, he swooped in and punched Richie hard on the upper arm. “Aw, fuck.” Richie grabbed at the landing site and turned as Eddie kept hitting him.

“Not so tough now, huh?” Eddie says through a smile.

Bev moves out of the way and tosses the cigarettes in the yard once she finished them. “Never a dull moment with these two.” 

Ben started for the car. “You started it! Eddie wouldve left it be for at least another minute. You just had to push him…” Ben shook his head in a fake disappointed parent would.

At this point, Richie started poking Eddie in the sides, his weak spot. Eddie would flinch and let out a harsh laugh every time Richie successfully poked him. “Knock it off!” A flinch. “Stop-AH-tickling-!” Eddie hit harder with each side poke but Richie didn't mind. Eddies laugh sounded like music to Richies ears. He couldnt help it.

Both boys were bent over, almost on the floor, from this impromptu fight. Laughing with some swears thrown in. This was nice, having Eddie around like this. Richie was worried about Eddie earlier, he seemed too quiet, not enough sass. But here he was, good as new. 

“Okay,” Bev called from the front seat of Bens mothers car. “Im bored. Lets go!” 

Both of them froze at Beverlys voice. “Bet I can beat you to the car!” Eddie said as he was already half way off the porch. 

But Richie was smarter, he jumped over the railing and met Eddie at the steps. 

“Oh my god…” Ben put his head in his hands. Why did he agree to drive these two?

Eddie and Richie both reach for the door handle closest to them. “I won!” They said in unison.

“Fuck you, I won, you cheated!” Richie pushed Eddie away from the door with his hip.

Eddie does the same thing with his hip, a genuine smile on his face. “I fucking hate you so much, youre such a child.” He started using his shoulder and elbow Richie in the face. 

“Guys!” Ben groaned. “Moms looking at you, come on!” 

Richie and Eddie both look back at the house, Ben was right. His mother was peering out at them from a window. Both boys wave at her. Eddie more of a shameful puppy wave. Richies an over excited wave. 

Eddie let go of the door handle first. “Shut up, Richie.” He said as he walked to the other side of the car to get in.

Richie huffed as he got in the car. “I didn't even say anything..”

Richie took the seat next to the window overlooking the parking lot. Eddie slid in next to Richie without a word. Ben and Bev took the other side of the booth as they waited for the others to arrive. 

Richie coughed to get the threes attention. “Hey so…” he stretched out the last word. “I don't really want to talk about what all happened last night..” Richie could feel the glare Eddie was giving him. “At least not here! Not tonight. Mind if we just gloss over it?” 

Before anyone could speak up, Bill, Mike and Stan came in. Their eyes landing on Richie in the corner. 

“He's alive.” Stan said as he stood next to Mike and Bill as they crowded around the occupied booth. 

Bill looked between Eddie and Richie, why he did that, Richie had no idea. But he didn't like it. It gave him the same feeling when his father would give him The Knowing Look. How could anyone tell Richie liked Eddie? Richie was so careful. 

“Rich! What happened?” Mike leaned over and rested his hand on Richies shoulder, a gesture meant to be comforting, but Richie didn't want that right now. He wanted to forget for one minute of his mistake last night.

Bill turned to Eddie. “Where d-did you find him?”

Richie had his hands on the table and all he could do was stare at them. Guess he can't get off this easily…

“A dumpster. Made the mistake of feeding it and now it won't leave me alone.” Eddie held up his hand as Bill tried to persist. “Can we do this some other day? Im tired.” Eddie and Bill locked eyes for a beat before Bill went to sit down in the other booth, the other boys followed his lead. 

The first ten minutes of the meet up was a little rocky. Clearly the others were confused and had a lot of questions for Richie and thats all they could think about. But once the waitress came over, the group got their groove back.

When she got to Eddie smiled down at him, who seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her. “Oh!” She said as she made a glance at Richie. “You found your friend?” Eddie’s face broke out in a soft pink and got darker as she kept talking. “Sorry about Martha last night, she's just a little,” she used her pen to draw a circle near her head. “Ya know?” She giggled to herself. “Do you want ice cream to celebrate?” She said after the silence Eddie gave her.

“Sure. Just vanilla.” Eddie gave her a small smile and went back to staring at the table. 

Did Eddie even like vanilla?

She tapped her pen on her note pad and left.

Beverly broke out in laughter. 

Eddie put his head in his hands and groaned. 

Richie looked around the tables, everyone else seems to look just as confused as Richie felt. “Uh, what was all that about?” 

“Nothing!” Eddie straightened about and shot a look at Bev. 

Richie wrapped his arm around Eddies neck and pulled him closer. “Do you and this Martha…” Richie asked loud enough to embarrass Eddie further. Because Richie didn't know what was going on but Eddie looked so adorable like this.

Eddie elbowed Richie in the gut just hard enough to get his point across. “Shut up!”

“Eddie and Martha sitting in a tree-!” Stan started singing.

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G-!” The rest of the group followed and laughed at their middle school humor.

Richie grabbed Eddie in a headlock again and dug his hand into Eddies skull. Eddie pushed him away but Richies arm stayed around Eddie.

“Hey, when are we supposed to pick up our class schedules again?” Ben asked as the group settled down.

Mike groaned. “I don't want to even think about it.” 

“Do we all want to meet up after and compare schedules?” Stan looked at everyone.

“Yeah, j-just like every other year,” Bill stole a fry from Mikes plate. ”W-why would this one be different?” 

“Oh, Stan!” Bev reached her hand out as if trying to grab at him even though shes at a completely other table. “Bring your camera!” 

“Sure, but we need more film.” Stan held out his hand. Everyone always pooled in money for things like film, weed, beer, food. 

Richie reached into his pocket, nothing. Of course, he didn't have a job so why would he have money. How was he supposed to pay for his food tonight? “Hey, can I get you some later?” He asked Stan. 

Before Stan answered, Eddie handed Stan four dollars. “For Richie and me.” 

Richie grin grew and pulled Eddie into a one arm hug. “Thanks, Spaghetti! I can always count on you.” 

Eddie’s nose got pink and shoved Richie away. Eddie scooped some of his melting ice cream. “Just for tonight, you can pay me back later.” Richie nodded and eyed Eddie’s bite of ice cream. He rolled his eyes and held it out to Richie, who happily let Eddie hold the spoon as he took the bite.

They fell into a mindless rhythm, Eddie took a bite, Eddie fed Richie a bite, while talking with the rest of the group. Stan had a nice time with his new friend Patty. She might transfer to Derry High, “not because of me! She actually just hates it there.” Stan said. Richie was happy for Stan. This Patty girl sounds like a good fit for his sensitive side. 

“When are we going to meet her?” Mike asks while paying for his bill. 

Ben moved forward in line.“Or at least see what she looks like.” 

“Shesh, guys.” Stan shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “Ive only known her for like a week..” 

“Yeah, but you won't stop talking about her!” Bev teased. 

“Didn't you say she's in a photography club at her school? Did a project with birds!” Mike nudged him and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“And Jewish. So Mr. and Mrs. Uris will love her already.” Richie shrugged. Stan stepped on Richie's foot. “Ow!”

Eddie took Richie’s bill out of his hand while he was occupied with Stan. But Richie didn't argue, he was going to leave without paying, hoping his friends wouldn't notice, so this is morally better. 

“How do you even know shes Jewish? I didn't tell you that.” Stan side eyed Richie.

Richie puffed out his chest. “It was just a guess.” 

One by one they file out of the diner. Bill, Ben, Bev, Mike, Stan, Richie, then Eddie last. The air was still warm tonight. Richie scanned the parking lot for either Mike’s or Stan’s car but froze when he saw another car he didn't expect. 

How could he have forgotten? Richie started biting the inside of his cheek. Eddie bumped into him, not realizing Richie stopped dead in his tracks. 

“What-?” Eddie said as he tried to look at what Richie saw but Richie looked away from the car. 

What should he do? What would he do if he walked over there, make up a lie? Maybe Richie could act like he didn't see the car. And just get in Mikes truck and go home.

Eddie stood right next to Richie, he could feel Eddie’s eyes on him. The others were standing around the car while Beverlly smoked a cigarette. Richie started moving slowly towards his friends but Eddie didn't move with him. 

Could he really just ignore this and head home? Maybe He didn't even see Richie come out of the diner. Maybe He was in the diner and didn't even see Richie there. Richie took in a breath and glanced back at the rusted car. What was this feeling inside him? Richie was still embarrassed about the night before and even the little fight they had in the car in the morning. He wished he had more time to think about what happened before talking to Connor again. Looked like that wasnt happening. Richie turned towards Connors car. 

“Rich…” Eddie said, Richie couldnt look at him. Eddie’s tone almost sounded disappointed. 

Connor rolled down the passenger window. No turning back now. He glanced at Eddie and put on a calm face. “Im just gonna say hi, go to the car.” Eddie didn't move. 

Richie leaned over to put his head in the passenger window. “Hey.” Richie’s anger didn't subside when he remembered what Connor’s face looked like. 

Connor didn't look at him, he was lighting a cigarette. “You weren't at your house.” he blew out some smoke. “Figured I’d find you here.” 

Richie nodded. What was he suppose to say to that. He glanced around the car, there was a small sunflower on the seat and a big duffle bag in the back. “Whats with the flower?” 

Connor looked past Richie before he spoke. They mustve been far enough away because Connor seemed to relax a bit. “For you.” He said with a sigh. Richie’s chest got tight. “I felt bad about this morning….” 

“Oh..” Was all Richie could say. Richie felt so bad for trying to avoid Connor all day now. “And the bag? You suppose to be delivering tonight?” 

Connor and Richie locked eyes. Poor Connor, he looked like a sad lost puppy. He held out the cigarette to Richie. “I was kind of hoping youd come on a trip with me.” 

Richie coughed as he blew out smoke. “Wh-what?” He stood up to breath better. He made the mistake of looking over at the losers. They were all watching them. Eddie was still left half way between Richie and the losers. He gave them a wave and turned back to Connor. “A trip? When? Where? Why?” 

“Tonight. Just a few towns away.” Connor lit himself another cigarette. “I already have the room paid for so can you just get in?” He sounded more desperate than annoyed. “Plus, now, we are like three hours behind schedule.” He glanced at Richie, who was smiling like an idiot. “Which is fine! We can just shuffle some things around. Make some edits for tomorrow's plan.” 

Richie let out a small giggle. “You planned a whole trip? Even scheduled what we were doing?” 

Connor rolled his eyes. “Will you shut up and just get in already?” Now he was annoyed and looked behind Richie. “The clan of dipshits keep staring at us.” 

Richie knitted his eyebrows together. “You mean my friends?” Connor just sucked his teeth. “You can't talk shit about my friends anymore, Connor. They are good people. Will you please just meet them already?” Richie was tired of the way Connor was avoiding Richie’s life. 

“I promise I’ll meet them at some point but not tonight.” Connor gestured to the flower. He looked so sincere. “But hurry the fuck up, I have to pay for this late check in.” 

Richie tapped the car door before jogging back to Eddie. His stomach was filled with butterflies. Connor planned an actual date for them. Out of this shitty town and away from Henry and anyone else that would disapprove. Richie couldnt lie, he was so excited to sleep in the hotel bed with Connor and not worry about someone barging in. “Hey, guess what!” Richie excitedly whispered to Eddie. He tried to ignore the slight worry on Eddie’s face. “Connor got us a room somewhere a few towns over!” Eddie stayed silent. “So…” Richie wanted to be happy but Eddie’s reaction was making him second guess it. “I’m leaving now.” 

“When will you be back?” Eddie let out a deep breath. 

“Um,” Richie rubbed the back of his head. “Probably tomorrow? I didn't really ask.” 

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Richie?” Eddie glanced back at Connors car. 

Richie could see the other losers walking over to them. “What, yeah, why not?” 

A car horn beeped and Richie turned to see that it was in fact Connor who did that. Eddie’s eyebrows scrunched. “What an asshole…” Eddie whispered, but Richie heard. 

“I’m sorry he did that. It’s just that- he wanted me to be home at ten- but like- now its a late night check in so-”

“E-everything okay, Rich?” Bill side eyed Connor’s car. 

“He’s going out of town with Connor for god knows how long or where.” Eddie said deadpanly. 

Richie smiled at the group. Why did Eddie say it like that? Shouldnt they be happy Connor is taking him out? That they are getting out of this town and having a space of their own? Richie hurried and hugged everyone and briskly walked back to Connor’s car before he had to talk anymore. His friends just wouldn't get it. Thats all it boils down too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i know no one is really reading this anymore but i had a weird urge to write this out  
> much love  
> stay safe


	23. Chapter 23

Connor’s hand hasnt left Richie’s since they drove past the ‘NOW LEAVING DERRY’ sign. Richie’s body buzzed with excitement. When was the last time he even left Derry? He couldn't remember and it didn't matter.

All the windows were down, the air rushed all around Richie making his hair whip around his head. The music was up blasting, the scene seemed chaotic but Richie couldn't be more at peace. Somehow, he felt like this is where he belonged. 

Connor turned down the music. “Fuck its cold!” He yelled as he put his window up. 

Richie moved the duffle bag in the back seat so he could roll up the back windows. “Oh, fuck..” 

Connor glanced back at Richie with a worried look. “What?” 

“No, no, its just..” Richie patted the bag. “I didn't bring any clothes. How long are we staying?” Richie did not want to smell revolting around Connor for obvious reasons. 

“A night, maybe two.” Connor waved his hand to dismiss Richie. “And those are your clothes.” 

Richie gave Connor a blank stare to the back of his head. Richie unzipped the bag and looked in. It was dark in the car but with the speeding streetlamps, he could tell that the raggy graphic t’s were indeed his. “How…?” Richie closed the bag back up and climbed back to the front. “How did you get my clothes?” 

Connor didn't speak, just looking boredly out the windshield. “Light me a cigarette, would you?” 

Richie started for the pack before stopping. “No.”

Connor let out a laugh. “What-no? What're you waiting for a ‘please’?”

Richie crossed his arms. “Well a ‘please’ wouldn't hurt. But, no. Not until you tell me how you got my clothes.” Connor didn't speak again. “This silence is leading me to one answer and I’m not sure I like it…” 

“Like you said,” Connor shrugged and put on a fake voice to make fun of Richie. “You know which window is mine.” 

Richie's mouth fell open. “You broke into-!” His voice sounded panicked. Richie was in disbelief. I mean, Connor is a Bowers but why the fuck would he do that? Why would Connor think that was okay? Now all RIchie could think of was if his parents caught Connor in RIchie's room with a duffle bag. Connor would be in jail by now. 

“I didn't break in.” Connor said in a drawn out ‘don't worry’ tone. 

Richie’s heart felt like it stopped. “Did you…” His voice small now. “Meet my parents?” Richie didn't know what couldve been worse. Connor breaking in or knocking on his front door. 

Connor gagged. “God, no. Okay maybe I did ‘break in’ through your window and grabbed some of your shit. Is that so wrong?” 

Richie rubbed his face. Now he needed a cigarette. “I think it is, yes.” He lit two cigarettes and gave one to Connor. “Lets not break into each other's houses? Do I really need to tell you that?” 

Connor yanked the cigarette out of Richie’s hand. “Well if you were there, I wouldn't have had to do it.” 

Richie leaned lower in his seat, that was a low blow. “I’m sorry, alright? I lost track of time.” He lifted the cigarette to his mouth. “I forgot.” He shrugged as he sucked in the smoke. Richie didn't want to ruin this trip before they even got to the hotel. And he really was sorry, after seeing Connor with that sunflower.

“Which was it? You forgot, or lost track of time?” Connor was glaring at the road. Which Richie was thankful for. He didn't want Connor to ever make that face at him. 

Richie almost felt like he got caught in a lie with a parent. “Lost track of the time…” He scoot back up right to turn more towards Connor. “When I got to Ben’s, Beverly was there and I kinda… was a dick to her the night before and then Eddie came over and we just bullshitted and went to the diner. I just got sucked up being with them.” That wasn't a total lie, he did get sucked up with his friends, hence why he didn't want to go home to see Connor. Who Richie thought was still upset with him at the time. “I’m sorry, I really am.” 

Connor stayed silent as he turned onto an exit. He didn't speak until he finished his cigarette. “Is he the reason you didn't show up?”   
  
Richie was looking out his own window as the time passed and had to turn to look at him again, surprised he finally spoke. “What?” 

Connor rolled his eyes. “The one giving you eyes at the diner. The one  _ feeding _ you.” His voice was calm and matter of fact but Richie could hear the underlying anger.

Richie was thankful it was so dark out. He could feel his face getting hot. “Oh, you…” He coughed. Connor saw that? Seeing Connor react this way about Eddie feeding Richie ice cream made the act seem less innocent than it felt. “God, no, that-that was just Eddie.” How long was Connor watching them in the diner? 

“Kaspbrak?” Richie nodded. “Didn't Henry break his arm when he was 13?” His tone sounded almost smug. 

“Yeah.” Richie got mad just thinking about that summer. “Henry fucked with all of us all the time. Surprised you werent there with them.” Richie didn't mean for the last part to come out of his mouth. This trip is turning into a shit show. 

“I visit my dad during the summers.” Was all Connor said back. 

Did Connor ever mention a dad? Richie just thought Connors dad ran off on him. “Visit him? Where?”    
  


Connor shrugged. He didn't seem as tense as before. “Wherever he was staying at that point. Mostly some town in California.” 

“Why didn't you go this year?” 

Connor shifted in his seat, uncomfortable by the question. “Well, I helped mom move in with…” Connor trailed off and glanced at Richie. “And, you know…” He took his hand off the wheel and gestured towards Richie. 

Richie broke out into a wide goofy smile and pointed back at himself. ‘Me?’ Richie mouthed at Connor, who turned his head away from Richie as his ears got red. Richie giggled. He was glad the car atmosphere turned back into something playful and light. He was also enjoying the forwardness Connor was giving him. 

“Aw, fuck. Don't let that go to your head.” Connor groaned. 

“Too late, Connor. You’ve swoon me.” Richie leaned over and pecked Connor on the cheek. 

Connor’s ears went red again and he smiled. The car turned into the hotel parking lot. RIchie hadnt even realised they were off the highway. The hotel wasnt too big but wasnt a motel either. Richie grabbed for Connors hand but Connor pulled away from him to park the car in front of the hotel lobby. “Wait here, I told them it was just me.” He leaned over and grabbed his wallet from the glovebox. “I’ll come back out to park and sneak you in.” Connor gave Richie a kiss before getting out of the car. 

Richie carried the duffle bag with his clothes in it while Connor carried two of his own. They half ran and half walked hand in hand down the hotel corridors. Their hands werent locked, just ever so lightly touching, in case someone would come out of their rooms at four in the morning. 

Connor rounded the corner, pulling Richie behind him and stopped at room 310. “Here.” Connor whispered to Richie and handed him a keycard. “Two keys.” Connor slid the key into the door and with a loud click, the door opened. 

Once the door was shut, Richie dropped the bag by the door and took his shoes off. This room was really fancy for being a room Connor bought with his own money. The wall was an ugly tan color with decorative swirls all over it. The carpet was the same color but stripped. Richie popped his head into the bathroom, since it was the closest thing to the door. It was all white with a clear standing shower and a deep sink. Full stocked with all the soaps and towels theyd need. From the other side of the room, Richie could hear Connor flop on the bed. “I know you have a schedule, but can we just go to sleep?” Richie called as he left the bathroom but he stopped short once he saw the bed. 

One, huge california king sized bed sat in between two bedside tables with lamps. The bedspread was a bright, royal purple with an accent pillow to match the walls. A TV sat on a table on the end of the bed. But who gave a shit about all that? There was only one bed. Why was Richie so surprised by this, wasnt he the one fantasizing about this in the car just an hour before?

Conor rolled over to face Richie. “Something wrong?” 

Richie bit his lip and smiled. “Nope.” 

Connor gave him a sly smile and nudged his head to the bed. “Then get over here.” 

The two laid entangled in the sheets. An hour has passed, now five in the morning and the lights were still blaring in the room. Richie was in and out of sleep. Thinking about how just last night, in Connor’s room, Richie wanted nothing more than to sleep next to Connor. And tonight, he finally got that. No intrusions, no former obligations or distractions. Just the two of them. 

Connor shifted under Richie and tried to sit up. He poked Richie on the neck and smiled to himself. “So what did you tell people about those marks?” 

Richie rolled off of Connor so he could get up. “Uh.. What do you mean?” 

Connor wrapped his lower half with an extra blanket from the bed and stood at the foot of the bed, in front of the TV stand. “Like, what did you tell them?” He looked at Richie like he asked what water was. “Clearly your friends had to have asked, they're kinda dark.” Connor winked at him and moved closer to the bathroom. “Who’d you say gave them to you?”

Richie stretched, trying to avoid eye contact with Connor. He didn't lie to his friends about these marks, they knew what they meant as soon as they saw them. Richie yawned to try and stall longer. Would Connor freak out if Richie told him the truth? Connor didn't even want to meet Richie friends, he couldnt imagine telling Connor that they already knew about the two of them. 

  
“Hello, earth to Richie.” He tossed a pillow at Richie’s head. 

“Heh, I mean-” Richie reached over to his side of the bed for his glasses. “They didn't really ask..” Wasnt a lie either, they just assumed.

Connor’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? They didn't say shit about it?” Connor shakes his head and starts to the bathroom. “I shouldve made more then.” he calls out to Richie. 

“I think its best to keep them to a minimum.” Richie starfishes on the bed, the bed is so big his arms and legs don't touch the ends of it. Could Richie just stay here forever? Wrapped up in this fluffy blanket with a guy beside him sounded close to Richie’s heaven. 

Connor comes out of the bathroom and shuts off the lights. The TV is playing something quietly as Connor crawls over to Richie on the bed. The light glow of the TV illuminating Connor’s curls and features as he hovers over Richie. “Can we sleep now?” He asked as his hand took Richie’s glasses off again. 

“Yes, please.” 

Richie was happy to find out that Connor didn't mind that Richie was a cuddler. It was easy curling up next to Connor in bed, Richie half expected Connor to push Richie away. Now that thought seemed rude and prejudged. 

“Free breakfast ends at ten.” Connor says in a dream like way. “But we don't have to be up and ready until noon at the latest to stay on schedule.” 

Richie hums in response and falls blissfully asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is kinda short  
> just wanted to get this part out of the way ig??  
> anyway goodnight   
> ily <3


	24. Chapter 24

Richie woke up to an empty bed. He stretched and looked at the alarm clock on Connors side of the bed, 10:30am. His stomach growled as he realized he missed the free breakfast. He reached for his glasses to put them on. Now that everything was clear he looked around the room for a sign of life. Where was Connor? Richie was half expecting this to be a dream but here he woke, no Connor. 

Richie got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. Still no Connor. Richie decided to take a shower before Connor got back. Richie could tell he was getting ripe and his hair was visibly greasy. 

As he showered he thought of his friends. What would they be doing right now? As he rinsed his hair he remembered their faces when he left them in the parking lot. Their faces seemed so… distant? Like they didn't want Richie to go in Connors car. And what was with Eddie’s attitude about the whole situation? 

As he thought of Eddie, Richie remembered getting fed ice cream. Was that so bad? Could Connor really get mad at Richie for that? Thats just how Richie and Eddie are with each other. 

At that thought, Richie paused his movements. Richie always thought that the way he and Eddie acted were normal for best friends but now… now he was realizing that Richie doesnt do half the stuff he does with Eddie with the other losers. He tells Eddie everything first, then the group, even if its as dumb as a new high score. Eddie doesnt feed any of their other friends either. And did Connor say Eddie was “giving Richie eyes”. What did that even mean? 

Richie heard a door slam to take him away from his thoughts. Connor must be back from where evere he went, Richie better hurry out of the shower. As he rubbed conditioner in his hair, he heard Connor talking. Richie turned his head to the door, he sounded so close. Richie could see a blob standing at the door, but with the foggy, watered up glass, he couldnt make out the face. “Hello?” He said as he tried to cover up as much as one could in a glass shower. Richie’s heart sped up. ‘Please leave. Please leave.’ Richie thought. Why was this so embarrassing? It’s not like this would be the first time Connor saw Richie like this. 

“Shit sorry-!” Connor turned away from the shower. Richie could tell in his voice he felt the same way Richie did. “C-come out when you’re done, got a surprise!” He called over his shoulder and then shut the door as he left. 

Richie let out a sigh of relief. Get a grip, Richie. You just spent the night with that guy and youre getting a little bashful over a shower? Richie slapped his cheek and finished cleaning himself.

As he walked out of the bathroom, fully dressed, he saw a plethora of breakfast foods. Tiny boxes of cereal, toast, bagels, orange juice in the tiny containers you'd get at the school cafeteria. “Where-?”

Connor smiled wide, his hands still pulling out food from a duffle bag and placing it on the bed. “They said I was too late to get breakfast.” He mocked the employee. “Psh, yeah right. They just had all of this on a cart in the kitchen!” He put down a plate wrapped in foil. Richie could already smell the syrup. “Sit, eat!”

Richie happily grabbed a cheerios box and started pouring it down his throat. Connor tossed him a milk carton, Richie drank it after the cereal. “You just walked back in the kitchen and loaded up this duffle bag? What was the thought process behind this. Whyd you carry the duffle bag down anyway?” It seemed odd to Richie that Connor would have an empty bag on this trip. He took a glance around the room and it didn't look like he unpacked anything to use the bag. 

Connor shrugged. “I don't know.” He handed Richie a fork and the plate of waffles. “But arent you glad I did?” 

After they finished the copious amount of food, Connor got up off the bed. “Okay, now the schedule starts. We are…” He checks his wrist for an invisible watch. “About five hours behind it but i think we can fit everything in but we gotta go right… now!” He grabbed Richies hand and pulled him off the bed with a force that made Richie bump into him a bit. Connors ears got red and he stepped aside and let go of Richies hand. “Its just across the street, you got your room key?” 

Richie patted his pockets. He didn't know where he put the room key last night, so much had happened. He scanned the table with the tv but it was empty except for some cups. He started to panic a little, he didn't want Connor to be mad at him for this. 

Connor pointed to the bedside table. “Right there, dummy.” 

Richie gave an awkward chuckle in response and grabbed the key and headed for the door. 

The two kept their distance as they walked down to the lobby. It was weird for Richie, just last night they were holding hands down the halls and cuddling up in the bed but now its like all that didn't exist.

As they walked out of the double doors, Richie immediately saw where they were going. His face lit up and he punched the air. “Yes! Seriously, how did I not see this last night?” Connor returned the smile as they ran across the street to the arcade. 

This arcade was updated more recently than the one back in Derry. The carpet was still a familiar neon swirl and starbursts. There were a ton of games Richie has never played but heard of while working at the arcade. The smell of this place almost matched the one he used to work at. Damn Richie missed his job. 

Connor nudged Richie. “Come on,” He pulled out a stack of money from his wallet and handed Richie a twenty. “We only get three-ish hours here before dinner.” 

Richie’s eyebrows went up in a question but didn't want to waste time. He went straight for the token machine. He had to stuff the tokens in his pocket and prayed they didn't weigh down his shorts too much that they fall off. As he waited for Connor to get all of his tokens, he looked around once again, taking it all. This place had to have at least fifty different games to play, and maybe twenty more that arent video games. How was he meant to get his fill with only three hours? Richie would need at least a week to master them. 

Connor leaned close to Richie’s ear. “I wanna show you something.” He half whispered which sent a chill down Richie’s spine. Connor leads Richie around the place, like he’s been here before. The place was kinda busy for being a Tuesday the week before school started. All the kids trying to get their last fun in before their doom. Connor paused and turned to face Richie with a small smile on his face. He gestured to the game to the left of them. “I had to call around to three different arcades just to find this for you.” 

Richie had to really fight the urge to kiss Connor right in the open. “Connor…” Richie breathed out as he immediately went to put tokens in it. He was so excited to finally play Street Fighter again he had nothing to say. 

Connor smiled and walked beside Richie. “Check out this high score.” Richie looked, it was lower than what he had back in Derry. He wondered if anyone beat Connors high score yet. “We could totally beat that.” He put a token in for player two. “Well..  _ I  _ could beat it.” 

Richie punched Connor’s arm playfully. “I’m so kicking your ass this time.” 

While the two played Street Fighter for an hour, taking turns winning rounds, Connor kept looking around the place. Richie just took this as Connor being worried for people to see them in public. But they were in a big town two hours away from Derry, they didn't have to worry. But Richie kept this to himself. They already beat the previous high score and put R&C. It was weird that that was the only public record of Connor and Richie being together. But it seemed fitting. Some high score on Street Fighter in a random town where R&C didn't mean anything to anyone except them. It was nice. 

“Do you have plans for after high school?” Richie asked Connor as he took a solo round. 

“Uh…” Connor scrunched his face up in concentration. “Not really.”   
  
“Yeah,” Richie leaned on the side of the game. “My mom wants me to stay in Maine.” Richie made a gagging sound. 

Connor glanced over at Richie, now with what seemed like a worried look. “You don't plan on staying here?” 

Richie blew a raspberry and put a thumbs down. “Fuck no. Bev’s going to F.I.D.M in San Diego though, was thinking of going somewhere nearby. Maybe get a place with her or something.” 

“California, huh?”

Richie nodded, not paying attention to Connors worried tone. “But, like, everyone else is applying to places in the east. And I would  _ so  _ go with one of them but I don't want Bev to be all alone.” 

Connor got knocked out and ignored his game. “But what do you want to do?” 

“Huh?” Richie rubbed his eye under his glasses. “I just said-” 

“No, you said you didn't want Beaverly to be alone in San Diego while she goes to a college she chose.” 

Richie grimaced. “Don’t call her that.”

Connor threw up his hands. “Why not just stay in Derry.” 

Richie sunk down to sit on the floor. “Werent you listening? The losers are moving, there will be nothing there for me.” Richie made a note to cut his tongue out next chance he got. 

Connors raised his eyebrows and nodded. Richie stood up. “No, Connor-” He was trying to think of a way to back track or make this better. But how could he do that when he applied that Connor wasnt worth staying in Derry for. 

Connor didn't look at him and shook his head. “It’s okay. No, really, I get it.” He held up a token to Richie and forced a smile on his face. “Wanna verse again?” 

Richie dropped the topic and they went back to normal.

As they finally got their fill of Street Fighter, more like an employee had to ask them to stop hogging the game, they wandered around looking for another game to spark their interest. Instead, they stopped at the concession stand. “Hey,” Richie said as Connor stood in line for a slushie. “We’re going home tonight right?” 

Connor looked at the ground. “Not sure.” He looked back up at Richie, did he look upset? “Do you want to go already?” 

Richie’s eyes widened and shook his hands. “No! Thats not it!” He shuffled his feet. “ I just meant like, we need to pick up our schedules tomorrow, for school, ya know?” God, Richie sounded like such a dweeb around Connor. Even though they just hashed out something about school, Richie couldnt help but worry in the back of his mind that they wouldn't be back in time to pick them up. Then what? He couldnt compare schedules with the losers like he did every year. He didn't want to miss that for his last year. 

“Oh.” Was all Connor said before turning and picking up his slushie from the pick up window. 

The lack of an answer to Richie’s question was driving him crazy. Why was Connor always like this? Avoiding Richie’s questions, avoiding Richie’s friends. Just showing up out of nowhere to take Richie somewhere he didn't know but still doesn't answer questions? Richie always did whatever made Connor comfortable. He knew how Connor’s home life was, he didn't want to be anything negative to Connor, but this was getting tiring. It still didn't sit right with Richie that Connor just freely broke into his house to grab clothes for him before Richie even agreed to going. Thinking about it now, it always seemed like Connor knew that Richie would agree with whatever he said. Even about joining this bullshit group. 

As Richie thought, he followed Connor blindly, again, around the arcade. Connors eyes were darting back and forth. Was Richie really that embarrassing to be seen with? That Connor has to be constantly watching for other people. Richie wanted to go back to the hotel. He was tired of feeling like an embarrassment but also was tired of being out of the know. 

“Connor, let’s go.” Richie said with lackluster. Richie knew he put himself in this bad mood and didn't really want to ruin Connor’s time, but he really wanted to lay down and be themselves again. 

Connor almost choked on his slushie. “What?” Connor gestured his slushie around the place. “This was for you. And now you want to go?” Richie wouldn't look Connor in the eyes and just stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You know, I knew youve been upset about getting fired from the arcade.” Richie still wondered how Connor knew that. “So what do I do? I call around, find a hotel  _ right  _ across the street from _ our _ favorite game, just so you can be a piss baby,” Richie rolled his eyes. “And want to go?” 

Richie finally looked back at Connor. His face was scrunched up in complete annoyance. Richie hated how Connors face looked at him. He knew what he was feeling was valid but how could he tell Connor this without hurting his feelings? Richie opened his mouth to speak but Connor looked behind Richie and his face went blank. 

“Shit-” Connor said to himself. He straightened out and stepped behind a machine. “They’re way to fucking early…” Richie took a step closer to Connor. His eyes were a little wide, looking stressed. A beat later, Connor shoved his slushie and tokens at Richie. “Here, take these. You still have the room key?” 

Richie glanced to where he thought Connor was looking at before, but he didn't see anyone he knew. “Connor, whats going on?” 

“Just go to the room, I’ll be back-” 

“No.” Richie spat. “What the fuck is going on?” 

Connor rolled his eyes. “Tozier, now is not the time-” 

  
  
Richie squared his shoulders. “Oh, I’m back to being ‘Tozier’ now?” That one stung. Richie was hoping to hear Connor call him nothing but Richie while being away. Connor only seemed to use Richies last name when Connor thought someone incriminating could hear them together. 

Connor’s face didn't lighten up. “Stop interrupting me.” He said in such a stern, intimidating voice that Richie did not want to hear ever again. Connor walked around the machine, looking around for ‘Them’. Without another word, Connor walked off to the bathroom. Richie watched as three grown men with a duffel bag walked in after Connor. 

Seething with anger, Richie’s feet started walking before his brain had a chance to decide. But as he got closer to the bathroom, his heart started pounding with fear. This couldnt possibly be what Richie thought it was, right? Connor wouldn't bring Richie to something like this would he? Connor wouldn't disguise this date trip for…

Richie didn't even bother trying to open the door, if this was what Richie thought, they wouldve blocked the door so some random kid didn't waltz right in during a deal. But Richie did put his ear right up against the door, trying to not think about what Eddie would say about the germs in this place. 

At first Richie couldnt hear anything but the shaking of the slushie in his own hand. He couldnt tell if the shaking was from anger or nerves but either way he wanted it to stop. This surely coudlnt be happening. Was this the reason Connor was looking around the whole time? Richie felt so stupid for thinking it was because Connor was embarressed of him. And then he started a fight with Connor for no reason all because Richie hurt his own damn feelings. 

Richie finally heard a shuffle on the other side of the door. He could hear some mumbling. 

“Butch having kids do his pick ups now?” Isnt that Henrys dads nickname?

“He do that to your mug?” Richie couldnt hear Connor, only the men's voice.

“Alright, alright. No need for the teenage attitude.” 

Richie chewed on his lip as he willed this to be over with. He didn't like the idea of Connor being alone in there with these big ugly looking guys that apparently knew Butch Bowers. Not that Richie could contribute to the discussion at hand in there but it would make him feel better at least being able to see Connor. 

“I don't care what Butch says. I don't work for him.” This guy started to sound annoyed. 

“Kid, shut up. Alright? This is what we got. Tell Butch, tell em I says, next time dont send a fucking kid.” 

Richie heard more shuffling and decided this was the time to move out from behind the door. He scurried behind a machine as he watched the men in sweatpants and greasy hoodies walk out from the bathroom and immediately leave the building. 

Richie left the slushie on top of the machine and headed for the bathroom. He needed to see Connor. Right before he could open the door, Connor opened it from the other side. They stood there looking at each other. Who was this person standing in front of him? Connor had the duffle bag around his torso but his demeanor was off. 

“I told you to go back to the room.” Connor’s voice was in pain. Richie could tell that Connor was trying to hide this part of the trip from Richie since the beginning. 

“What’s in the bag.” It was more of a demand than a question. No more hiding.

Connor’s body was stiff, even in his movements. He grabbed Richie’s wrist and started pulling him towards the exit. The grip on Richie’s wrist was tight. Richie tried to silently pull his wrist free, but Connor only held it harder. At this, Richie started to get scared. He started feeling alone and afraid, just like that day Connor punched him. And now, as they crossed the street, Richie couldnt help as his eyes started to sting with tears. He twisted his wrist in Connor’s hand again but all that it did was give Richie a burn. Richie found his voice again as they climbed the steps in the hotel back to their room. 

“Connor,” Richie could hear his own quiver in his voice. “Please..” At this Connor let go of Richies wrist. Richie wiped the one tear that finally fell and then held his bad wrist with his other hand. 

Connor kept walking. Richie thought about not following, but where would he go? So he continued up, staying a few steps behind just in case.

Richie shut the door behind him ever so gently. He didn't know what would set Connor off. Richie stood at the door for a few minutes. He was trying to collect his thoughts and feelings before facing Connor again. 

There was so much for Richie to think about that his head was blank. He didn't know where to start. Was it how Connor lied to Richie about the real meaning behind the trip, or should it be that Connor royally fucked Richie’s wrist to the point it hurt to move. Richie closed his eyes tight. He didn't want to cry in front of Connor. He wanted to be calm and level headed, but who was Richie kidding? Richie had never nor will ever be calm or level headed. He counted to ten as he breathed in and out, exercises he picked up from Eddie. Richie looked down at his wrist. It was bright red and no doubt will bruise from this. With one more deep breath, Richie walked slowly to Connor, who he hasnt heard anything from since he got back to the hotel. 

Connor was sitting on the bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. Richie glanced at the duffle bag from the arcade sitting next to a bent over, silent Connor. Without thinking, Richie walked over to it and looked inside.

Hand guns. At least six of them. And boxes of bullets to match. Richie immediately dropped the bag back on the bed and stepped away from it. Richie did not have time to process all of this. 

His head was getting foggy, he walked back to his side of the bed and sat down, staring out the window. He chewed his lip so much that within minutes, it started to bleed. Richie didn't stop though. 

Richie finally heard Connor softly crying. But Richie didn't move to comfort him. Instead he crawled into bed and laid on his back.

What the fuck was going on. Richie tried to connect the first meeting with Connor to now. How did all of this add up? The first month was nothing like this. Nothing to do with guns or Butch Bowers. Just smoking weed and hooking up. Thats all Richie really wanted. He didn't want this, he didn't ask for this. 

Connor silently kicked his shoes off and climbed in next to Richie. At first, Connor laid the same as Richie. But after a moment, he curled up to him. Connor started softly crying again. 

Now Richie felt stuck. He did want to be a safe place for Connor but this was well over Richie’s pay grade. At this point, he couldnt even feel bad for Connor. He just wanted Eddie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss eddie too richie :/  
> i have a spotify playlist i listen to while writing if anyone is interested? its a mix of songs i think richie would listen, songs that remind me of this version of richie, connor/richie, eddie/richie or just songs i like! (and yes i did get the title for this from that song): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7kjVmmYbUYyEeGUsV3Yuv6?si=kl31qeSjQLSN4IDUN08jhQ


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god they canceled ianowt   
> this has nothing to do with this chapter im just upset about it

Richie woke up confused, he didn't realize he fell asleep. He felt a weight on him and pulled his arm out from under it. He opened his eyes to see Connor also slowly waking from the unplanned nap. Reality came crashing back to Richie as his feet brushed the duffel bag that was left on the bed. Richie flinched away from it as he sat back up. His glasses were still on his face and the sun was still shining outside the window. 

Connor sat up fast, once he realized they fell asleep, and almost pounced on the alarm clock. He let out a deep sigh and set the clock gently back down. “It was only an hour…” Connor’s back was to Richie and he glanced over his shoulder to see Richie’s reaction. 

But Richie didn't have one. He stayed sitting up in the bed, staring out the window that overlooked the guest parking. Richie was drained of whatever little emotion he had left. 

“We should start heading out..” Connor stood as he spoke, so unsure of himself after the interaction with the men. Or perhaps Connor was uneasy of the silent Richie. 

Richie could feel the scab on his lip already. It was swollen and sore. He moved to chewing the inside of his cheek instead. He doesnt know where or when he picked up this soothing chewing habit but he didn't plan on stopping it any time soon. He still had a two hour drive with Connor after all. 

The boys danced around each other as they picked up their clothes from the night before. It didn't take long for them to pack considering they were only there for about ten hours. 

Richie could feel Connor glancing at him every so often while they walked to the elevator. Connor seemed to carry the bag of guns with such ease. As they stood in the elevator, Connor took the front right corner, Richie took the back left. The music was almost comical with the scene in the box. Richie had to keep forcing his eyes to stay focused. 

He followed behind Connor as he walked to the front desk. “Excuse me.” Connor called over to the lady with her back to them. She checked the watch on her wrist before turning around to flash Connor a wide smile. “I need to check out.” he sounded tired. Richie couldnt blame him. 

“Okay! Can I have the last name on the card you're paying with?” She flipped through some papers on the table.

“Bowers.” Connor shouldered the duffel bags again. He only had two with him. The empty one shoved in the one with the bullets.

“Oscar?” As she took a look at Connor, she almost looked like she was going to argue. But decided against it once Connor nodded his head. “Well Mr. Bowers, it looks like you still have this room for another three nights. Are you sure you want to check out now?” 

‘Holy shit.’ Richie thought. Connor booked this for four whole nights right before school? Richie looked at the back of Connors head. But was that for the date trip or the deal trip. 

Connor nodded his head yes. The employee and Connor locked eyes. Her once cheery demeanor is completely gone now. “Seriously? You won't get this money back.” 

“Lets go lady I need to get home.” Connor gave her the same tone back. 

She rolled her eyes and mumbled under her breath about ‘fucking kids’ and then they were free to go. 

Once Connor shoved his bags in the back seat, they headed back on the road. Richie kept his bag on his lap, he couldn't wait to be home. Which is something he never thought he would yearn for. His parents, his bed. The clock on the dash read three thirty which meant he would get home at about six. Perfect time to eat dinner with his parents. Richie craved the normality of his family dynamic so much that he played with the idea of sitting down with his parents and picking colleges to apply to after he took the SATs. Something his mother was pleading with him to do since junior year. 

Connor fidgeted in the driver seat. Theyve only been on the road for thirty minutes and he turned the radio on and off about five times. In a normal state, that wouldve drove Richie crazy. But right now, he hardly noticed. “Hey, um..” Connor said once he turned the radio off again. His voice was careful. “Could you light me a cigarette?” 

Richie didn't move. He just slouched in his seat further. Why would he do anything Connor asked? Even if it was something as simple as that. Not after this. Not again. 

Connor tightened his hands on the wheel and straightened his back. “Alright.” He coughed, it sounded forced, as he reached in the glove box for his pack and lighter. On the way back, his arm brushed Richie’s leg. Just like the first time Richie sat in this very seat, except this time, Richie felt nothing. “Sorry..” Connor said. He held the pack out to Richie, who declined by ignoring the gesture.

Another thirty minutes passed. Connor chain smoked the rest of his pack and threw it in the back of his car. “Richie.” Connor kept looking at Richie. His voice pleading. “Please, Richie. Say something.” 

Richie had to switch the cheek he chewed on because the first one was starting to feel rough. He finally locked eyes with Connor. God, Connor looked so pathetic. Why did Richie still want to help him. This was torture. 

“Listen-okay-look-I-” Connor hit the back of his head off of the headrest. “I need you to say something. I’m-I’m sort of freaking out.” He ran his left hand through his hair. “I can't have you shut me out like this. Youre like-fuck- I don't know?” He was speaking fast and jumbled words together. A state Richie has never seen Connor in. “You're like my life boat. And-and fucking Uncle Butch and fucking Henry and that fucking house is-is- like a deep dark treacherous unforgiving ocean and sometimes I need my fucking life boat.” Connor put both hands back on the wheel and gripped hard. He wouldn't look at Richie. “And I'm so... so fucking sorry for bringing you into my sea.” 

Richie watched Connor as he desperately wiped the silent tears that fell down his face. Richie kept his eyes on Connor, still not knowing what to say to that. In a weird way, Richie understood what Connor was saying. But that didn't make what Connor did to Richie any easier to forgive. 

Connor would whimper out “Fuck, I’m an idiot.” and “I’m so sorry, Richie.” over and over like a broken record. 

Richie was actually immune to Connor’s crying this time around. He didn't feel sorry for Connor, but Richie wasnt really feeling a lot at all. “Answer some questions?” Richie croaked out. Not talking for a few hours really does something to your voice. 

Connor sat up a bit at Richie’s first words. “Yes.” Connor sniffed. 

Richie looked around the graffiti on the dashboard. Of course he’s practically had it mesmerized by now. He finally had Connor where he wanted him. But where to start. “This trip. Why was it really planned?” 

Connor started biting his nails before he answered. “To pick up that bag.” Richie closed his eyes. Of course he knew this would be the answer but it still wasnt easy to hear. “But! But I really did call around to find the perfect hotel and arcade with Street Fighter for you. I did want this to be a date before school-”   
  
“Is that why it was booked for four nights?” Richie turned in his seat to face Connor more. Ignoring the butterflies in his stomach when Connor called this a date.

Connor started to shake his head yes but as soon as he looked in Richie’s eyes he stopped. “No. We were not sure when those guys were going to show up. Henry booked it for the four just in case.” 

Richie nodded his head as if any of this made sense to him. “So when you said you scheduled everything out for us it was really because of those guys?” This whole trip was a lie and those butterflies turned sick real fast.

Connor nodded his head. “We had certain pick up time and places to meet one another at.” 

Richie remembered their breakfast. “Is that why you had the duffel bag this morning?” Connor nodded his head yes. Richie rubbed the bridge of his nose. Connor lied so easily to Richie this whole time, who's to say this whole summer wasnt one big lie? “Did you really stay in Derry to spend the summer with me?” Richie wasnt sure he wanted to know the answer to this. It meant so much hearing Connor say that just yesterday. 

Connor stayed quiet. He kept looking in his car mirrors for something that wasnt there. Richie could see how uncomfortable this question made him, and with that, Richie knew the answer. 

“Oh my god.” Richie shifted in his seat to look out his window. “How could I be so stupid?” Eddie and the others were right. Connor wasn't good for him, this whole time Richie thought he could help Connor, get him out of that house, out of the dealing. But this whole time Connor freely stayed behind this summer for it. 

“I’m sorry.” Connors eyes were puffy from crying. 

“Were you even planning on telling me about the guns? What, were you just going to pop out for a second and expect me to not ask questions?” Richie’s voice was strained. 

Connor took the Derry exit. Richie was itching to get out of the car. He contemplated if he should just get out in the middle of town and walk back home without Connor. 

“I don't know. I guess I was just…. Going to ignore it.” Now that they were off the highway, Connor rolled his window down a bit. His curls bounced in the wind. Richie had to look away. 

There were so many thoughts running in Richies head. He wanted out of this car, he needed out of it. The K.O. On the dashboard felt like it was mocking him now. 

The car finally turns into the main part of Derry. Richie tightened his hand on his bag on his lap. At the next light he could just get out of the car. Get out and walk away. “Connor,” Richie started before his brain knew what it was going to say. “How did you know I got fired?” 

Connor’s car rolled to a stop at the red light. His whole body limp in the seat next to Richies. “Do you hate me yet?” 

Richie used his left arm to cradle his bag and looked longingly out his side window. He didn't know how to answer that. Did he hate Connor Bowers? Or was this, in a way, Richies fault? Following Connor blindly even when Eddie told him not to. Even after Eddie helped Richie that week without Connor, Richie threw that all away just to see Connor again. “I need an answer.”

Connor sucked his teeth and let out a sigh. “I didn't ask you to call off all those times without a reason.” Richie palmed his face. “I wanted more alone time with you.” Connor put his head on the wheel. This was the longest red light of Richies life. 

“Why are you telling me the truth now?” 

Connor looked up and over at Richie who was peering at him through his fingers. “I guess I'm hoping… now that you know… you won't leave me?” 

Richie didn't think, he swiftly grabbed the door handle, opened it and got out of the car. Connor didn't protest. 

Richie’s anger only grew after leaving the car behind him as he walked across the street. Richie lost his job because of Connor. He planned it out. Had Richie call off all those times, go in late, just to have Richie lose his job. But was that really Connor’s fault? Richie didn't have to listen to Connor but he did, every single fucking time. 

Richie turned down an alley, he didn't know where he was going, his vision getting blurry from hot tears. He couldve had a job this whole time. He couldve been making money, saving for a car like he wanted this whole time at the arcade. Richie walked up to the dumpster and kicked it. The pain in his foot felt good and he did it again and again. How could he have been so fucking stupid. He felt like curling up and crying but he forced himself to keep walking. 

Richie tries to stretch out his right wrist, it stung. He really did not want to go to the hospital for this, his mom would get so worried. As much as he wanted to head to Eddie’s house to get a brace, he knew he didn't deserve Eddie kindness. Or the sweet words Eddie would tell him to make Richie feel better. The truth was, Richie Tozier was a gullible moron and deserved to feel this way. 

He kept his head low as he walked into Keene Pharmacy. It wasnt busy at all. Only one person at the counter talking to Mr. Keene. Richie knew where he needed to be at just the right time to leave undetected. After all, he's been stealing from this place since he was twelve. Once he got to the aisle he needed, he saw different types. Maybe he shouldve went to Eddie about this. Why did there need to be so many different kinds of wrist braces? 

Richie peered over to the counter, the adults were still talking to each other. Richie went back to the braces and shrugged. He started trying them on until one felt like it could work. The one he kept on made Richie look like he was wearing fingerless gloves. 

The customer at the counter was heading for the door, now was Richie’s chance. As an afterthought, Richie pocketed some medicated chapstick for his lip and walked out the door that the customer so generously held open for Richie. 

Now with a problem somewhat fixed for his wrist and lip, he started to head back home. Richie was oh so mentally tired. Anytime the thought of the guns popped into Richie’s mind, he’d pinch his good wrist, willing the mind not to think about it. He was still angry, Richie didn't know when he would stop being angry. But he knew he did not have the energy physically or mentally to deal with the Connor thoughts. 

Walking with his head mostly down and watching his feet move on the concrete, he noticed, he was not heading to his home. Richie's feet took him to the place he’d always head when he was in one of his moods. 

Eddie’s. 

Mrs. Kaspbraks car was parked in the drive-way. The sun was going down and the lights were going on in the house. Richie pushed his glasses up on his face more. Eddie didn't need this, Richie’s burdens. Would Eddie even be home?

He turned around on the sidewalk and walked away from the house. Richie wanted his home, his shower, his parents, his bed. Richie mostly wanted a cigarette but he wasnt allowing himself one as punishment. He’d have to deal with the withdrawal symptoms during the first week of school, as punishment. Walked away from Eddie’s house, as punishment. 

The phrase ‘You’re so stupid.’ floated around in Richie’s head. ‘You deserve this.’ popping in once and while. The feeling of being drained and numb came back to him as he turned on his block. He was so close to his house he could almost smell the candles his mother would have lit in the foyer. 

Before stepping on the porch, he looked at his brace. Would it be better to walk in with that on, or not have it on and hope his parents won't notice the bruise forming? He decided to take it off and stuff it in the duffel bag with his clothes. He could just keep this arm in his pocket or under the table. 

As he opened the door, he smelled a roast wafting from the kitchen. Richie’s stomach rumbled, he hasnt ate anything since this morning and a home cooked meal meant everything to Richie right now.

His father’s head popped out from the dining room. “Richie?” 

Richie closed the door behind him and dropped his bag at his feet. He smiled at his dad but even Richie knew it looked tired. “Hey.” His voice still a little raspy from not talking. 

His mother rounded the wall with arms wide open and pulled him into a hug. “How was Ben’s?” She said as she ignored the smell of smoke on his clothes, like she did every day.

Ben’s? Richie completely forgot he told his mother he was staying there. That was before Connor came rolling up to the diner. “Oh, uh. It was fine! Mrs. Hanscom says hi.” Richie pulled away from the hug. “Anymore food for me?” He quickly changed the subject so he wouldn't have to lie more. 

“What kind of question is that?” His mother looked almost offended Richie would ask that. She walked back over to the dining room, Richie followed. “I was hoping youd come back tonight. So I made your favorite side dish, stuffing!” She smiled wide at him as she held up a bowl of stuffing. 

Richie patted his stomach. “Yes, thank you!” He almost groaned as he sat down and started filing his plate up with pork and stuffing. 

“School starts Monday.” His father said as he watched Richie pig out on his wife's cooking.

Richie paused and glanced at his dad. “Mhm.” 

Wentworth and Margret shared a look with one another. “Have you thought about colleges?” 

Richie put down his fork. “I have.” 

“Oh, honey, finally.” Margret sighed. “I have the application for University of Maine up in our room-” 

“Actually, I was thinking of places…” He looked at his mother, bad idea. She already looked upset. “Not in Maine.” But getting out of this state is what Richie wants right now. He never wants to see Connor’s or any other Bowers face ever again. 

Wentworth pushed his empty plate out of his way so he could lean on the table over at Richie. “Where then?” He didn't sound angry at all, more intrigued and excited that Richie even wants to go to college. 

“Pennsylvania, New York,” his mother looked away from him. “California.” Richie was dreading telling his parents about his out of state college picks. But after what he saw and went through in the last few hours, this was easy. Now, he felt dumb waiting to tell them. Of course, he still felt bad. His mother didn't want her only child running off to some state where she wasnt. But once he told them, the rest was easy. “I’m mostly looking at Penn State or NYU.”

“Why stop there? Apply for Yale and Harvard. I’ve seen your test scores. You’ll easily get 1500.” His dad sat back in his seat with a small smile on his face. “But, you’ll need to be more focused this year. I was a senior in high school once, I know how easy it is to get side tracked.” He winked at Richie.

Richie grimaced at the wink. “Right..” Richie went back to eating his food. “You really think I could get a 1500 on SATs?” 

Wentworth raised an eyebrow at Richie. “Don’t you?” 

Richie didn't answer. He didn't know how to tell his parents that he felt like the dumbest piece of shit.

After dinner, Richie laid in his bed. He stuffed himself with so much food it made him tired. It was only a little past seven, he couldnt possibly fall asleep now. He tossed onto his back in hopes to wake him up. But just seeing the ceiling of the simpler times in his life made him sick. He turned on his side to face the window.

Now that Richie was alone, everything came rushing back to him. The time in the car was the only thing Richie could focus on. He held up his wrist, “He really did a number on this…” Richie pushed himself out of bed to grab his brace. 

As he walked back from the bag in the corner, he stopped. Connor somehow broke into his house just the other night. Who’s to say he won't show up to try and talk to Richie again? Or worse. Richie still didn't like to think of Connor in a ‘or worse’ sort of way but the pain in his wrist made him double think it. 

Richie started to push his dresser in front of his window. Not like Richie really needed it anyway, he wasnt allowed to smoke cigarettes anymore. 

His mother walked past his door but doubled back when she heard Richie grunting from the weight of his dresser. He didn't remember having so much clothes.

“What on earth are you doing?” She asked and took a step in the room.

Richie paused to look at her. “Redecorating?” 

She glanced around the room, looking for other changes. “Want some help?”

Richie pushed the last gap to cover the window evenly. “No thanks, this was it.” He tried to hide the braced hand behind his back as nonchalantly as possible.

Margret walked in the room and sat on his bed tentatively. Seeing her in her was odd to Richie, she actively avoided his room. Why she did that, Richie wasnt sure but he appreciated it. “In front of the window? How will you open it when it gets stuffy in here?”

Richie leaned on the dresser to seem casual. “Its all the rage, mom. Everyone is doing this.” He put on a sarcastic tone, usually that made his mom roll her eyes and move on.

But this time she didn't. She sniffled a bit and covered her mouth with her finger. “Is that why you want to go to Pennsylvania? Because Ben is going?” Her voice was soft and sad. 

This threw Richie completely off. He quickly sat next to his mother on the bed and wrapped his arm around her. “How did you know Bens going there?”

She patted his knee and tried to compose herself. “I ran into his mother and him at the store. Ben is a smart boy, always good to you. Is that why you want to leave Maine?” 

Okay how could he lie to his mother like this? Glossy eyed and fragile. Richie bit his tongue so he didn't blurt out the first thing that came to mind, which was the truth. In truth, he did only pick the colleges he did so he could be close to his friends because lets face it, Richie did a shit job finding friends for himself. Example one: Connor.

Margret scooted away from him so she could look him over. “Im sorry,” She pushed his glasses up on his face like she would do when he was younger. With the same hand she cupped his face, glancing at his cut lip. “I know you want to leave Derry. I shouldnt be so selfish to ask you to stay just for me…” Her hand dropped from his face. 

“I’m sorry, mom-” Richie started but she interrupted. 

“Richie!” She grabbed his braced wrist, her face scrunching in worry. “What happened?” He started to pull his hand away, but what was the point? She already saw it. Richie stayed quiet. She looked back up at his cut lip. “Was this Connor?” 

This time Richie moved away in shock. “What?” His voice went up an octave. How did his mother know about Connor? Why would she think this brace had anything to do with Connor? His heart was speeding up. Some mother intuition. 

“Ever since you said you were hanging out with Connor youve been acting differently. You don't think I see things?” She starts to take the brace off of his wrist but stops. She takes a deep breath.

“What do you mean? I-I havent been different.” Dear god, do not let this be the night Richie comes out to his mother. His head literally could not take anymore trauma tonight. 

She sits facing forward now, not looking at Richie. “I try and respect your space. But when you have a new friend all summer long and never have them over…” Richie adjusts the brace to normal again. “I know he’s Oscar Bowers nephew. Thats why you didn't bring him over isnt it?” Richie sat still and silent. “Richie… Please tell me you arent…” She covered her face in her hands. She stayed silent but her body slightly shook. “Everyone knows what the Bowers get up to, Richie. And now you barely come home, not super out of the norm for you, but now-” She gestures to his wrist, knuckles, and lip. “You come home busted all the time. I never asked about the bruise on your face a month ago- Your father said, ‘Thats just how teenage boys are.’ But I knew something was off about you but- Eddie!-” her eyes lit up. “He did something, you were happy when he stayed for a week!” She stood and spun to face him. “Now, you hardly talk about your friends. I never hear about your time with them at the diner. What happened, Richie? It had to be Connor Bowers, right?” 

Richie’s eyes left his mother's face. How was she so spot on this whole time? Richie always thought his parents were somewhat clueless about his life unless he filled them in, but lo and behold his mother was doing some digging on Connor. Just to make sure Richie was okay. Richie’s eyes start to water. Of course, his mother was right. He didn't talk about the losers all that much because Richie didn't spend enough time with them this summer. It was because of Connor Bowers but it was mostly Richie’s fault for being selfish and a horrible friend. It wasnt fair to blame that all on Connor. Here come the water works again. 

His mother nods and sits back down next to him. Richie rests his head on her shoulder as he cried. He was almost sobbing, he felt so pathetic but right where he needed to be at the same time. He wished he could tell his mother the whole truth. About the late nights with Connor or the late nights with Eddie and how the energy of the two blur into the same feeling sometimes. Or how complicated it actually was at the Bowers house. But he couldnt, not now, maybe not ever. 

“Honey, its okay,” His mother whispered to him. “Just promise me youll be safe this year at school?” He sat up and took his glasses off to clean his face with his shirt. The two locked eyes. “Promise you won't hang around the Bowers again?”

The tears came again, slowly this time. Richie nodded his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tldr; we all miss the way things use to be   
> what a big oof. i was so sad writing this one out i cant wait to write some fluff again >.<  
> i hope everyone enjoyed the anniversary of both movies the other day!  
> idk if anyone plays animal crossing but i am in the middle of setting up   
> red balloons everywhere, just in time for halloween!   
> as always, thank you for reading  
> ily stay safe <3


	26. Chapter 26

What the fuck did Richard Wentworth Tozier think he was doing holding Eddies finger in his own? This wasnt fair. Its almost as if Richie knew Eddie decided to not act on his feelings and wanted to torture Eddie. It was such a Richie thing to do. This wasnt fair. Eddie should pull his hand away. He shouldn’t indulge in this act, Richie was with Connor. 

Eddie side eyed Richie. He knew Richie was with Connor last night. And judging from Richies knuckles there was a fight. Richie sucked at fighting, he couldnt even dodge punches Bill threw at him. So what happened? 

Did Richie not trust Eddie with the knowledge of last night because Eddie? 

Eddie finally moved his hand. The crazed thoughts still swam in his head as he took his turn in monopoly. 

———————————————-————————-

Richie just finished getting his makeup done by Beverly. He looked ridiculous. But the green really made his brown eyes pop. Richie sat down on the bed beside Eddie and batted his eyelashes at him. “Don't you just want to take me out now?” Yes. Oh god yes. 

Was Richie always this forward? Or was Eddie only getting flustered because of his new understanding of his own feelings? 

“Yeah, to the trash.” Eddie nudged Richie away from his bubble.

“What color do you want your toes, Eddie?” Bev said as she sorted through the polish. 

Eddie stood up and looked with her. It didn't take him long to find the color Richie was holding earlier and brought it back to the bed. “Don't worry, I won't make you touch my feet, Bev.” 

Bev gave a dramatic performance of a sigh of relief. “Alright, Benjamin, where to start…” 

“You do this often?” Richie asked as Eddie took off his socks and shook the polish in his hand. 

Was Eddie doing this wrong already? “No. Never actually.” Eddie took the cap off and smelled the horrid stench. God, why do people use this shit? His face scrunched up. “Mom didn't let me in the room while she painted her nails. Said the chemicals would give me cancer.” Eddie shrugged, just another day in his life. 

Eddie was determined to paint his nails. Gay people do that right? Of course he couldnt put makeup on his face, he heard too many horror stories from his mother of people being allergic and swelling up. So painting his nails seemed like the next best step. Plus, once he saw Richie hold up this orange, he fell in love with it. 

Eddie painted half of his big toe, completely missing the nail. How did his mother do this almost every day? The angle was all wrong, his knee was in his way. Eddie was frustrated, this was deemed impossible. 

“Okay, stop. Let me do it.” Richie held his hand out for the polish. 

Eddie moved away slightly. “Fuck you, I can do it.” How dare Richie ask to paint his toes. Wasnt the finger lingering bad enough? Richie needed to paint Eddies toes too? He leaned over to try and recover the damage he already did on his toe. He groaned as he accidentally spilled some of the bottle onto his foot because he wasn't paying attention. 

“Are you all good over there?” Bev called over. 

Ben was turned in his seat, worry spread on his face. “Maybe the floor would be a better place than my mother's comforter?” 

Of course! This shit stains! Eddie slinked to the floor, careful not to get anything on the bed as he did so. God, Eddie was an idiot. “Shut up, Richie.” 

Richie threw his hands up. “I didn't say anything!” He laughed as he moved to the floor next to Eddie. Did Richie have to be everywhere Eddie was? This was almost suffocating. Painting his nails was hard enough, he didn't need Richie as an audience.

Eddie glanced up to see if Richie was still watching because he sounded kind of quiet. Richies eyes were zoned out a bit, he was somewhere else. 

I guess that was sort of a relief and Eddie could paint his toes in peace but where did Richie go? All alone in that head of his. What did Richie think of Eddie painting his toes? Did Richie understand why Eddie was doing this? It was almost a silent declaration of Eddies sexuality. And maybe Eddie shouldnt have picked Richies favorite color, the declaration seemed to steer into more of a confession. 

Richie quickly turned to face Eddie, pulling Eddie away from his thoughts. Eddie didn't know what Richie was going to say, but Eddie wanted to keep this light. Richie was zoned for a good few minutes and Eddie just wanted to make Richie feel better. “Want your toes painted?” Eddie’s face was gentle but his eyes searched Richie’s for something. A sign of pain, happiness. Something. 

Richie flashed a smile at Eddie. “Alright, do it up, Kaspbrak.” A fake smile? Should Eddie pry? 

“What color?” Keep it light, Kaspbrak. Let him come to you. Gain his trust again. 

Richie propped his head on his hand which was propped on his knee. He slyly eyed the color Eddie was using. “You know…” He said in a cocky tone. “Orange is my favorite color.” 

Eddie looked back at the nail polish hoping it would cover them embarrassment on his face. So Richie did notice. Should Eddie just tell him? Even though he's been telling himself and Bill he wouldn't? It just seemed so easy but the words couldnt form in his mouth. 

After only two minutes but felt like ten, Eddie picked the bottle back up. “Okay, matching toes it is.” He’ll paint Richie’s nails, even though the thought of someone else’s feet revolted Eddie. He’ll do this one last act with all the feelings and all the emotions he gets from Richie. Then he’ll stop. Eddie will distance himself. He can't keep pining over Richie, his head was going to explode. 

———————————————-————————-

Eddie promised himself he would put some distance between him and Richie. But sitting right next to Richie in the diner booth, with Richie’s arm around him so casually, just felt right. He could almost feel the looks Bill was giving him from the other booth. Eddie ignored them. 

At this point, Eddie didn't even think about how Richie’s last night was never told to him. Of course, he worried about it. But what was the point? Richie was here now, being himself, wasnt that all that mattered? That Richie always seemed to come back to Eddie. 

As the group talked about anything and everything, Eddie would mindlessly look over at Richie. The horrible patch job Beverly did on his neck was working in the lower lit corner of the restaurant. It almost gave the sense that Connor didn't exist here in this space at all. No one brought him up once, not even alluding to his person. It felt great, like old times. 

“Hey, when are we supposed to pick up our class schedules again?” Ben asked.

Mike groaned. “I don't want to even think about it.” 

“Do we all want to meet up after and compare schedules?” Stan looked at everyone.

“Yeah, j-just like every other year,” Bill stole a fry from Mikes plate. ”W-why would this one be different?” 

“Oh, Stan!” Bev reached her hand out as if trying to grab at him even though she's at a completely other table. “Bring your camera!” 

“Sure, but we need more film.” Stan held out his hand. 

Eddie had mowed the neighbors yard just the other day so he had a few bucks on him this time. He could always ask his mother for money, if he wanted to sit and explain every detail of what the money would be spent on. And considering most of Eddies money went to diner food or things the losers needed, he never usually asked. 

He felt Richie’s arm move away from him. Eddie glanced to see what Richie was doing, a little bummed the arm was gone. No, not bummed. Because Eddie needed to let the feelings go. 

“Hey, can I get you some later?” Richie asked Stan. 

Eddie looked at the money in his hands. He had enough to pay for his unwanted ice cream, film and Richie’s meal. Without much thought, he handed Stan four dollars. “For Richie and me.” Eddie would do the same for any other loser. Hell, any loser would do that for any loser. This wasnt because it was Richie who looked upset about not having money. 

Richie grin grew and pulled Eddie into a one arm hug. “Thanks, Spaghetti! I can always count on you.” God, this was going to be hard.

Eddie’s nose got pink and shoved Richie away. Eddie scooped some of his melting ice cream. “Just for tonight, you can pay me back later.” Eddie was surprised he could speak without jumbling his words. 

Richie nodded and eyed Eddie’s bite of ice cream. Eddie didn't care for vanilla ice cream. He couldnt even lie to himself that he picked vanilla purely for Richie to eat if he wanted it. But he still rolled his eyes, like Eddie was so annoyed at Richie for wanting it, when in fact it was all planned. Eddie held it out to Richie, who happily let Eddie hold the spoon as he took the bite.

Richie was getting animated, like he always was with the group. Eddie loved the energy Richie gave off as he spoke about the movie he watched last year with Stan. Every now and then, Richie would stop talking and moving, just to hold his mouth open for a bite of ice cream. Which Eddie would gladly feed to him. And then Richie would spring back to life, talking with his mouth full of the half melted ice cream. Pretending to shoot Stan with his imaginary gun as Stan would go limp with his tongue out, using his hands to mimic blood shooting out of the wound.

As Richie made a fool of himself with Stan, Eddie took his opportunity to grab Richie’s receipt and pay for it.

This is it the last thing you do for Richie out of feelings. 

Everything here on out is strictly normal friendship behavior. Then they can get on just fine all year. Eddie didn't want to think about college. He didn't know what school would take him and he didn't know where anyone was headed other than Ben. 

But Eddie would be damned if his last year was ruined over something so trivial. 

———————————————-————————-

Eddies false reality crumbled before him as he saw Connor's car in the parking lot. As Richie walked over to it, Eddies emotions went still. Of course, Connor was here now. Eddie didn't exist.

But a part of him still hoped Richie wouldn’t leave. Thats why he stayed put, in case Richie didn't go and they could walk back to the group together. 

Richie started walking back to Eddie, he had a smile plastered on his face. It almost made Eddie sick. Of course he wanted Richie to be happy but Eddie has seen this scene over and over again. 

“Hey, guess what!” Richie excitedly whispered. Eddie didn't want to hear it.

“Connor got us a room somewhere a few towns over!” Eddie stayed silent. “So…I’m leaving now.” 

Of course he is. “When will you be back?” Eddie let out a deep breath he didn't realize he was holding.

“Um,” Richie rubbed the back of his head. “Probably tomorrow? I didn't really ask.” How could Richie be this much of a dumbass? How could Eddie catch feelings for someone that is this much of a moron?

Eddie searched Richies face for some sort of sign. “Are you sure this is a good idea, Richie?” This was the nicest way Eddie could think of stopping Richie from going. Eddie didn't seem to have the strength to scream at Richie for being so stupid this time. Eddie glanced back at Connors car. He could see a silhouette sitting in the drivers seat, watching them. There was a good chunk of Eddie’s being who wanted to walk right up to him and knock Connor out. 

But Eddie was letting go of the feelings for Richie. That would strictly be an ass kicking out of platonic emotions. 

Eddie heard footsteps behind him. “What, yeah, why not?” Richie asked.

A car horn beeped behind Richie. Eddie’s eyebrows scrunched. “What an asshole…” Eddie whispered loud enough so Richie could hear. What the fuck did Richie see in this guy? The anger only grew.

Richies face went a little red. “I’m sorry he did that. It’s just that- he wanted me to be home at ten- but like- now its a late night check in so-” 

Eddie wished Richie didn't feel the need to apologize for that neanderthal. 

“E-everything okay, Rich?” Bill side eyed Connor’s car. 

Eddie looked at Richie, his mind was already made up. “He’s going out of town with Connor for god knows how long or where.” Eddie said deadpanly. 

As Richie shrugged off their questions and worried looks, Eddie stood still, watching Richie climb in that death trap of a car. 

This was getting old. Watching Richie leave with Connor while Eddie was left empty handed and numb was tiring. Eddie even expected Richie to leave with Connor as soon as he laid eyes on the car, so why did he even try to make him stay?

“Lets make a note to  _ not _ ask Richie how his time was.” Stan said as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “We wouldn't hear the end of it.” 

“Agreed.” Bev groaned. “He’d probably go in full detail too.”

Bill wrapped an arm around Eddies shoulders. “Th-thats a good idea, r-right?” 

Eddie didn't answer. He brushed Bills arm off of him and started walking to the car. What was all Eddie’s feelings for? What was he supposed to do with these feelings for Richie that come in rushes anytime Richie had his arm around Eddie? 

How was he supposed to stop the empty feeling that came everytime he watched Richie leave with Connor?

“I’ll stop at his house tomorrow before we grab our schedules,” Mike said as he helped Stan into the bed of the truck. “Just to see if he got back in time.” 

“Could we pick up his schedule for him?” Ben asked as he sat next to Stan. 

Bill shook his head. “Doubt it.” He closed the bed of the truck after he got on. “He-he’ll just have to w-wait until school starts on Monday.” 

When Mike, Bev and Eddie got in the front, Eddie didn't hesitate to bombard Beverly with the questions he should’ve been asking Richie. “What happened with Richie last night?” 

Mike turned the radio down, eager to hear the answer too. 

Beverly was in the middle and shifted in her seat. Clearly she didn't know how to answer. “Eddie… I don't think I can-“

“I need to know.” Eddie said a little more desperate sounding than he planned. He wanted anything to tarnish the Richie he had a crush on. If he could find a way to push the feelings down or get rid of them completely, maybe Eddie wouldn't be so deeply sad.

Beverly started to turn in her seat, hoping Ben could sense what was going on inside the truck but quickly gave up on the thought. She was alone in making the decision. With a sigh she said, “He was drunk.” Eddie's mouth dropped a little. Drunk? How on earth? “He ran to Connors.” 

Eddie can't be surprised by that. Where else would Richie have gone? 

“Drunk? He got drunk at the diner?” Mike said, clearly lost like Eddie. “How the hell did we miss that?” The car was filled with silence. How did everyone miss that? They all felt like bad friends. 

“What happened at Connors? Something happened, his knuckles were fucked.” Eddie remembered this fact as Richie held his pinky. 

Beverly resorted to picking her nails to avoid eye contact. “Honestly? I don't know. He didn't seem happy with whatever went down there.” 

Stan stuck his head in the small window behind Beverly's head. “Turn up the radio!” He called. 

Mike obliged, letting their conversation die out as the loser, minus Eddie, screamed Achy Breaky Heart at the top of their lungs at two in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone sorry for the break i wasnt sure how to do the next few chapters but i think I figured it out?? As always ily <33 im so sleepy


	27. Chapter 27

How did Eddie sleep? Surprisingly well. Pure exhaustion fell over him quickly as he face-planted into his bed after climbing in through the window. Did he get out of bed in a timely manner in the morning? No. Eddie couldnt find a reason to get up. His mind swam with worried thoughts about Richie as soon as his eyes opened. Was he okay? Where would Connor take him? He could be drugged and locked up somewhere. Eddie was still exhausted. 

His mother kept coming in and checking on him. “I’ll stay home today. Jancie owes me when her son Nicoholas got sick.” His mother was still getting ready for the day as she stood over his bed. She put the back of her hand on his forehead. “Eddie, sweety, you might have a fever!” She finished putting her earring in and sat on the bed. “Get up, we’re going to the doctors.” 

It was so easy to just let his mother boss him around. Eddie didn't have time to think any original thought if he just listened to his mother. But Eddie didn't even want to get out of the bed for his mother. “No, ma. I’m fine.”    
  
Her eyes flashed open wide. “Eddie! It’s ten! You arent even out of bed yet!” 

Eddie knew that he had to get out of this bed one way or another thanks to his mother. Did he want her to worry? No. But was worrying about making his mother happier easier than worrying about Richie? Hell yes. 

So, Eddie sat up in bed. He still had his diner clothes on and he really hoped his mother wouldn't notice. He pulled the covers higher on his chest. “Can we have lasagna for supper tonight?” Distractions have kept Eddie sane throughout his life. 

Sonia kept her eyes on him. “Sure. If you feel better.” She got off of the bed and walked out of the room. 

Eddie had to fight the urge to lay back down. He knew he wouldn't be able to until she left for work. His body wasnt physically tired. His eyes stayed open with ease. Something was just pulling him deep down. ‘Don't move.’ He felt like something was whispering to his body. ‘Lay down, its safe.’ 

Sonia walked back into the room with the first aid kit. Eddie closed his eyes so he didn't roll his eyes at his mother. She didn't speak as she pulled out a thermometer and a home blood pressure test. Eddie already had his arm stretched out and had his mouth opened. 

Eddie wished this wasnt a normal thing at his house. How many times did someone have to take a blood pressure test at home under the age of 17? It happened at least four times a week for Eddie. 

His mother put the thermometer in his mouth and then worked on wrapping his arm up. While the tests did their thing, they both sat in silence. The only sounds were the hissing of the blood pressure wrap and the beep of the thermometer when it was done. She looked at the results. Eddie knew they would be normal, but a small part of him was panicked they wouldn't be. 

“Okay,” She said as she put the tests away. “Height and weight.” She gestured to the bathroom. 

If Eddie got out of the bed in his day clothes, his mother would explode, and Eddie definitely wouldn't be left to lay in bed all day. “Can I get dressed first?” His eyes didn't meet his mothers. 

“Why? Whats wrong with your pjs?” She said, shocked and reaching for the blanket. 

Eddie tightened his grip. “I don't have pants on!” He blurted out more frustrated with this whole ordeal.

Her lips went into a tight thin line. “You don't raise your voice at me. Ever.” 

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could muster. 

She got up and left the room, the door still opened.    
  


Eddie closed his eyes. Come on, get up. He pulled the covers off of himself. One step at a time. With a deep breath, Eddie planted his feet on his floor even though every atom in his body was begging to be back in bed. 

“Eddie? Hurry up now.”

He didn't hate his mother. It was complicated. He knew she cared. At times like this, he often wondered what it would be like to have his dad still alive. With that thought, he pushed off the bed and went to his closet. 

He decided to throw on a hoodie and sweatpants. What was the point of putting normal clothes on if Eddie’s plans were to be back in bed? 

Eddie stepped on the scale, his weight went down a few pounds. Why was that? Eddie’s head whipped to look at his mothers face. She didn't seem too worried about the loss of pounds, it eased Eddie a bit. 

“Mmm..” His mother said as she looked at his height. “You grew an inch.” 

Before Eddie had any real thought about that, he heard a knock on his front door. His mother scowled.

Eddies mother made her way down the steps and opened the door. “This isnt a good time for you to be here, boy.” 

Due to his mothers tone, Eddie knew it was one of his friends. He stood at the top of the steps, trying to make out who it was. 

“So-sorry, Mrs. Kaspbrak, E-Eddie and I were going to g-get our class schedules together.” Ah, Bill. But the group wasnt supposed to meet up until later this afternoon. Eddie honestly forgot about schedules. 

“I’ll be driving Eddie to school then taking him to the doctors. You can run home, now.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and started down the steps. “Ma, I’m fine. I’m not going to the doctors.” He wasnt normally this forward with his mother but something about his mood today…

She turned to face Eddie on the steps, she looked wounded. “But-Eddie!” 

“Go to work, ma. I’ll be okay.” It was more of a demand than a promise. 

Sonia looked back at Bill, her demeanor changed fast. “Keep an eye on my Eddie. If something happens to him, its your fault, William.” 

Without hesitation, Bill replied. “Of course.” 

She wobbled over to the steps to give Eddie a kiss and stood there until Eddie kissed her cheek back. And with that she was off to work. 

Eddie walked over to the front door where Bill still stood. Now that his mother was gone, he felt more relaxed. But now with Bill here, he knew the bed would have to wait even longer. 

“I was s-standing out there waiting for your m-mom to leave. I got w-worried something happened to you when she d-didn't leave on time.” Eddie didn't answer him. He leaned on the door frame, fighting his manners to let Bill in the house. “Come on, I w-want ice cream.” 

Eddie grimaced at Bill. “Ice cream?” His voice had no real emotion. “I didn't even eat breakfast.” 

Bill waved a dismissive hand at Eddie. “Neither d-did I.” 

What was Bill’s plan for being here right now? Eddie didn't care about the schedules or the tradition with the losers that Richie probably wouldn't be attending anyway so why should Eddie have to show up? He could get his schedule on the first day of school, even though that thought drove a small panic in Eddie. He did like planning things out.

“L-let’s hang out before we m-meet up with everyone. One l-last ice cream before school starts. And m-maybe get a flavor y-you actually like this time.” Bill winked at Eddie. 

That statement filled Eddie with more dread. Eddie averted his eyes from Bill. Bill noticed that Eddie got vanilla ice cream last night? It's a curse having observant friends.

Bill cursed under his breath as Eddie clearly looked uncomfortable by referencing last night. “S-s-sorry, Eddie. I j-just don't want y-you to let... _ that _ ruin your day, o-kay? Now, lets go be teenage boys a-and eat sugar for breakfast.” Bill gave Eddie a reassuring smile that Eddie ignored. 

Eddie didn't want to be rude but he really didn't feel like talking let alone be out in public getting ice cream. 

“I’ll p-pay!” Bill was really trying now. He was a good friend. “You don't even h-have to talk to me, we c-can just bike around.”

Eddie rolled his neck and looked at Bill. Was Eddie going to let this mood define the rest of his day? Not that leaving the house would help with the mood but maybe it would just push it to the side? Maybe if Eddie left the house he would feel a little more alive? 

But if he left the house, he would for sure be dragged to pick up class schedules. The thought of seeing all his friends later already made him tired. Part of Eddie didn't want to go out of fear that Richie wouldn't be there. But would it be better if he wasnt? But Eddie didn't want to cut Richie out of his life for good, he still wanted to see Richie, but maybe only in a group setting for now. Yeah, and Eddie could sit not next to Richie all the time. Maybe that would help the feelings slip away?   
  
“E-Eddie?” Bill had one eyebrow up in confusion. He waved a hand in front of Eddie’s face. “I think I-I lost you for a second.” 

Eddie stood straight and shook his head. “Sorry.” He said as he came back to earth. “Let me get dressed.” 

Eddie fought with himself to not wear the security blanket hoodie. He went with his classic polo shirt and some shorts. He also had a mental argument about bringing his inhaler. He didn't win that one. Eddie could feel it hit his leg as he biked behind Bill to the middle of town. 

They parked their bikes on the rack outside of the ice cream parlor. It was surprisingly busy today at eleven in the morning. The tables were all crowded with teenagers that Eddie would be seeing in the hall come Monday. It was almost depressing starting senior year, yet a breath of fresh air at the same time. The thought of ‘ah, finally. What we were all waiting for.’ 

Eddie kept his head down, not wanting to make eye contact with these people, mostly because he didn't have time to shower before leaving the house. Eddie stood behind Bill in line. The girl taking orders looked like she hated life. Maybe Eddie should get a job this year, without telling his mother of course. He couldnt possible stay inside while his friends dealt with sports or clubs. 

“Hey! Bill!” Someone from behind the counter called. He gestured Bill to come up to the counter even though there were others in front of them. 

Bill smiled and headed for the red headed guy. He looked familiar to Eddie but he couldn't place a name. “S-Scotty!” Ah, thats the name. Eddie quickly followed behind Bill. “Y-You going to school later?” Bill leaned on the counter. He seemed so comfortable around this guy.

“Nah, I close. But my dad is getting my schedule.” Scotty turned to look at Eddie. “Kaspbrak, right?” He flashed Eddie a pleasant smile.

Eddie fought the urge to make a face at the guy. He just gave a short nod and a quick smile. Was Eddie a dick? This guy was being nice and he couldnt even return the attitude. Maybe Eddie shouldve stayed in bed. 

“Y-You remember Scotty Cox?” Bill glanced at Eddie. “Dad’s the f-football coach, shares the b-bench with me every year.” Bill let out a laugh while Scotty rolled his eyes. 

“You better be joining me on the bench this year, Denbrough. Senior year!” Scotty punched the air. Was he celebrating? He worked at an ice cream shop and got benched while his dad was the coach. Doesnt seem like anything exciting to fist the air over. Richie would totally have a field day making fun of this guy.

Bill shrugged. “M-might as well. I-I gotta do something w-with my time after school.”

Scotty looked back at Eddie. “What about you, Eddie? You do anything during school? Clubs, sports?” 

Wait this guy knew Eddies name already? Maybe Eddie should pay attention to other people in their school this year. “No.” Bill glanced at Eddie, the look on his face seemed to read, ‘Oh come on, Eddie. He’s being nice.’ Eddie coughed to fill the air. “No, I don't do anything. Nothing really screams for my attention, ya know?” This was easier than explaining how his mother is. 

Scotty smiled and nodded. “Yeah, no, I totally get it. I only joined the team because it was my dads dream to coach his sons football team.” Scotty shrugged. “He didn't factor in that his son was a total dipshit when it came to sports.” He glanced at the girl taking orders, who was staring at the group of boys at the side of the counter. “But, anyway, what are you guys having?” 

Bill smiled and stood straight again. “Hot fu-udge sundae please.”

“Mint chocolate chip?” Eddie didn't even know what flavors they had today, he missed the menu when they stood in line. 

Scotty nodded at the orders. “Want the mint in a cone or tub?” He called over to Eddie as he already started making Bill’s order. 

“Whichever is fine.” Was it just Eddie or was this Scotty guy overwhelmingly nice? And if he was so nice, why didn't he hang out with the loser, like, ever? It wasnt unusually for the losers to have other friends, but even they hang out at least twice a year. But fuck, Eddie didn't even remember his name and he played football with Bill? 

Scotty handed the boys their order with a genuine smile. “On the house.” He said as Bill started pulling out his money. “For keeping me sane all those football practices with my dad.” He turned to Eddie. “And a friend of Bill’s is a friend of mine.” 

Eddie took his tub of ice cream, it was overflowing, Eddie had to quickly lick the sides just to keep it from spilling over onto his hands. 

“Th-thanks, Scotty. I’ll g-get you back one of these days.” Bill grabbed a spoon from the counter. 

Scotty smiled at Bill then looked at Eddie. Was he expecting Eddie to say something? He wasnt going to pay for this treat anyway, Eddie didn't feel like it was necessary to be grateful. But now Eddie was letting this mood control him, when did he get so cynical? “Yeah. Thanks.” He said as Bill and him walked away from the waving Scotty. 

Bill took the liberty to throw away the tubs as Eddie sat on the bench by the Paul Bunyan statue. This thing was so fucking ugly. It was comical to think that Richie used to be afraid of that thing. Too bad they never added his blue ox, Eddie bet Richie wouldve hated it just as much. 

Bill came back up to the bench and looked at the watch his parents gave him last year for his birthday. “Wanna m-m-meet up with the others?” 

No. Not at all. Being perceived at the ice cream parlor threw Eddie into a weirder mood. Eddie rubbed his forearm to sooth him. It was a habit he picked up after he got his cast off. 

It was odd, Eddie didnt want to see Richie but he felt like the only person who could make him feel better would be Him. Torn from wishing he won't be there and hoping that he would be. The times Richie werent around always made the group feel off.

But this was something Eddie just needed to push through. His urge to be in bed lessoned as the day went on so that had to count for something, right? That leaving the house and not succumbing to the dark thoughts was doing some good? So facing Richie, or facing the losers without him, had to have a good ending in the long run. 

“Okay.” Eddie said as he grabbed his bike to follow Bill to school. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anybody watch/read the goldfinch? its my comfort movie atm   
> just finished the book like two weeks ago it was so good  
> i care about boris sm but in the book he kinda sucks a bit??   
> thank you for commenting i cherish everyone <3  
> thank you for giving kudos as well i just looked at the number omg???   
> ily !! goodnight


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